Wayward Expeditions - Rise of the Runelords - Episode 23
Intro: For much of written history world events followed chartered routes. Oracles and seers mapped out the future in the stars above and their prophecies always gave a reliable view of the ages to come. Until a god died a century ago. No one saw that coming. And now the old prophecies are failing, oracles go mad and seers desperately tried to account for the loss of the future. While some cry out that the world is at an end, they've been doing so for a hundred years now and the world is still here, it's just unclear where things are going. The future of Golarian is open, ready to receive the triumphs and failures of a new generation of heroes. Welcome to Rise of the Runelords!

GM: All right, when we left off, you had just defeated Nualia in combat. You had tied her up, left her unconscious and taken over the room she was occupying, to bed down for the night.

Taury: Did we not move to the water?

Ishmael: So we moved to the water?

Taury: We moved to the water.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: Right, so that's where I have you all, is in the room she was occupying. You're saying you want to be over here.

Taury: Where the dead rogue crab is, right?

Morana: Yes.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Let's just hope it doesn't have sibling.

GM: All right, I will move you all over. Not everyone's going to fit.

Morana: Well the area is behind a secret door so, I mean, that hallway should be fine as well.

Markus: Yeah. Also, in terms of general layout, we probably don't want the unconscious Nualia on the outside where she can potentially sneak away.

Taury: Do you wanna dunk her in the water? [Laughs]

Markus: No, I was thinking one of us should probably swap with her, so she needs to at least go past one person, just in case.

Ishmael: Wanna switch with me Markus? That'll be fine there, because Ishmael says he's got watch for the whole night so it's good.

Taury: I forgot how small this like cavern was.

Loyal: Yeah. It's tiny.

GM: All right, you've all bedded down, you're getting your rest and whatnot. I need perception checks from everyone.

Taury: Awesome. Way to make us feel safe.

GM: Now you're at a -10 when sleeping, just so you're aware. Yup, yeah, you don't need to factor it into your roll it's just a flat, everyone's at -10 while sleeping,

Taury: Wow!

GM: Just so you know.

Loyal: Taury's out! Taury is fucking out!

Taury: Taury's sleeping like a fucking baby!

Loyal: Yeah, and did we agree that Nualia was going to be in the interior of us?

Taury: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loyal: So that she couldn't get up and sneak away? OK. I'm willing to swap with her if that's the case.

Taury: I feel like if anything she'd be at the very back, right? 

Loyal: In a corner.

GM: Ishmael, we need a perception from you as well, you're on watch, so you're not at the -10.

Ishmael: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loyal: Oh boy.

Taury: If you fail this, you're in fucking trouble.

Ishmael: Oh God I hope I fail it!

Loyal: We're all in fucking trouble.

Ishmael: All right, we're all murdered in our sleep because I'm just zoned out.

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: Essentially that's 23? Oof!

Ishmael: Oof, oof, oof. 

Loyal: I mean that's equal to mine with the -10, so.

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

GM: OK, now Ishmael. 

Ishmael: Yes. 

GM: You're awake so I'm going to pull you into the private chat.

Loyal: Oh boy.

Taury: Oh, I hate this.

Fenwarin: Again?

Ishmael: Yes, whisper chat!

GM: Even though you failed, 

Fenwarin: Aah! 

GM: We shall return in a bit.

Ishmael: All right.

Fenwarin: Jesus.

Taury: Oh, great.

Fenwarin: And it's Ishmael, again, with the private conversation.

Taury: Oh yeah. Oh it's great. It so tense though, because we've fucking no idea what's happening.

GM: All right. 

Ishmael: Yes, hi. 

GM: Ishmael.

Ishmael: Holy fuck dude, that roll was perfect! All right, all right.

GM: Yes, you rolled a nat 20 on your stealth check. To move out of the room and move Nualia out with you, to go interrogate her without the rest of the group knowing, you're moving her to the throne room.

Ishmael: Ah yeah, whichever would- I mean instrument room seems cool, but like I'm not up for fucking torturing, well maybe, but there's too many instruments and variables to, you know, handle with her getting free. And I don't feel like fighting her. Although it wouldn't be hard. High or low I guess? Should be, I don't know?

GM: It's entirely your call on where you're taking her. You will have the noise of that message that's on loop. 

Ishmael: And it's super louder in there. 

GM: In the throne room yeah. 

Ishmael: Instrument room I guess, that'll probably be better.

GM: All right. You drag her into the instrument room and wake her up.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: "What, who are you? Why am I tied up? Release me at once!"

Ishmael: "Hmm, I'm good, you tried to kill I guess, my companions."

GM: "Release me and we can kill them together."

Ishmael: "See, that's the thing, they're my children, and if I wish to kill them I'll do it myself without your help. But for now, they serve a purpose."

GM: "What do you want?

Ishmael: "Well..."

GM: "How did you get here?"

Ishmael: "Back when? [Chuckles] But, you know."

GM: "How did you discover the mechanism to open the pillar? Have you released Malfeshnekor? Does he serve you now?"

Ishmael: "I mean, I know how to open the door, but I haven't opened the door and no, he doesn't serve me."

GM: "Then join me and together we can claim his power, you would make a powerful servant yes?"

Ishmael: "Uuuuh, no I'm good, I mean we've kind of been, you know, sent here to handle Malfeshnekor and I guess you, and this whole goblin bullshit going on too."

GM: "Sent here? By who?"

Ishmael: Out of character, who sent us here? Like I'm just kind of following them, like I really don't know who fucking- like who went like hey, we should go over here. Is that just a general information thing like that we found out like hey, this is happening, we should probably stop it?

GM: Give me an intelligence roll.

Ishmael: Yeah. So what D20... Oof!

GM: A nat 1.

Ishmael: But oh wait, am I trying to make it under my-?

GM: No. 

Ishmael: -like, isn't it- I forget how we do it but yeah. Damn my rolls are starting to just kick me in the teeth man.

GM: Yeah. Someone might have mentioned something, you're not really clear on why you're here, the group might know, but.

Ishmael: I'm not waking them up.

GM: You weren't paying attention if you were told.

Ishmael: I mean, it's probably a boring conversation, Ishmael will go like, "Well I mean, I don't know, I'm pretty sure the kids paid attention to it, but, you know, it's one of the boring moments, and I follow them because they tend to make everything less 'unbearable'? Yeah, 'unbearable' would be the right word. So yes." Ishmael's kind of staring at her, like head tilt to the side "so right, so I take it the Barghest is what's keeping the goblins here or is that you?"

GM: "They might be attracted here by the the Barghest, but I have unified them."

Ishmael: "OK, and your other mercenary friends, or the mercenaries that you've hired?"

GM: 

"What of them?"

Ishmael: "What keeps them here?"

GM: "Money."

Ishmael: "OK. How much are you paying them?"

GM: "Less than I would pay you, you seem more capable than they are."

Ishmael: "Well." 

Ishmael: "I could do with your aid."

Ishmael: "Flattering, but no that doesn't answer my question. Also you have their taint, and I wish no longer to work with them or anyone associated with them."

GM: "Who?"

Ishmael: Ishmael will present the symbol that he- ah what was it? Skinsaw? Or is it?

GM: Uh huh.

Ishmael: Yeah, like the Skinsaw clan, like has been you know, making him carve into people when he kills them?

GM: "The Sihedron star."

Ishmael: "Yeah, the same people who, you know, your, your friends in Magnimar."

GM: "So you took my medallion, so what?"

Ishmael: "You work with the Skinsaws or have in the past, therefore I have no interest in working with you. That's why I will not side with you. Just trying to get everything straight so you know, they're not bumbling around like hmm- nicer words, to help them, there we go, that's the word."

GM: "They're a means to an end."

Ishmael: "Hmm, that's fair, but you're still not answering me my questions." like Ishmael's still staring at her and like kind of getting bored, like well as board as you know my character could express, you know, with the glamor and everything, so. "So you're going to give me the answers I need or am I just going to have to kill you and say you tried to escape?"

GM: She continues to stare at you defiantly.

Ishmael: "[Sighs] So what's the whole big thing here for you other than, you know, wanting to be one of what, being one of Lamashtu's favorited? I mean?"

GM: The glare continues.

Ishmael: "Like, as much as I love the sound of my own voice, I didn't bring you in here to hear my own voice, I brought you in here to answers questions, or to get the answers to my questions. So come on, out with it."

GM: Defiantly silent.

Ishmael: "And another question, how do we get past the trap, the statue trap? If I kill you, will it go away? Do you have a key to get rid of it?"

GM: "So there's another entrance, interesting."

Ishmael: "Yes, I told you we took the back way in. Do you not listen when I speak?" And then she goes back to being silent no? 

GM: Yup. 

Ishmael: Right. OK. I would like to start inflicting nonlethal damage on her. So how would I go about doing that? I mean, I guess I could punch her I mean, she is tied up right so she's technically helpless right? So I guess I'd like to hit her with the flat of my sword.

GM: All right. 

Ishmael: I take negatives to attack right for trying to, you know?

GM: -4.

Ishmael: -4 OK, so that's a +3 , am I get any bonuses? Or I mean, she is on the ground or well, sitting on the ground.

GM: She is prone and helpless.

Ishmael: So that's a +4.

GM: It's a +8.

Ishmael: OK, so.

GM: And her armor is essentially nullified, basically without any math involved, you need to hit a 5.

Ishmael: OK, I'll just roll regular right? I think I get it, would you like me to roll again to confirm for non lethal damage or can I not do that?

GM: Yes, you need to roll again to confirm your critical strike.

Ishmael: Well, I mean, I hit a 5 but?

GM: A nat 1 as a result roll actually does still confirm on her.

Ishmael: [Laughs] Oof, oof. Yeah, so.

GM: Go ahead and roll your damage.

Ishmael: All right um...

GM: You will be rolling double damage, so whatever your modifier is, is x2 but you roll twice the normal number of dice.

Ishmael: So... She's out again, isn't she?

GM: Would you like to make a heal check?

Ishmael: Yeah, I'd like to make a heal check. I have no whatchamacallits in it so... 20?

GM: Natural 20 on your heal check, you needed a 10.

Ishmael: Yeah, I think I got it.

GM: Basic information of 10 or less, you know that she is no longer breathing.

Ishmael: [Sighs] OK I've killed her, great.

GM: She appears to be unconscious, but is not breathing.

Ishmael: [Sighs] I hit her with infernal healing.

GM: All right, mark the charge off your wand.

Ishmael: Right. It matched and she's still staying unconscious? Or do I need another turn?

GM: There doesn't appear to be any change no. Would you like to try to do a heal check again?

Ishmael: Sure. Let me roll 1 on this one, a 3 oh.

GM: 3. You think the the wand has helped.

Ishmael: Like I give it some time, and then I- shit this character doesn't carry smelling salts. fuck! I knew I was missing something. Damn it! Sadly, I'm pretty sure I can't actually make, can't make water with prestidigitation can I?

GM: No.

Ishmael: No. OK, I pour some of my water skin on her you know.

GM: OK. 

Ishmael: Try and splash her awake I guess. That works or not?

GM: It doesn't seem to.

Ishmael: Fuck it, I'll use another charge and heal her another 10 points.

GM: OK. 

Ishmael: And then I, you know, kind of slap her awake a bit, if that makes any sense, you know?

GM: She doesn't wake up.

Ishmael: Hmm, I'll make another heal check. Or can I take a 10?

GM: You can.

Ishmael: I just take a 10.

GM: She's not breathing.

Ishmael: [Sighs] Would it be another heal check to perform like, you know, CPR and everything?

GM: Not that you would be able to complete, no.

Ishmael: Oof. Um... All right. Well then. I guess now I have to do some morally grey stuff.

GM: [Laughs] Oh now you do? OK.

Ishmael: Yeah now I do. Well, I mean, besides the whole interrogation, but now I actually have to do some morally grey stuff. um, I guess I cut her bindings and, you know, I guess I kill her and stage it like she tried to escape. Chased her in here and, you know, I put an end to her? Shrug. Like clearly like because I imagine if I stab her, she doesn't wake up screaming she's not breathing. So, yeah. Yeah, that's about it. Ooh, that's really dark! But yeah, save questions for later.

GM: All right so you've staged an escape and subsequent attempt, failed attempt at recapture. Give me a survival check to stage the scene correctly.

Ishmael: OK. 

GM: Yup.

Ishmael: All right. 15?

GM: All right, doesn't look too bad to you. Looks like she put up some sort of fight.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: You mess this stuff up a bit.

Ishmael: Yeah, I would like to give another one just a, you know, because if I think it looks well to me it might not be well enough?

GM: OK.

GM: A little bit of your paranoia?

Ishmael: Yeah, always paranoia.

GM: Yeah, you do much better this time.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: You realize that stabbing a corpse, it doesn't bleed as much as you would expect for a fight. There wasn't any cast off or whatnot so you sprinkle some of her blood around a bit, make it look like there was actual action, smear it where it should be smeared, all that.

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah.

GM: All right, now what are you doing?

Ishmael: Ah let's see.

GM: Now that you think that your crime scene is well-established.

Ishmael: [Laughs] Um, well I guess I ah- how long has it been since they went to bed? Like, is it even eight hours yet? It's clear this hasn't taken 8 hours.

GM: The interrogation and the staging of the murder scene is maybe two hours worth total.

Ishmael: Yeah, I guess I'll go try and study this trap so we can get past it.

GM: OK.

Ishmael: Like, I know where it is right, it's been pointed out to me?

GM: Yeah.

Ishmael: All right.

GM: Perception check. 

Ishmael: Do you need an actual perception check or can I take a 10? Or can I take a 20 actually?

GM: You can take a 20, but that invokes failure, which means you will succumb to it.

Ishmael: OK. well I mean-

GM: But you'll be able to study it. It'll just be from within the trap.

Ishmael: OK. Hmm... Damn, because I feel like I would be able to survive it, but like, I don't want to risk it. I'd like to take a 10 then or is that is that through failure too?

GM: No, taking a 10 does not instantly fail.

Ishmael: All right, what does an 18 get me?

GM: You don't see the trap, you know it's there, but you can't see any signs of it.

Ishmael: Ah fuck it, I take a 20 ah, whatever. I'll roll the dice, I've got like 40 some odd hit points so, God it's going to kill me. All right, carry on, a 28? Shrug?

GM: 28 for what?

Ishmael: Like ah, like the perception and everything, like I'm going to take 20 on it?

GM: Oh well once you're in it, OK yeah.

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah.

GM: Oh yeah, you clearly discern that this is a slashing cage trap now that you're inside of it. It is a magical trap that automatically resets as the portcullis drops to seal you within the five foot area between the two statues. You are choosing to stay into it because of your taking 20 on your perception so you do not get the reflex to jump out of it.

Ishmael: So I just take the blunt damage?

GM: So the portcullis falls around you, a round later, both the statues lower their glaives and slash through the bars at you, and they do this for 2 rounds.

Ishmael: OK, ouch.

GM: So this will be 2 attacks.

Ishmael: OK, like going into it knowing that I'm going to spring it, can I cast a spell beforehand?

GM: Sure.

Ishmael: I would like to cast shield, so my AC's at 24 right now.

GM: OK, first attack, misses, second attack will also miss. Then the floor drops out from underneath, 

Ishmael: Oooh ooh! 

GM: -causing you to fall 10 feet.

Ishmael: OK. Into?

GM: You will get a reflex save to negate this damage.

Ishmael: All right, cool, ah shit, I was not expecting this one, OK.

GM: That does not succeed, so you will take a D6 of falling damage, which is bludgeoning. You are now at the bottom of a 10 foot pit as the tile slides in place above you and the trap resets.

Ishmael: OK oof. 

GM: You are now trapped in this pit.

Ishmael: Is there any way out or there any way, you know?

GM: There does not appear to be.

Ishmael: Hmm, then I guess I take 20 and study everything to try and find a way out.

GM: OK.

Ishmael: Like I've got dark vision, right?

GM: Yeah.

Ishmael: OK, if anything, I can cast light? I don't really know why I would need to cast light. But yeah.

GM: Yeah. No, you're just an a 10 foot deep pit.

Ishmael: Shit! Welp!

GM: Hopefully your friends find you at some point, I will now remove you from the board and we are going to rejoin them in the group chat.

Ishmael: [Laughs] Good all right, well shit.

Loyal: ...from the direction we came, like down on the beach if you're looking at it, the beach was on the- 

GM: Ok!

Loyal: Uh oh! 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: "Uh oh!" [Quoting Loyal]

GM: We have returned. 

Markus: Yup. 

GM: From the things that happen.

Markus: Yes OK.

Taury: Uh hmm.

GM: So the rest of you wake up after your full eight hours worth of rest, and will almost immediately, I'm sure, notice that both Ishmael and Nualia are gone.

Morana: "Well, that can't be good."

Markus: "No, no it-"

Fenwarin: "Oh my, didn't anyone notice anything?"

Markus: "We were sleeping. Why didn't he wake us?"

Fenwarin: "And I heard nothing."

Markus: "Well."

Loyal: "Probably should've had 2 people"

Morana: "Yeah."

Markus: "They're gone. They're probably hours gone at this point."

Taury: Taury's going to be looking around to see if there's any signs of what direction they went.

Fenwarin: Was just going to say that, yup.

Loyal: Yeah, Loyal will try the same.

GM: OK, that will be a survival check to track.

Taury: Yeah, I thought that.

Loyal: Yeah, we'll take it.

Fenwarin: Yeah OK.

Taury: My god, my rolls today! Good lord.

Loyal: Ooh nice!

GM: All right Fenwarin, you notice some extra signs on the stonework here that makes it look like they have gone up this staircase and out that hallway.

Fenwarin: Ah hum.

GM: From what you can tell by the dust patterns and stuff that you see, it seems as if Ishmael dragged Nualia out while she was unconscious.

Fenwarin: That's all I notice?

GM: Yeah, a bit of a drag mark and then signs very faint, but you notice them that they have left the room by that staircase.

Fenwarin: OK. "Look there are prints here, he took Nualia somewhere up the staircase. What is he up to?" 

Loyal: "It beats me."

Fenwarin: "I think we should follow them."

Markus: "Now, immediately?"

Fenwarin: "Do you have some other suggestion? Yeah of course, but I mean, what's really going on here?"

Loyal: "I guess it's a matter of weighing risk versus reward here, I mean if we go immediately, we might have a better chance at finding him, but we might also risk being attacked unprepared."

Taury: "But immediately, we don't know how long ago he left."

Fenwarin: "That true."

Markus: "We slept through the night, he had hours to do whatever he did."

Taury: "Yes but the longer we wait, the further away he might be."

Markus: "I could understand if Nualia somehow woke up but, no it doesn't matter now. Do we take time to prepare, to prepare or not?"

Morana: "If we don't, I'm useless if trouble happens."

Loyal: "I won't be useless, but I won't be at my full capacity."

Markus: "Then we take the time."

Loyal: "All right." And I'll immediately, just kind of whip out everything I need to start making extracts.

Fenwarin: "I'll prepare my spells."

Morana: Morana sits on the steps over here away from everyone, and has the needed conversations.

Markus: And Markus, will coax his familiar out of where it was sleeping and pull out a book and go, well, basically settle into a corner and apparently consult both of them.

GM: All right, the hour passes while you all prepare your spells, praying to your gods, communing with your familiars, etc. mixing your alchemical reagents, studying your books of magics, all that stuff.

Loyal: Also, apply your hit points from the rest, if you haven't already. And I did use healing myrrh, so restore twice the amount. So basically everyone gets 6 hit points back from the rest instead of 3. 

Fenwarin: Oh great.

GM: OK, now that you're all prepared.

Markus: Well, I wouldn't say that.

Loyal: Physically prepared yes, emotionally? Probably not.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: "Seeing that everyone's prepared, shall we go?"

Fenwarin: "Yeah, I guess we can." 

Morana: "That would seem the best idea."

GM: "So what are you doing?"

Morana: Well, I guess it looks like it's defaulting to me in the lead for some reason, so here we go.

Loyal: [Laughs] for whatever reason.

Morana: This is a great idea.

Taury: I'm just reading my spells. [Laughs]

Markus: Yeah, I'm still sorting spells out of character so.

Loyal: OK, that's fair.

Taury: I prefer doing that beforehand. [Laughs]

Loyal: But you didn't.

Taury: Yeah, I didn't because I thought we'd all be dead. [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] Such pessimism. Let me know when you're ready, I guess.

Markus: OK well, while I'm doing this, if anyone's actually paying attention to what Markus is doing, you might notice that his familiar by the end of the time preparing stuff is actually glowing slightly at the end of it. Is Taury finished with her spells?

Taury: I have two out of three, but yeah, y'all can continue, I'd imagine.

GM: Taury, would you take the lead?

Taury: Probably.

GM: All right.

Loyal: We lost one of our two front liners so.

Taury: I mean, I'm usually in the front, so probably yeah. I'd imagine that Fen is probably showing Taury the tracks or something?

Fenwarin: Yeah, I just told you about them and I pointed them out to you.

Taury: Yes, so that's what she would be following.

GM: OK. Perception check to follow them.

Taury: Awesome.

Fenwarin: OK.

GM: Morana, you can see them.

Morana: Morana will be behind Taury pointing at them like "That, there. That way, then that way."

Loyal: Yes, left.

Taury: Yeah, she's going the opposite direction. She's just like "No no. It's this way."

Morana: Grabs her shoulder, "No, this way!"

Taury: Yeah. [Laughs]

Loyal: "No uh uh!.

GM: Yeah, it leads up to the top of that staircase, goes the rest of the corridor and then turns left towards the secret passage into the room with the sarcophagi.

Taury: Ah yes, the horrible nasty shadow things.

Fenwarin: Yup.

Taury: That's hope they stay dead.

GM: All right, at the end of the hallway, you see the doors open to that torture type room, and Nualia is dead on the floor, blood scattered everywhere. It looks like there was a battle.

Fenwarin: "Oh."

Morana: "Well, that answers that half of the question, I say half, maybe more like a quarter I guess?"

Fenwarin: "Mm hmm." 

GM: She is not in her restraints.

Loyal: "I guess if she's dead, then that's one of the issues solved, at least she didn't escape."

Fenwarin: "Did she wake up, and they fought each other?"

Loyal: "That's what it might look like, it's provided we're giving the benefit of the doubt."

Morana: "I'm assuming it would take a closer look to determine that." 

Fenwarin: "Uh hmm."

Markus: "Yes, shall we?"

GM: As you pass by the yeth hound, everyone give me perception checks.

Taury: Great, let's see if I can get above a 9 this time.

Loyal: That's above a 9, it's pretty-

Taury: Yeah, I'll take 24, it's acceptable.

Loyal: 24 is above a 9. That's a pretty soldi perception check.

GM: All right, all of you can hear faint, otherworldly music coming from somewhere down this hallway, behind the yeth hound.

Morana: "Well, that's just downright creepy."

Fenwarin: "I don't like this at all."

Markus: "No." Can we still hear the sounds of, from behind that door where somebody was ranting and raving before in infernal? 

GM: No. 

Markus: They've gone?

Loyal: I bet I can hear them though.

GM: Oh yes.

Loyal: Yeah, they're in my head.

Morana: Is the the way with the two coins, is that open? Yeah, it would, because we saw down there.

Taury: Yeah, we can see down there.

Morana: Morana is just going to kind of poke her head around the corner here, just make sure that door is still closed.

GM: It is.

Morana: OK. "Well, whatever was over there has not gotten out."

Markus: "Good." 

Fenwarin: "That's a relief."

Taury: And Taury is going to concentrate pretty hard towards where the music is coming from, and cast a detect fiendish presence again.

Morana: Morana is also going to lean her head through the door and ping a detect magic down the hallway.

GM: You do detect magic, but not fiend.

Taury: That's not comforting.

Morana: "Well something down there is magic at least." she's going to keep staring.

Loyal: "Who had the key to the demon door, by the way?"

Markus: "Oh, our missing friend, I believe."

Loyal: "Great."

Markus: "Yes."

Taury: "Excellent."

Fenwarin: "Of course."

Markus: "Before we investigate, I would like to have a closer look at- see if I can work out what happened, maybe?"

Taury: "I would be inclined to agree with Markus."

Loyal: "I agree with that as well." 

Fenwarin: "Uh hmm."

Taury: "I don't like this music."

Loyal: "Yeah neither do I." 

Morana: "No it's creeping me out."

Morana: Morana is continuing, continuing to focus on the magic.

GM: Morana, you detect (as they're working their way and beginning their investigation), you detect that this magic is a 'ghost sound' and that's what's producing this music.

Morana: "So the music isn't real, which I mean, let's be honest, it doesn't make me feel any better about it." And she looks around and notices that everybody else has fucked off and, "My god, here we go."

All: [Laugh]

GM: All right, perception check.

Taury: From everybody or?

GM: Whoever's investigating this murder.

Taury: Awesome.

GM: This combat.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: I'd like to imagine that Morana is just there with Shazam, trying to figure out what song it is, and everyone's like "ah dude, fuck this."

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Morana: It's a good question, was it a recognizable melody?

GM: What languages do you know?

Morana: I mean, hold on.

GM: Yeah, my first reaction is to tell you no, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you might, might have some familiarity with it, however unlikely this will be.

Taury: It's a real underground artist.

Morana: 'Unlikely' you say?

Markus: Would any of the rest of us have recognized the music or didn't we hear it well enough?

GM: What languages do you know?

Markus: Those ones.

GM: No, Markus, you would not recognize this, the song.

Markus: Yeah.

Taury: Imma send you Taury's but I doubt she will either.

Markus: I would like would like linguistics to recognize the language.

GM: Sure.

Loyal: I guess I'll DM you mine, I don't think it will matter, but you never know.

GM: No... No... No.

Loyal: Well.

GM: No.

Fenwarin: Yeah, yeah.

Taury: We don't speak that specific chant of Demon. Damn.

Morana: Yeah.

GM: No, no, no, no, no. Markus You do identify the lyrics as being sung in first speech.

Markus: Oh! OK.

Loyal: What the fuck is that?

Taury: Listen I, I don't like that. [Chuckles]

Markus: No, it's fine, don't worry about it.

Taury: That's never been comforting to anyone, ever. 'It's fine, don't worry about it.' [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] All right, back to this investigation that you're doing. Markus, it looks like Ishmael brought Nualia here to conduct an interrogation.

Markus: Sounds- yeah.

GM: But then somehow Nualia got free of her bonds and there was a struggle, and in the struggle she was slain. A definitive stab wound from Ishmael's sword right through her chest, right through her heart.

Loyal: Mmmm. As is tradition, I go over and I kick the corpse to make sure she's dead.

All: [Laugh]

GM: Would you like to make a heal check with that kick?

Loyal: Sure, sure. [Laughs] I'm good at heal so this is my method of figuring out if people are dead.

Taury: Sure, you don't check her pulse or anything? Just fucking kick her?!

Loyal: Ah it's a 13.

GM: She is quite dead. 

Loyal: "She's dead."

Taury: Yeah, stab wounds in the heart tend to do that on occasion.

Loyal: She has like a demon thing going on, maybe her heart's not actually where her heart is.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Wrong side.

Taury: Aha! You've been duped! By my pocket heart!

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: "I think I've really gotten all we can see here, nothing more to glean. So now I guess it's back to scary music box or whatever the fuck is going on over there."

Morana: As they've been investigating, Morana has wandered off in the direction of the music.

GM: The music, Morana, is coming from the trap. It's as if it's coming from the space right above where the trap is, and written on the tile is, "I'm an idiot. Please help me.”

Fenwarin: Oh!

Loyal: What?!

All: [Laugh]

GM: "dash Ishmael."

Ishmael: Aah.

GM: "By Felix."

Loyal: What?!

Morana: Morana just stares at this for a minute, she can't really think of anything to say, kind of looks up. "Uh, you actually up there somehow?"

GM: So you're trying to see where the portcullis drops from.

Morana: Yes, she's just like looking up at the ceiling like, "How the fuck am I supposed to-? Oh god damn! You're kidding me."

GM: No, there's nothing to see in the ceiling.

Morana: Well she didn't see the trap go off so-. She looks back down the hallway and says "Apparently Ishmael somehow got himself caught in whatever happens in this hallway, somebody knows how to turn this thing off, be my guest."

Loyal: "But didn't we already share that there was a trap there?"

Markus: "We also discovered that we couldn't disarm it."

Loyal: "That too."

Markus: "Because it's magical."

Morana: "Well, apparently somehow he's in it, so."

Loyal: "Goody."

Morana: "Shrug."

Markus: "Wait..."

Taury: "Shrug, indeed."

Markus: "How is that?"

Morana: Morana's arm just reaches through the doorway and points at the tile and the words on it.

Taury: What's it written in, is a written in ink or?

GM: It's a faintly glowing blue.

Markus: What's the exact wording again?

GM: "I'm an idiot. Please help me. - Ishmael. By Felix."

Loyal: 'By Felix.'

All: [Laugh]

Markus: There's nothing there that says he is actually where the trap is?

GM: Ishmael, roll me a perception check, maybe you hear their conversation over the music that you have going.

Loyal: Hey! Nat 20! What the fuck are your rolls today!

Taury: Jesus Christ!

GM: All right, you do hear a conversation going on up there, but your music is obscuring it enough that you don't know who it is, it's just enough voices that it seems like hopefully, maybe, it's the rest of your party.

Ishmael: I guess I kill my music, sadness, was a good song. Just kind of, you know, guess I kind of shout out just like "So you guys going to stand there and bicker or help me out of the fucking trap?!"

GM: Perception check from everyone to hear the shout.

Taury: I was going to say.

Loyal: We all roll shit. Oh, no. [Laughs]

Taury: Oh, well.

Loyal: Oh, no!... OK, OK we're good.

Taury: Markus heard.

Loyal: Markus is here to save the day.

GM: All right.

Taury: The only one who probably would actually help him heard it, so that's OK.

GM: 10 is enough to hear it, so you all hear this, those they got over a 20 realize that he's underneath the floor tile.

Fenwarin:  So, I guess we convey this right?

Markus: "How did you get down there?"

Ishmael: "Well."

Taury: "Because he's an idiot, Markus."

Loyal: "The message does say it."

Markus: "Yes. The cage comes down, they stab, the cage goes up. How do you get underneath the trap?"

Taury: "A special kind of stupid."

Ishmael: "Well, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Message? There's a message? What?"

Taury: "Don't worry about it."

Ishmael: "Ah sure, right so yeah, yeah, cage comes down, stab, failed to mention the second part, the tile opens and you fall in."

Markus: "Oh?" 

Ishmael: "Yeah."

Loyal: "I didn't see that part last time, maybe it's only if there's something in there?"

Ishmael: "Welp, been in here for oh, give or take six hours now."

Taury: "And whose fault is that?"

Ishmael: "Look, I was just trying to disable the trap so we can get past it."

Markus: "Do you know how to?"

Taury: "Evidently not."

Ishmael: "I mean."

Markus: "He might have just fumbled."

Ishmael: "I tried to inspect it but yeah, I'm not entirely sure yet because I fell in here."

Markus: "Right OK, and Nualia didn't tell you how to get past it?" 

Ishmael: "No, it was more her being crazy and rambling about, you know, siding with her and then, you know. Well, you saw what happened I imagine?"

Fenwarin: "We did, is that the whole story?"

Ishmael: "What? She was starting to come to, and I'd rather not wake you people up, so-"

Taury: "Right, but you'd rather send us here in the middle of the night to come rescue you?"

Ishmael: "Look, I wasn't expecting to fall down here, that wasn't my goal, you know."

Taury: "You are so conscientious, it's spectacular, honestly."

Ishmael: "Right."

Morana: Sense motive on the story of the Nualia situation.

Taury: [Laughs]

Morana: Yeah.

Loyal: Ah, love sense motiving the party.

Taury: That's great. Should we all just do it for shits and giggles? 

Fenwarin: God damn it.

Taury: Fuck yeah dude.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: That's my favorite thing to roll.

Loyal: Woah! 28?! Yes.

Fenwarin: Woah.

Ishmael: Jesus fucking Christ kids, what's with the paranoia? I'm offended.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Nice.

GM: What are you trying to sense exactly? [Laughs]

Loyal: If the story's bullshit? 

Taury: If the story is generally true.

Morana: If there is more than he's saying, if he's leaving parts out?

Taury: Yeah, is he being obstructive? Selective truth?

Morana: Alternative facts even.

Taury and Ishmael Together: Fake news. 

Ishmael: Yeah.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Ah there you go. And there we go.

Taury: And we got it.

Fenwarin: Oh man.

GM: All right, Taury and Loyal, both of you get the feeling that there might be just a little bit more to this story, but minor details only, perhaps. 

Loyal: Hmmm.

Taury: The bits that make him look bad that he left out?

GM: Probably, yeah. 

Fenwarin: [Chuckles]

Ishmael: Hmmm.

Taury: "Right, well I suppose it doesn't really matter how he got there now, how are we going to get him out? "

Ishmael: "That's a good question." 

Taury: "Or should we get him out or leave him here? Come back and get him later?"

Loyal: "Well to be fair, we have to go that way anyway so."

Morana: "No, I do think we'd be better off having him with us."

Taury: "Well, if the trap has already sprung, there's a chance it might not spring twice if he's holding it safely for us."

Markus: "Magical trap."

Fenwarin: "It resets itself."

Markus: "We need to figure out a way past it because unless I miss my guess that's the way out. So unless you particularly feel like swilling?"

Loyal: "Hmm, unless we want to open the evil key door?"

Taury: "What do you see down there, Ishmael?"

Ishmael: What have I seen like during my inspections is just a room right Furtive? 

GM: You're in a 10 foot deep pit. 

Ishmael: Yeah like yeah.

GM: It's a 5 foot by 5 foot and 10 feet down, like that's it, there's nothing here. [Laughs] 

Ishmael: "Well, yeah it's just a pit. There's nothing special to it other than it being a pit. Also, where else do you guys plan to go out? The way we came in? Like-"

Loyal: "Ah the rope's already broken, so."

Ishmael: "Yeah." 

Loyal: "Well how does- does anyone ideas on how to get him out? I might have a few."

Markus: "You're the closest thing we have to a  trap expert."

Loyal: "All right, let me see if I can figure something out." Without stepping- I just want to get close to it and kind of look. Do I see if there's like a ridge around the tile, so did it like slide? Yeah it slid open so I'm just looking if it can be like pry barred open essentially.

GM: Perception.

Loyal: Hmm, I'll take an 18.

GM: No it seems as solid as the one you're standing on.

Loyal: Gonna try something else. Ah what do I have on me that I just throw there and see if it triggers something?

Taury: We have the key.

Loyal: I don't, no.

Taury: Oh no Markus has the key.

Loyal: No Ishmael has the key.

Taury: Oh, for fucks sake! 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Yeah, yeah. Of course he does.

Loyal: Let me try something. I'm going to walk over, gonna grab one of the chairs from this room. Just gonna to drag it over.

Taury: Can't wait for Ishmael to get belted in the head.

Loyal: [Laughs] Just gets nailed by a fucking chair!

Taury: [Laughs] A fucking chair. Hit him with the chair!

Loyal: And then I'm going to get out some rope, tie it to the chair and then I  hand the other end to Taury and other people that will grab it, and then I'll say, "I'm going to need you to hold tight so maybe he can hopefully climb up in time."

Taury: Taury nods and holds it.

Loyal: And then I will push the chair into the space and see if anything goes off.

GM: High or low? 

Loyal: High... Fuck!

Taury: God dang it.

GM: It is low. No, the chair does not set off this trap.

Loyal: "Well, I'm out of ideas."

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Our main trap guy just gives up! [Laughs]

Loyal: I tried and then no. [Laughs]

Taury: One thing, and he's done.

Loyal: [Laughs] I'm gonna try one more thing and I'll just kind of like stick my arm in the space really quick, and then pull it back.

Taury: "Oh, this is a terrible idea."

Loyal: "Listen, it's the best idea I've got."

GM: High or low?

Loyal: [Chuckles] I'll go high still... God damn it.

GM: Low it is.

Taury: Welp.

GM: No, that is not enough to set off this trap.

Loyal: I just kind of look at everyone like, "I don't know?"

Taury: "Perhaps it is weight modified?"

Loyal: "Should I get another chair? 

Taury: "Perhaps something heavier than a chair I don't know, books or something?"

Markus: "Perhaps it needs a person?"

Taury: "I don't really think we need to put a second person in the trap."

Loyal: "I'd rather not get two people stuck in the hole."

Markus: "But leave the chair there so it falls down and we can try and pull somebody out. And have somebody standing by to jam something in the hole to stop it closing."

Taury: "Well, the chair should break if it, it's spiked no?"

Markus: "Well it came down at about this sort of height." And Markus will gesture to what I'm assuming was like chest high from when he saw it activate before. "So I'm fairly certain that at least part of the chair would survive."

Taury: "Right well, how deep is the the drop?"

Ishmael: "10 feet!"

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: "Thank you, Ishmael."

Ishmael: "Yup."

Loyal: "I guess our only other option for possibly opening up the pit would be if someone were to run through there, and try to avoid being hit."

Markus: "That's certainly an option, yes. Are you volunteering?"

Loyal: "No, I don't think it's the best option."

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: "I mean, to be fair, the glaives or the slashing really wasn't the problem, it was the pit opening up."

Taury: "You don't say."

Ishmael: "Yeah."

Loyal: "Clearly." 

Taury: "Well do we have any volunteers?" And she looks around at, I'd imagine at all the faces that look back are like looking at everyone else.

Loyal: Absolutely, absolutely fucking not, absolutely fucking not. Nope.

Markus: "Uh, this is not going to be, we need someone quick, someone who's good at avoiding things."

Taury: And Taury just looks at Fen.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] I knew that was going to come up.

Ishmael: Everyone looks to Fen. "So you're saying Fen runs into the trap?"

Taury: But it's more just what she said, that he's good at avoiding things. [Chuckles]

Fenwarin: Am I good at avoiding things? [Chuckles] I don't know about that.

Loyal: Loyal's relatively nimble when he doesn't have the giant ass backpack on.

Markus: "Are you volunteering Loyal?"

Loyal: "Ah, fine" and he takes off the backpack, he's going to take out his mutagen, he's going to drink it. So let's apply that stuff, up my reflex save.

Markus: OK.

Taury: And Taury's going to touch Loyal on the shoulder and cast guidance.

Loyal: "Thank you."

Markus: And Markus is going to do the same and case resistance.

Ishmael: "Oh my God. Ooh!"

Taury: I love that all of our ideas are horrible.

Loyal: What the fuck are we supposed to do now, didn't go off. 

Ishmael: Pushes somebody else in the trap "This will fix it, right?" 

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: All right. And then having that, I get a +1 to the save and another +1 to a save so it's a +2. Yay.

Taury: +1 that you can add afterwards I think, if you wanted right?

Loyal: Sure.

GM: Both have to be used before.

Loyal: All right well we'll use them before, so attempt two, all right. And I will essentially run through and try to dive to like activate the trap and get onto the other side of it.

GM: All right, that is a reflex save.

Taury: You have to jump over the chairs for that.

Loyal: OK it's a good thing I had a +10 because I rolled a 6, but it's a 16.

GM: Yeah, that gets you to the other side of the trap is the portcullis falls.

Markus: OK.

GM: A round after the portcullis falls, the glaives come down and slash inside and then slash a second time and then, you left the chair there, right? 

Loyal: Yes.

Markus: Yes.

GM: The chair seems to fall through the floor.

Loyal: Oh like, like 'vvvvv' [Makes sound effect].

Markus: OK.

Loyal: Like fades through the floor.

Taury: Fades through it.

Markus: Um?

Loyal: The rope is still attached to it.

Markus: Is the cage still-?

GM: Yeah, the cage is still down. Ishmael, I need you to give me a reflex save to avoid a falling chair.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Yes yup, he's going to get knocked out by the fucking chair.

Loyal: A fucking chair! [Laughs]

Ishmael: A 14.

Taury: This is great. He deserves it though.

GM: That, that is not enough. 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Hit by the fucking chair!

GM: You will be hit by a falling chair and take 3 points of bludgeoning damage.

Ishmael: "What the fuck are you people doing up there?! Ow! Just ow!"

Loyal: "Says the one in the trap!"

Ishmael: "Listen... fair point. But fuck a chair?! Really?"

Loyal: "There should be a rope attached to it."

Ishmael: "I grab the rope, I guess, and try and climb out."

GM: Give me a reflex save.

Ishmael: Oh God.

Taury: I'd imagine Taury is pulling the other end of the rope to pull him up.

Ishmael: Yeah, not enough.

Taury: Yeah.

Markus: Well while that's going on "Crowbar, quickly, who had it?"

Loyal: Me. Yeah I'll see if I can jam things under the thing. Lets do this, there's probably one as part of my fucking thieves tools and shit.

Taury: I would imagine that thieves tools has a crowbar in it, yeah?

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: Yeah, you'd think so.

GM: So you're attempting to do what with the crowbar?

Taury: Keep it open.

Loyal: Yeah, keep it open basically. Keep the trap door open.

Taury: You're prying it open.

Markus: If nothing else, sticking it through the, what we now can safely say is illusionary floor should, you know, have it slam shut against the crowbar, at which point hopefully we can then have leverage to force it open.

Loyal: I'm trying to ideally disable device, that would be nice right now.

Markus: Hmm yeah, good luck.

GM: You are not able to disable device.

Loyal: All right. Fuck, I don't know then?

GM: I do need you to say high or low?

Taury: Please, for God's sake, say low this time.

Ishmael: Please roll high.

Loyal: That's going to be high.

Taury: No, don't, do whatever.

Fenwarin: It's going to be high now because of that.

Taury: I don't want to be blamed for this bullshit.

Loyal: I mean, I'm going to I'm going to stick with high because I know the second I switch to low, it's going to fuck me. See there we go high, got it.

Fenwarin: Yeah there you go.

Taury: Yay.

GM: High it is. All right, Ishmael you grab onto the rope, Taury is pulling as hard as she can, you go through the floor and see Loyal with a crowbar through what looks like a tile halfway as you come back up to the top. What do you guys do now? As he's dangling from a rope halfway through the floor?

Ishmael: Yeah.

Loyal: The cages is still down yeah?

GM: Yeah.

Ishmael: I try and climb out the rest of the way before I'm cut in half or some crazy shit, what is going, what are you what are you?

Loyal: "Grab the cage."

Ishmael: Right. I'm not I, I grab the cage and climb out or something. I don't, yeah. I don't know anymore?

GM: All right, the cage going back up now pulls you the rest of the way.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: What are you doing, Loyal?

Loyal: Ah I mean, seeing as the crowbar isn't working, I'll just like, I don't know, just.

Markus: Is the crowbar not working?

Loyal: That's my guess. Right now it looks like he's just kind of shoving a crowbar through an imaginary floor. I mean I'm doing my best to try and disable this thing, but.

Ishmael: I look down. Is the tile there or is it just like fell away, like what's going on? What?

GM: It looks like the tile's there, but Loyal's got a crowbar halfway through it.

Ishmael: Weird, but it's-

GM: The cage is almost at the ceiling, you're running out of room to hold on to.

Ishmael: I like, I guess, try and acrobatics myself out of the pit and trap? Or reflex or some shit, I don't, I don't know?

GM: Yes.

Loyal: I'll, I'll try and catch him if need be.

Ishmael: Yeah yeah right, 15?

GM: OK Ishmael, you can choose to go to an adjacent square to the trap as you get out of it. Loyal as you attempt to help...

Loyal: Yeah?

Ishmael: Oh God, does he need to make reflex save or fall in?

Taury: I don't like where this is coming yeah.

Ishmael: Ah.

GM: You drop your crowbar through the floor, you hear it clang at the bottom, and as you reach like the split second instinctual reach to grab it as it's falling, your hand hits solid floor.

Loyal: "OK, I think I might have learned something."

Morana: "We'll get you a new one."

Loyal: "Yeah, it's fine, it's a crowbar."

Taury: As Loyal's eyes start to water. [Chuckles]

Loyal: This is my crowbar! Er.

Fenwarin: I was about to say, if you fall in Imma laugh.

Loyal: I was waiting for him to fall in, me try and catch him and him pull me into the pit with him and then us both be fucking down there.

Taury: Both of them fall in.

Ishmael: Just like, "Well at least there's a chair down here." 

"Shut up I hate you." 

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Yeah, right cool. I guess I end up like right there, like where- I don't think there's enough room on the side that Loyal's on, to be there so.

GM: You can share a space, you can squeeze in there.

Taury: Plus, Loyal said he was willing to catch you and hold you.

Loyal: Yeah I was like., I'll catch you.

Taury: And I like the idea of him two handedly holding you like a princess.  

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: I mean, that's fair. Yeah, I jump towards Loyal then and you know. 

Markus: Is there actually enough room for a person to stand where the statues are?

GM: Hmm... 

Taury: Isn't that where the spikes come from though?

GM: Maybe to tiptoe around it possibly but-

Markus: OK.

GM: as the portcullis drops, definitely not.

Ishmael: Are you holding me like a princess?

Taury: I fucking hope so. [Laughs]

Loyal: It's more- I mean, if need be? Yeah.

Ishmael: Oh, so sweet of you.

Morana: Look at that, they super matched.

Taury: Yeah, it's Shrek and Fiona.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Oh, my God.

Fenwarin: Oh, my God.

Ishmael: I mean.

Loyal: "I have an idea on, to see if I can maybe disable the trap."

Ishmael: "OK, what's your idea?"

Loyal: "Does require the trap being activated again."

Ishmael: "Yeah, I would imagine. [Sighs]"

Loyal: "My thought was, once I dropped the crowbar, and it fell into the pit, the floor became solid again. So maybe if I were to keep another object in the illusory floor it wouldn't change back, and the trap wouldn't be able to trigger again until I took the crowbar away, or whatever I have in there."

Markus: "Or whatever, changed it back was what made you drop the crowbar?"

Loyal: "It's possible." Was that- did it seem like that was the case? Or more of I just instinctively to try to catch him so I dropped the crowbar?

GM: I will make this clear, you cannot disarm this trap.

Loyal: OK. 

GM: You do not have anyone in your party who is capable of doing so.

Loyal: Cool, we just gotta-

Taury: I guess we're all just running across.

Loyal: We got to hope we roll well, yeah.

GM: To disable the trap, you would have to destroy the trap.

Markus: Or have someone with 'trap finding'?

GM: Right, and no one does in your group.

Loyal: Nice.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Markus: "So, I'm assuming the two of you don't want to come back through the trap right now?"

Loyal: "I'd rather not."

Markus: "Is that door unlocked?" 

Ishmael: Ishmael will try the door.

GM: The door opens.

Ishmael: I guess a perception for what's on the other side of the door.

Loyal: Yeah and stealthily look through.

Taury: Stealthily look. [laughs]

Loyal: Oh God, there's more statues.

Ishmael: No I got nothing.

GM: Two pillars support the ceiling here. In many places, the stone walls, floor and ceiling are caked with ancient grime and soot. Alcoves in the north and south walls containing partially damaged statues of a man in robes clutching a book and a glaive. The entire room is canted towards the west, and whatever ancient upheaval caused the complex to tilt, knocked the statues from their bases so that now they lean against the western walls of their alcoves.

Ishmael: Cool, I grab the book that I had, toss it into the room to see if anything triggers.

GM: OK, the book lands on the floor, you hear the clap echoing in that chamber, that's it.

Ishmael: Yeah cool, I still don't feel comfortable about going in there. I won't lie to you, I'd much rather go the other way you know. Like you said it's covered in soot and grime?

GM: Yeah. 

Loyal: Like a barghest door?

Ishmael: Right? That's fire, fire, soot. Fire normally makes soot and soot is not you know, fire's bad.

GM: [Laughs]

Loyal: [Laughs] Well regardless, I look over at the others. "Are we- so I guess we're going this way then? Or are we are we dealing with whatever's behind that door first?"

Ishmael: "I guess we should do that first yeah, isn't that part of the reason why you guys came here? I don't know why you came here, I wasn't really paying attention."

Loyal: "We came here to deal with Nualia and the whole goblin threat. Nualia is dealt with not necessarily the goblin threat."

Ishmael: "Well, yeah well."

Markus: "That thing will always draw goblins to it, as long as they know it's here."

Loyal: "So it might be worth dealing with that while we're still strong?"

Markus: "The question is, do they know it's here?"

Ishmael: "I mean, to be fair, it was Nualia who was organizing the goblins, but, you know."

Markus: "And probably promising that she would let it free, yes."

Ishmael: "Yeah. Also apparently, she was paying a mercenary so, I mean we might be able to just avoid that."

Markus:  "Good to know, good to know."

Loyal: "Personally, I think it might be worth dealing with whatever this thing is, because if someone like Nualia popped up, who's to say that it won't happen again?"

Markus: "So we're not going that way, we're going-" And Markus will point behind us.

Loyal: "And also requires less of us to traverse the trap once again."

Markus: "Yeah, OK um, maybe try skirting the edges, see if you can."

Loyal: "I mean I can try." Out of curiosity, is there a way for them to like, help me across, like grab my arm and pull me essentially?

Taury: Follow up question, would we do that?

Loyal: Hmm, I mean, I don't know would you?

Taury: Wait you'll are turning around?

Ishmael: Yeah.

Taury: Oh, my God.

Loyal: "And we were thinking to deal with the Barghest."

Ishmael: "Yeah."

Loyal: "And here we go." All right, I guess I'll try, I'll try skirting the edge, but if it looks like shit's going down, I'm going to fucking run for it. "Actually I have an idea. Toss me the the rope."

Markus: "Oh, yeah, OK."

Taury: Yeah, it's thrown over.

Loyal: Yeah, I'll grab the rope, "Just in case I fall into the pit."

Ishmael: "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Before we do all of this stupidity again. So Nualia was down here this whole time?"

Loyal: "Yes."

Ishmael: "Well, clearly, she's been up there, so yeah."

Loyal: "How did she get through it, I mean?"

Ishmael: "I mean."

Loyal: "Your guess is as good as mine."

Markus: "You didn't think to ask her?" 

Ishmael: "I did, that's around the time where she, you know, freed herself and tried to kill me, so I didn't really get much of an answer out of her."

Markus: "Right. Yeah OK, I'll try something. Give me a moment, please."

Loyal: "All right."

Ishmael: "Sure thing."

Markus: And Markus will begin casting a spell.

Taury: Then Taury is going to walk up into this room, sit on one of these chairs and start playing cards.

Loyal: Yeah, sounds about right.

Markus: I have no idea if this will actually work, but Markus is going to try and cast Ears of the city.

Loyal: Oh.

GM: From where you are?

Markus: Yes, I figure there are people and goblins that have been living in the general vicinity, so maybe it'll work, maybe it'll just outright fail. Only one way to find out.

Loyal: It's worth a try. Who knows?

Markus: "OK. Well, that didn't work."

Loyal: "Ah I guess we're back at square one then."

Markus: "I do have another idea. Just in case." Markus will cast another spell this time Detect secret doors.

Loyal: It's not a bad idea, actually.

Fenwarin: Ah hum.

Markus: And then will start basically searching around the area that we've unlocked so far to see if there are any secret doors just in case.

GM: You detect two.

Loyal: Whaa?!

Markus: Ha! Excellent.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Loyal: [Laughs] You genius!

GM: Both of them are inside Malfeshnekor's prison. 

Loyal: Ah fuck!

Markus: OK.

Ishmael: [Laughs]

Loyal: Well, that might be an alternate way out of here.

Markus: OK, and I'll focus on them to get details of how to activate them, but other than that, "Ah sorry, Loyal can't seem to find a way around for you."

Loyal: "Ah that's fine. I guess we're doing this?"

Markus: "Well you know it's there, so just try and avoid that particular flagstone as much as possible."

Loyal: Is that something I can do, like essentially skirt through, like the statue space and try to not step on the actual tile?

Ishmael: Well the cage drops. The statues attack, the tile drops as the cage goes up.

Loyal: Yeah.

Ishmael: Probably not.

Loyal: Well I'm thinking maybe like I can get into the statue's space itself to avoid being trapped in by the cage, and falling through the tile.

Ishmael: Hmm...

Markus: I believe that's GM goal isn't it?

Loyal: Yeah, that'll be GM question.

GM: You're not getting an answer.

Ishmael: No. So I'm just gonna-

Loyal: I mean... Fuck it! I'm going to just run through. Fuck this.

Ishmael: 19 to get through the trap?

GM: Ishmael, you get through, no problem.

Loyal: Yeah. Now I shall try... There we go. There you go. Also got a 19.

GM: Loyal, you also make it through with no problem.

Loyal: Allr ight.

Ishmael: "Cool yeah so onward to kill the Malfeshnekor yeah."

Loyal: "Yeah, it seems so." I want to be right up here, not in front, but enough to where I can tap the front liners in the back.

Ishmael: I guess I present key and insert into door to open.

Loyal: Oh wait, are we in formation yet?

Ishmael: Ah I guess I wait for everybody to get ready?

Loyal: "Yeah we should probably get ready."

Taury: Is that you saying, 'I want to hide behind Taury.'

Loyal: Yes, exactly.

Taury: Is that what they call it?

Loyal: That's exactly what that was saying, but also if people have things they want to cast ahead of time.

Taury: Yeah, but mostly 'Can I hide behind Taury?'

Loyal: Yes. Correct.

Fenwarin: I'm gonna cast mage armor on myself first.

Loyal: There you go. See.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Markus: Markus will take a moment to talk to himself and the wind will stir briefly around him.

Loyal: Essentially, as the key gets inserted into the door I just want to swig the spirit share extract I have, so I don't have to spend my move action doing that.

Ishmael: I draw my sword I guess, ready for whatever the hell is going to come at us.

Taury: Yeah, Taury has her bow drawn.

GM: OK. You insert the key, give it a twist and open the door. The room is lit primarily by a 10 foot long pit of flickering fire that fills the room with a strange, humid heat and the smell of burning hair. In the northern corners of the room, wooden risers each holds several dozen golden candles that burn without melting, while to the south, the wall bears an immense carving of a seven pointed star. The fire pit is only a few inches deep, you'll be able to step through it without penalty if you need to, it won't impact your movement. Markus, two alcoves to the south, you know are hidden behind secret doors.

Markus: OK.

GM: You know how they're opened, you see no creature inside.

Loyal: "It's hiding."

Ishmael: "Oh God." Ishmael will just shout out, "We got here already so you can either kill us or we kill you or whatever! Just... [mumbles]" 

GM: Loyal, the voice in your head is still screaming to be released.

Loyal: "It's not out yet."

Ishmael: Cool, I step into the room then.

Taury: Yeah Taury steps in as well.

GM: OK.

Loyal: Step up 1.

Ishmael: "Do you do you have any idea where, where it would be Loyal seeing that it's screaming in your head right?" 

GM: "Release my prison! Release me!"

Loyal: Ah! [Laughs] "Fuck! You said there were secret doors Markus, let's do this quick!"

Markus: OK, where were the secret doors?

GM: There's one here and one here.

Markus: OK, Markus will approach the closest of them, "We ready for this?"

Ishmael: "I mean."

GM: "I am, release me hahaha."

Loyal: "Fuck off."

Taury: [Laughs] Do you say that in Character?

Loyal: Yeah, he probably does say that yeah.

GM: Ishmael, you attempt to walk across that way and bump into something.

Ishmael: All right... Wait what?! Like right here?

Loyal: Uh?

GM: Yeah.

Ishmael: OK, I cast detect magic. 

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Loyal: Oh I don't like this.

GM: OK, I need a will save from you Ishmael.

Taury: Awesome.

Loyal: What?!

Fenwarin: Oh, my God.

Ishmael: What kind of effect is this?

GM: Yeah, a magical one.

Taury: Yup.

Ishmael: OK, awesome.

Loyal: Nice... Oh my God!

Fenwarin: Wow!

Ishmael: Right? Flex!

Taury: What the fuck?!

Loyal: You've rolled so many nat 20's!

Taury: So many 20's.

Ishmael: Yeah dude don't worry, don't worry, they're all like, I'm not going to be a hit for shit for anything so.

GM: You are almost blinded and knocked out, but you shake it off and drop the spell just as it starts to overwhelm you.

Ishmael: Oh God no.

GM: And you realize instantly that this entire room is sealed off with like 20th level binding magics.

Ishmael: OK ooh.

GM: It was just, you were assaulted with so much abjuration magic, it almost put you out.

Ishmael: "Hoh! That's, that's hard to do. OK right. So there's something right here-" and does it feel like there's a wall or is there a thing?

GM: It felt like you bumped into a creature.

Fenwarin: Oh.

Taury: [Laughs] I love that phrase.

Ishmael: Right hmm.

Loyal: Yeah, there's the turn order!

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: 'It felt like that'... the turn order appears.

Ishmael: I miss, see there we go.

Loyal: Fuck we're in such an awkward positioning now.

Ishmael: I wanted to just stab it, but.

Taury: I mean, at least you found it.

GM: Oh no, don't worry, there's no stabbing it beforehand.

Ishmael: Oh OK cool, I just bump into it, though?

GM: It's too late.

Ishmael: Oh no, not being too- whatever. "Let's get this over with creepy monster."

GM: Layer, it is still technically invisible, but I'm putting it on the map layer so I can interact with it.

Taury: Oh my God, what is with me and 9's?!

Fenwarin: Oh, my God.

Markus: OK.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Taury: Fucking hell bro!

Fenwarin: It's the fucking Barghest! Oh my God.

Loyal: Damn, you guys are- [Chuckles] it's not good for you.

GM: So that you can see the entirety of the token, I will move it away from the wall and into the fire, but it is actually currently not against-

Loyal: It's like on the fucking wall?

Taury: In the wall?

GM: Yeah, it is not in the fire because it doesn't want to be burned.

Loyal: Probably doesn't give a fuck about fire anyway though.

Markus: OK. Show us the token.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Taury: Let's see that beautiful monster face.

Fenwarin: No, no.

Taury: It's got adorable ears. I'm just going to go out there and say it.

Fenwarin: Ears or horns?

Loyal: It's spine does- ooh!

Fenwarin: Holy shit.

Taury: No. Less cute now.

Loyal: Yeah less cute.

Taury: It was cute before, now it's not.

Loyal: It's now a lot less cute. 

Taury: This is like-

Ishmael: If you would have been cute, you might've lived, but you're a hideous monster, die now please.

Taury: Yeah this is like-

Loyal: That face is way too human.

Fenwarin: Yeah exactly.

Taury: I don't, I don't love it, put it that way.

Fenwarin: 'I don't love it'! [laughs].

Taury: Like Tinder profile picture, real life.

Fenwarin: Swipe left! Swipe left!

Taury: [Laughs] Oh boy, I hate it, let's kill it.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

All: [Laugh]

GM: OK.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

GM: There's my initiative?

Taury: Well, it's not amazing initiative.

Loyal: Well, I mean some of us go before at least.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: Most of us do.

Taury: At least one of your tanks. [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah, yeah.

GM: All right.

Loyal: It's right next to me and I don't like that it is but.

GM: It will get the first attack, which will be against Ishmael, because you bumped into it Ishmael.

Ishmael: Yeah, of course.

Fenwarin: You bonked it. [Laughs]

Ishmael: Well, well it was a dick and decided to be invisible all right?! Like it could be attacking somebody-

GM: Yes.

GM: This will break it's invisibility when it attacks you.

Loyal: OK. It's actually- 

Ishmael: Cool

Fenwarin: That's good.

Loyal: Fine then, that's probably fine then, yeah.

GM: All right, let's see here. It will start with a bite.

Loyal: Start with, start with?

Fenwarin: Oh man... Whoa!

Ishmael: Yeah it hits.

Loyal: 30 to hit ha?! A 30 to hit, OK. 

Taury: Fucking rude as fuck! 

Loyal: +14 that's nice. 

Fenwarin: Wow I'm glad about the nat-.

Loyal: OK, it rolled a 1 on the damage which makes it 7. 

Fenwarin: Yeah nat 1.

Loyal: I have a feeling it's going to hit us a lot.

GM: And then claw.

Loyal: Huh?

Taury: My God!

GM: Claw.

Fenwarin: My God!

Loyal: Oh my God the fucking 20!

Fenwarin: God.

GM: And the second claw does confirm, yes?

Loyal: Ah 17, holy fuck!

Ishmael: It does, all right, so-

Loyal: Oh my God!

GM: Right so that is 7 + 9 + 17 total damage.

Fenwarin: Shit!

Taury: And the previous 3 bludgeoning that he had previously.

Loyal: Fucking. Yeah from the chair.

Taury: That's rough.

GM: The bite is specifically piercing, the claws are specifically slashing.

Ishmael: OK um-

GM: They are called out.

Ishmael: Right so is the 17 is the damage for that not the 7 right?

GM: Correct, because it confirmed the crit.

Ishmael: OK.

Loyal: Fucking OK.

Fenwarin: My God.

Loyal: Ah.

Markus: It still rolled a 1 in that damage.

Taury: I was just looking at that now and both of them yeah.

Ishmael: All right now, the crit is the one that hurt the most so.

Loyal: Yeah.

GM: Yes.

Loyal: Believe it or not [laughs].

Ishmael: I mean, it's a crit, but yeah I mean like.

GM: [Laughs].

Loyal: Believe it or not, the critical hit hurts!

Ishmael: It's the one I need to soak the most.

Taury: So what a twist of fate! A shocking plot twist.

Ishmael: Goodness, what kind of world do we live in where the crit hurts the worst?! God damn!

Taury: Oh it's almost like that's what critical means, but like God, it doesn't, right?

Ishmael: Ow.

GM: All right so, yeah, that was his fun turn.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: As the surprise round, because he was ready for you, he heard you all outside.

Loyal: Of fucking course he did.

Ishmael: Ah.

Taury: Of course he did.

Loyal: Dick.

GM: He's known you've been coming for a while.

Ishmael: Is it planes or religion or arcana to identify this asshole?

Loyal: I hate, I hate.

Taury: [Laughs] "Identify this asshole." What a roll.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: It is religion.

Ishmael: OK. 17. 

Markus: Can we all do that now?

GM: Yeah, 17 is the DC, and you identify that Malfeshnekor is a Greater Barghest.

Loyal: Oh no.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Loyal: Fuck he's Greater!

Taury: Oh awesome, awesome.

Fenwarin: Wow really.

Loyal: Oh no.

Fenwarin: Damn it.

Ishmael: Damn, if I remember correctly, 'greater' is bad, but whatever, who cares? 

Loyal: Greater generally means stronger. [Laughs]

Taury: You're learning all kinds of maths today.

Loyal: [Laughs] All kinds of stuff today like critical hits hurt more.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Greater means worse.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Yes I mean.

GM: All right.

Taury: Listen, every day is a learning opportunity.

Ishmael: I know, I didn't realize, oh my goodness so much new stuff! Goodness! I didn't realize you're playing the Captain Obvious.

Taury: [Laughs]

GM: All right Ishmael.

GM: You get one question.

Ishmael: All right.

GM: Taury will get one question and Markus will get two.

Ishmael: OK, DR?

GM: Yeah, you need magic to get past this DR.

Ishmael: OK.

Loyal: Ha ha! Well I mean.

Taury: DR being damage resistance, is that what that is? 

Markus: Yup.

Ishmael: Yes.

Taury: Great.

Loyal: We have magic weapons at least.

Taury: Do we?

Ishmael: Yeah 

Loyal: I think Ishmael does.

Ishmael: I do.

Loyal: I have the Dragon slayer longsword if you want to use that?

Taury: Do we all?

GM: No. 

Taury: [Laughs]

GM: All right Runty, you have a question, what would Taury like to know?

Taury: Oh man. It presumably doesn't have like a weakness, vulnerabilities?

GM: If you're asking?

Taury: Well, every time we've asked it so far, you've been like, "no."

Loyal: You never know, I mean if it has a vulnerability, we need to know.

Taury: But yeah fuck it, I'll ask that. What's its like weaknesses or vulnerabilities if it has any?

GM: You should ask a different question.

Taury: Yup.

All: [Laugh] 

Taury: See this is- why didn't you fucking say that when I asked you?!

Loyal: Could've just said it already.

GM: Because it's more fun to say this way.

Taury: It's super not. It's super not. All right, what do we want to know really?

Ishmael: It's best save.

Loyal: Special abilities.

Fenwarin: Hmm.

GM: Hit die.

Loyal: That's an option.

Ishmael: Mm hmm.

Taury: Yeah we go with hit die.

GM: 9.

Loyal: Ha ha.

Markus: Oh yay.

Fenwarin: Oh man.

Loyal: It's a question of 9 whats? 9D8's, 9D10's who knows?

GM: D10's.

Loyal: D10's oh.

Ishmael: All right.

Markus: Does it have spell resistance?

GM: No.

Markus: OK, worst save.

GM: Fortitude.

Markus: Wait. What?! Really?! OK, that's unusual amongst monsters, but OK.

GM: It's its lowest.

Markus: Yeah OK.

Loyal: Doesn't mean it's low. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Yeah. 

Markus: Yeah I know.

Taury: Yeah, all of his other ones are stupid fucking high.

Loyal: Yeah that was just a +9, the rest are a +12.

Taury: Yeah, yeah.

GM: How'd you guess?

Loyal: [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] Ishmael it's your turn.

Ishmael: Wait, like is that all the questions out of the way?

Morana: Don't I have one with a 19?

GM: Oh, Morana had a 19 yeah, Morana you get a question. 

Loyal: [Laughs]

Morana: Special attacks.

GM: Special attacks... None.

Loyal: Just really hurts.

Fenwarin: Hmm.

Ishmael: Yeah

GM: Yeah so again, Ishmael, take it away.

Ishmael: OK.

Markus: Spell combat?

Ishmael: Yes

Markus: I'd recommend defensive casting the first one, the spell, so you don't provoke.

Loyal: That could be bad.

Markus: Yeah.

Ishmael: Yeah. Yes with a swift action I'm gonna, I'm going to use an arcane point so there's that, and then I'm just going to hit him, well I'll make my check... Oh well.

Markus: Was that an attack roll or a-?

Ishmael: No, there we go. Would you say it's 10+ spell?

Markus: For defensive casting it's 15+ twice spell level, so you're fine.

Ishmael: All right, yeah I am fine. Right so I roll to the hit?

GM: Yup. 

Ishmael: So that'll be a...

GM: You essentially are just making a weapon attack.

Ishmael: Yeah. So there you go... Ugh!

Loyal: Eugh.

Markus: OK, but you've, I'm assuming if it's a touch spell, you still got it because you didn't hit. So it'll go off on your second attack if you manage to.

GM: Yup, you can hold the spell and continue to have it ready for when you do hit.

Markus: Ah hmm.

Ishmael: All right, I can't remember so hit and then do I get to hit again, I can't remember yeah? 

Markus: Yes because-

Loyal: Whoo! Here we go, there we fucking go.

Markus: Yeah, because you get a touch attack as part of the spell,

Ishmael: Yeah.

Markus: and you get your your own attack, and because of the class features your touch attack from the spell can be a weapon attack.

Ishmael: OK, then I get to do my spell right, damage? 

Markus: Yup.

GM: That does hit. So yes, you will add your melee attack, your sword damage with your magic as it all goes in to the same damage pool,

Ishmael: All right, I'm going to-

GM: Though, you put an arcane point to make your sword magical, or was it already magical?

Ishmael: Oh well I mean it's a black blade so I guess technically it's already magic I don't know?

GM: Yeah, it's already magic, OK. 

GM: Yeah it's just-

Ishmael: It was just giving a mean extra point of 'to hit' in damage.

GM: OK.

Ishmael: I guess fuck it, I'll just use shocking grasp, you know.

GM: OK.

Loyal: Whoo!

Ishmael: There we go... Oh.

Loyal: Ah fucking blink!

Ishmael: All right so do I need to, I need to make a, I need to roll D100 right?

GM: Yup.

Ishmael: Son of a bitch. All right.

Markus: Is that currently active, is that what that is?

GM: It is. 

Markus: It is, OK.

Ishmael: Are we doing above 50 or below 50 like?

GM: We'll do above 50. All right, so you do hit, your sword doesn't pass through him as if you weren't there.

Ishmael: Yeah.

Loyal: Thank God.

GM: And you deal 23 points of damage.

Ishmael: Yeah. 

Loyal: Cool.

Fenwarin: Wow!

Loyal: Hell yeah! Good, good starting turn.

Ishmael: Also, I've taken more than 5 points of damage do I gain 5 points of damage or like? 

GM: No. 

Markus: No you don't, not today.

Ishmael: OK.

Taury: [Laughs] 'Not today.'

GM: Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Yup, I'm going to cast Twisted space on the barghest.

Loyal: Ooh.

GM: Is that a will save?

Fenwarin: It is... That's not enough.

GM: Well damn!

Loyal: OK, that's an interesting spell. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: Loyal.

Loyal: Well, it's a five foot step away and then I'm gonna tap Taury on the shoulder and spirit share is still up, just barely, but you get true strike on your next attack.

Taury: Yay.

Loyal: It's a +20 and.- Oh also, Taury doesn't have a magical weapon, does she?

Taury: No.

Loyal: Yeah, so in that case then, is it possible with my move action to grab the dragon's bane longsword and just hand it to Taury as well? 

GM: Yes.

Loyal: I will do that, be like, "Use this."

Taury: Yay.

GM: Allright. Malfeshnekor's turn.

Markus: Oh dear. Well, this is going to be fun.

Loyal: Who is it going to hit?

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: Because twisted space went off.

Fenwarin: Basically, yeah.

Loyal: Attack a random person, which is actually probably good in this situation because we don't want it hitting Ishmael.

Markus: It basically means it's probably going to split the attacks between me and Ishmael.

GM: Well, it could also reach Taury and Fenwarin.

Loyal: Oh wow! Can it now?!

Markus: Can it?

Taury: Nobody is safe.

Loyal: Nice. No one's safe.

Taury: It's great.

GM: Morana and Loyal are out of it's reach, but no one else is.

Loyal: Yay, that's probably good that it's actually splitting amongst four people then. 

Markus: Yeah.

Fenwarin: I'd say so, yeah.

GM: All right, so I will roll a D4 to see who we attack, starting with 1 on Markus and 4 is Ishmael and we'll just work our way clockwise around like that.

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: Fenwarin. [Laughs] fun!

Fenwarin: I was expecting it.

Loyal: Fucked by your own spell.

Ishmael: Does it affect each attack separately or does it redirect all of them to one target?

GM: It's a great question.

Loyal: That actually is a good question.

Fenwarin: Let me, let me see... Every attack affects a random target.

GM: OK.

Loyal: So it's random each time.

GM: You're getting bit.

Fenwarin: I'm getting bit, OK.

Loyal: Oof! Oh, that's max damage! Cool.

Fenwarin: Ow! Also.

GM: Second attack, Markus.

Loyal: Markus, OK... Woof!

Markus: Yeah, that'll hit.

GM: Third attack.

Fenwarin: Oh my God!

Loyal: Oh fuck!

GM: Ishmael.

Loyal: God damn it! That's the one we didn't we didn't want it to hit.

Ishmael: OK that's-

Loyal: OK min damage. [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] He's consistently ruled minimum damage against Ishmael. All right, it is now Taury's turn.

Taury: Awesome.

GM: Fenwarin and Markus both already look bloodied from this encounter.

Markus: Mm hmm, yup.

Loyal: Ishmael probably does, too.

Taury: Great.

Loyal: Yeah. [Laughs]

Taury: I was like, oh yeah, I could throw a potion, oh no I can't because it provokes.

Loyal: It's been 1 round!

Taury: Alrighty, I just have to run up and stab it basically, that's what I have to do right?

Loyal: It's probably the best bet because that's your magical thing.

Taury: Yeah that's, that's kind of it, I don't think I could do a whole lot else that's going to be helpful. Yeah so I'll move to here and make an attack with the longsword.

Loyal: And a +20 from true strike.

Taury: And that. Hopefully that rolls correctly.

GM: All right. That would hit, but it doesn't.

Taury: But, but it's got some kind of bullshit.

Loyal: Yeah, yeah because this guy is a fucker.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Yeah.

Taury: [Laughs]

GM: Markus.

Markus: Hmm. Well, five foot step, defensive cast, because I'm still in his threat range and he can make me a will save please as a ark of clashing colors flashes forward in front of him... Damn it.

Loyal: These fucking will fucking saves.

Fenwarin: Ah hmm.

Taury: He's getting a +10 to it though so.

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: That he does, that he does.

Markus: OK.

GM: All right, Morana, can you save your friends?

Morana: Uuuh, hmmm... 

Ishmael: Ah I don't know, easy with that throwing around the 'friend' title on this?

Taury: I was more upset about the 'save them' implying that we're fucked. [Laughs]

GM: Well.

Markus: Really? You don't think we are?

Taury: We're not fucked yet, it's still on the other side of the door.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Morana: All right, I need that little round token back.

GM: Right, I think I deleted it.

Taury: I cast orb of bullshit! [Laughs]

GM: Why did I delete it? I don't know, but I did.

Ishmael: Orb of wonderful friendship.

Taury: Oh, I hate it. Don't call it that.

Loyal: [Laughs] 1 troll friendship.

Ishmael: [Laughs]

Fenwarin: It's just a happy little cloud.

Ishmael: All right Bob Ross, calm the hell down there.

Taury: I like that better.

Fenwarin: Ah, there it is again. [Laughs]

Taury: Happy little cloud. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Happy little cloud.

GM: OK, there you go Morana.

Morana: All right, we're gonna send this happy little cloud on a happy little journey.

All: [Laugh] 

Loyal: Ah man.

Morana: Well shit. And that's a...

Markus: Reflex save I believe?

Morana: Yup reflex.

Loyal: Oh... Oh my God.

Morana: Yeah fuck. Well it made that and it fucking-

Loyal: What the fuck?

Taury: [Laughs]

Morana: Yeah that negates, negates the damage. Don't know why it fucking fully negates and doesn't do for half? 

Fenwarin: Ah ha.

Morana: Yes.

GM: All right, Ishmael.

Ishmael: Yes, hello.

GM: It's your turn. Your flanking buddy stepped out of flank.

Ishmael: I would like- Oh shit! [Laughs] Oh well. 

Loyal: [Laughs]

Markus: Would you rather have been hit by color spray?

Ishmael: So another roll to cast defensively.

GM: All right. 

Ishmael: I got it. I'm going to spell combat again, so I'm using other spells slot. Boop... Shit, that misses right or does it hit?

GM: That hits, and only because the the Barghest is squeezing to not be in the fire.

Ishmael: [Sighs] OK.

Loyal: Thank God.

Ishmael: Cool so this is just normal weapon damage, and my next one will be my actual spell, or does it all go together?

GM: You've cast the spell, so it's this one's with the spell.

Ishmael: OK. 17 damage if... Oh fuck that misses.

Loyal: Fucking fuck. Shit, fuck.

All: [Laugh]

Markus: So good news, your spell hasn't discharged.

Loyal: Oh it's true yeah, has it not?

Ishmael: All right, and then I don't- then I get another attack? 

Markus: You do yeah. 

Ishmael: All right.

Loyal: Ah. 

Markus: That'll hit.

Loyal: Will it hit though?

GM: Yeah roll your percentage first.

Ishmael: OK.

Fenwarin: [Sigh] Shit.

Loyal: Fuck this guy, fuck this thing!

Ishmael: Fucking blink!

Loyal: Fucking fuck! Shit, fuck!

GM: Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah. [laughs]

Taury: [Chuckles] Episode title: Fucking fuck.

Fenwarin: Am I able to move up this side of Morana, without provoking?

GM: No, not without provoking.

Fenwarin: OK, how about a step to the right and not being able to be reached by the Barghest?

GM: To here? 

Fenwarin: Yeah. 

GM: Yeah, that would put you out of reach.

Fenwarin: Good and I'll cast sleep on him.

Loyal: That's an idea.

Markus: Won't, won't work.

Fenwarin: It won't work?

GM: Sleep has a hit die count, max.

Fenwarin: Oh OK.

GM: This creature is above that max.

Ishmael: Use your wand buddy.

Loyal: Yeah, yeah.

Fenwarin: OK um... Magic missile wand, the normal one.

Loyal: Oh boy, oh boy.

Taury: Come on magic missile.

GM: The normal one or the fun one?

Fenwarin: The normal one. [Laughs]

Taury: No! Why not the fun one?!

Loyal: Because we don't want to die! That's why.

Fenwarin: Yeah. I might die when it fires.

Taury: But it's so fun though!

Ishmael: I know.

Markus: So normal magic missile wand is?

Fenwarin: Yup, level 1.

Markus: Ah.

GM: Go ahead and roll your damage then.

Markus: I was going to say, 1's don't provoke but yeah, he doesn't want to be hit again, that's that's why he'd rather than- Yeah.

GM: Yeah.

Fenwarin: Yeah. I'm so squishy, so.

Loyal: He took a hit, and that's good enough.

Fenwarin: Yeah, yeah one hit and it put me at risk yeah.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Markus: Tell me about it!

Fenwarin: Mmm. So 5 damage?

GM: OK.

Loyal: Damage is damage.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: There was a time when the max we could do was 1.

Loyal: That is true, that is very true.

Fenwarin: Yeah. [Laughs]

Taury: So we are peaking right now with the 5. 

Loyal: [Laughs]

GM: Loyal.

Loyal:  All right let's tap Taury on the back, give her true strike again.

Taury: Hell yeah son.

Loyal: And that's... Yeah, not much I can do else as a move action, because I don't want to move from this corner.

GM: Malfeshnekor. Hey, Ishmael.

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: He's chosen you. 

Ishmael: Yeah buddy.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Taury: Oh you're the chosen one.

Loyal: Ah.

GM: You've done the most damage, you are the most risk to him.

Ishmael: "Yeah cool, can somebody heal me, please?"

Loyal: "I'll try my best from over here."

Ishmael: Miss.

Ishmael: "Don't want to die like this."

Loyal: That missed, that's- he rolled a 3...

Ishmael: Yeah a miss.

GM: And then...

Ishmael: Oh my God!

Loyal: Woah!

Fenwarin: Oh my God!

Taury: On no!

Loyal: No! 

GM: Get a crit son!

Ishmael: Ow! You fucker! Why you gotta be like this? Why you gotta be like this?

Taury: [Laughs]

Loyal: [Laughs] It's all in the claws.

Ishmael: All right, son of a bitch.

Taury: Oh boy.

Fenwarin: It's like the two first misses pissed him off!

Loyal: Yeah yeah! [Laughs]

Taury: Yeah, he's mad now.

Ishmael: Quick dodging and then just crunch! Why?

Loyal: Oh!

Ishmael: [Laughs]

GM: Taury, it's now your turn.

Loyal: Oh.

Taury: Awesome.

Loyal: So is Ishmael down or is he still up?

GM: Still up.

Ishmael: No I'm still up.

Loyal: Holy shit. [Chuckles]

Taury: Yeah, he gonna get stabbed with the long sword again.

Loyal: Ooh, you have a +20, but I-

Taury: +20.

Loyal: Does the 20 add to the crit confirm as well or just the attack?

GM: The crit confirmation rolls the same roll that you just rolled, so yes it would be on the-

Loyal: OK, so yeah, so it's a confirm.

GM: Yup.

GM: And...

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Loyal: Oh please.

GM: It does hit.

Loyal: Yes!!! It hits!!!

Taury: [Laughs] Yes!

Loyal: It lands! Hell yeah!

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Loyal: True strike comeing fucking clutch!

Taury: Yeah.

Fenwarin: A good fucking spell.

Loyal: Oh, thank God.

Taury: That's helpful as fuck.

Loyal: Thank God.

Taury: Also might I suggest, that you take the potion of cure light wounds out of Taury's pocket and throw it over to Ishmael.

Loyal: I'm gonna do- I'll do, I'll do my best.

Taury: There are 2 of them.

Loyal: Yeah, I also have an extract on me so.

GM: All right Markus.

Taury: I finally hit something.

Loyal: And crit.

Taury: It's been so long.

Markus: OK, concentration to cast defensively... Damn it fails.

Loyal: Fuck. 

Ishmael: Do you lose the spell or?

Markus: Yeah, I lose the spell.

Ishmael: Ah shit.

Markus: Move, action...  you'll see Markus was wearing some sort of, it's not quite a bracelet because it's more like thread or twine or something like that, leather thonging, that kind of material, it's currently holding something to his wrist. And you'll see him basically fiddle with that and say something. And that's me done.

GM: OK. Morana.

Morana: All right, move action, we're going to do another 3D6, need another reflex save.  

Fenwarin: Please fail...Oh, for fuck sake.

Loyal:  No. [Laughs] Not give a fuck. 

Morana: No, of course not. All right.

Taury: Welp.

Morana: Standard action. Morana will begin casting something ah for the rest of her turn, and that will end my turn.

GM: All right, back to Ishmael.

Ishmael: Cool. Right. Like, I can't really back away anywhere to be safe, so I'm going down swinging, I guess. I mean. I'd like to cast defensively again.

Loyal: Nice.

Ishmael: Because I'm pretty sure if I don't hit with that spell, within that round, it's lost.

Markus: No.

Ishmael: No then I don't really need it, I've already cast a spell therefore, just going to hit... That's the same modifier.

Markus: But you don't get to do the- the attacking twice is because you're casting a spell, so if you're not casting another spell you only get one attack.

Ishmael: OK, OK well then yeah I, yeah then I'm going to cast another spell then I guess. Succeed, 19 to hit.

GM: 19 does hit.

Ishmael: All right... No.

Loyal: Fucking stupid God fucking blink. God.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: [Laughs]

GM: Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Uh hmm.  Can I drink a potion then cast a spell? 

GM: No. 

Fenwarin: And it's the same for using the wand, if I drink a potion right? 

GM: Yup. 

Fenwarin: Oof, well I have to drink a potion.

GM: OK, Loyal.

Loyal: All right, I'm going to have to provoke for this, nice.

Fenwarin: That's shitty.

Loyal: Essentially first I have a question, could I use my tail as a swift action to grab one of the healing potions off Taury's person, because I might need it?

GM: Not as a swift.

Loyal: All right in that case then, I have my extract this is fine, I'm going to have to provoke to do this, essentially I want to run over to get next to Ishmael.

GM: All right, little provoking love tap.

Loyal: Fucking!

Ishmael: Oh my God!

Loyal: I knew it! I knew it was going to crit me! Fuck!

Taury: Ah that's why I was hoping you would throw it.

Loyal: Ow! [Laughs] 

Taury: That's why I wanted you to throw it.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Ishmael: Does that kill you?

Loyal: No I haven't been hit, I haven't been hit in this combat yet so. 

Ishmael: OK. 

Loyal: So now I have.

GM: Now you've been crit.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Loyal: Ow. Fuck.

Taury: But as we know, crits don't do that much damage so he's fine.

Loyal: With my last fucking round of spirit share I'm going to standard action fucking tap Ishmael on the shoulder and deliver that cure light wounds extract I have.

Ishmael: Cool, so how much is that?

Loyal: Ah D8+3, I'm just actually gonna roll it with this, take 11. Max roll.

Ishmael: OK cool, that.

Taury: Helps.

Ishmael: That's 11, that does.

Loyal: Oh.

GM: Malfeshnekor's turn.

Fenwarin: Ah.

Ishmael: OK, am I still a threat?

GM: Yeah! And you're receiving aid! 

Taury: [Laughs]

Ishmael: Really because?

GM: How dare they?

Ishmael: Because Taury just crit that.

Loyal: That's true. [Laughs]

Ishmael: What, what is this?!

Taury: I still didn't crit him for as much as you critted him for though.

GM: Oh don't worry it's getting split, the first attack's going to Ishmael.

Loyal: Oh, my God.

GM: The second attack is going to Taury.

Ishmael: Yeah.

Taury: Ah ha. 25 that's a hit.

GM: And then the bite's going to Ishmael again.

Loyal: Fucking!

Taury: Fuck!

Ishmael: All right. Dude! All right.

Taury: Wow.

Loyal: You still standing?

Taury: [Laughs]

Ishmael: Yeah I'm still alive.

Loyal: Thank God.

Taury: He's Elton John over there.

Loyal: Thank God I healed you, it was worth taking the opportunity attack for that.

GM: That's a lot of damage but it's spread around a little bit.

Loyal: That's a lot of damage. [Laughs]

Taury: That's a lot of damage. 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Glad we all did that.

Ishmael: I'm back down to where I was, I'm 1 under what I was before I got healed.

GM: [Laughs]

Loyal: Good, that's why I healed you.

GM: Oh man! Taury it's your turn.

Taury: Great, I'm gonna-

Ishmael: Fuck this guy and everything he stands for but.

Taury: -stick it with the pointy end.

GM: Yeah, that will not hit.

Taury: Of course it won't. [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah.

GM: Markus.

Loyal: Yeah.

Markus: Well. Yeah, 5 foot step, a defensive cast.. Yeah, that works. What's the light level where Malfeshnekor is?

GM: Normal.

Ishmael: OK, he can make a will save please.

Fenwarin: Come on, please, fail fail fail...

Loyal: Er?

Fenwarin: Oh?

Markus: Fails.

Loyal: Oh, DC 16! Nice.

Fenwarin: Oh nice.

Loyal: Nice.

Taury: Oh.

Fenwarin: Wow.

Taury: Nice.

Loyal: And he rolled a 15 hell fucking yeah!

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: Trapped, so dope.

GM: All right, Morana.

Morana: All right, as Morana finishes chanting out her spell, she brings the needle down and buries it into the doll. I need it to make another will save... Ah shitty-ass fucking damage.

Loyal: Wow, that's fucking, yeah that's shit damage.

Morana: Yeah, and it made the will save, so it takes half, so it takes 3 fucking damage.

Taury: That's not a lot of damage.

Morana: Yeah, no shit.

Ishmael: It's fine it, it's OK.

Taury: [Laughs] Yikes.

GM: You have bloodied this creature.

Fenwarin: Well that's good at least. 

Morana: Fucking yay.

Loyal: [laughs] Nice. Cool.

GM: Ishmael.

Ishmael: Cool, final last ditch hope, burning last spell slot, casting defensively.

Markus:  It fails.

Ishmael: Yeah fuck it, I'm just going to hit it then.

Taury: [Laughs] Fuck it. I punch it in the face!

Ishmael: No wait, no wait, no fuck. Fuck that! I'm not casting defensively, fuck it, I guess I can provoke. I don't- yeah.

Loyal: Sure [laughs]

Ishmael: Yeah at this point yeah maybe, who knows, who cares. Oh shit. I don't know, I don't know I'm kind of scared- fuck it, whatever I don't care. I'm just going to swing at...

GM: So no spells strike, just damage, right?

Ishmael: Yeah, so does that hit? 

Markus: It's entangled.

GM: So yes, it does.

Loyal: Nice.

Taury: Yay.

Loyal: Good.

Ishmael: Oh wait, is it considered helpless now?

Markus: No it's just, just entangled.

Loyal: Is that how we're going to kill this thing, make it helpless like we did the Quasit?

Taury: Listen, if we could coup de gras it, I'd be impressed.

Loyal: I think it's a bit big to do that.

Ishmael: A 9 damage- well first I guess I should... Yeah I miss anyway, it doesn't matter.

Loyal:  Fucking stupid blink.

Ishmael: Because it's blinking right and less entangled.

Loyal: When does that go away?

Ishmael: Like 9 more rounds or something?

Loyal: Cool.

GM: Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Yeah, I'm going to attempt the cursed wand.

Loyal: Here we go, [Chanting] cursed wand, cursed wand, cursed wand..

Taury: Hell yeah.

Fenwarin: To do some damage. 

Taury: Hell yeah son.

Fenwarin: OK, here we go... I knew it.

Loyal: [Loud crash in background] I threw my journal! Ah!

All: [Laugh]

Fenwarin: Aaah! Damn!

Taury: [Laughs] God damn it!

Loyal: Right when we need it to not, it does!

Taury: God damn it.

GM: Roll that beautiful damage man.

Fenwarin: Ow.

Loyal: [Laughs] "Ow" he says.

Ishmael: Ow.

Taury: Ouch.

Markus: Well, that's a lot lower than it could have been.

Fenwarin: That, that's true, it could have killed me.

Loyal: Yeah, is it time for me to do the- if you have the fucking shit fuck sound bite, play it now.

Taury: [Laughs]

GM: All right, Loyal.

Taury: It's fine, this is fine.

Loyal: Doesn't fucking matter now, I don't know, I'm out of everything.

Taury: Everything is fine.

Loyal: Let's throw a bomb, I don't know if that will work well. Let's just see if I can start moving away, five foot step won't get me out of its reach, but... I don't fucken- I don't know what the fuck I can do?

Morana: Well, considering it's taking such great pains to stay out of the fire, fire might be kind of effective.

Loyal: That's what I'm thinking. The thing is, if I throw a bomb it provokes, and that could just result in me going down. [Sighs]

Ishmael: Roll the dice, buddy.

Loyal: Fuck it yeah.

Taury: I mean, yeah.

Loyal: We need damage. I'm going to throw a bomb at it. I'm going to attempt to essentially throw to where I won't hit any of them in the splash, because it's like squeezing up again so I want to hit it against the wall, essentially.

GM: Sure... That will hit... potentially.

Loyal: I mean yeah.

Fenwarin: Uh oh.

GM: You do hit it. 

Loyal: OK. 

GM: Takes the full 13 points of damage from your fire.

Loyal: Oh nice, OK I'll take that.

GM: But it will also make an attack of opportunity on you.

Loyal: Yup, ow!

Ishmael: Do you go down?

Loyal: Nope still up.

Ishmael: Good, that's good.

Loyal: Barely, but I'm still up. Yeah, that's my turn. Actually do I- do I still have a-? Oh OK, I still have a cure light wounds potion, since it's already taken an opportunity attack, I will move action, accelerated drinker, drink my potion of cure light wounds.

GM: All right, go ahead and do that, it's its turn.

Ishmael: Goodbye, everybody.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Oh shit.

GM: Ishmael, first attack on you.

Ishmael: Yeah... OK that was scary for a second. OK.

GM: Second attack on Taury.

Fenwarin: Oh my God! 

Loyal: Ow! 

Fenwarin: How the hell?

Loyal: That's the fourth fucking time it's crit!

GM: This thing is a crit monster.

Taury: Yikes.

Loyal: Ah!

Taury: Yikes.

GM: And the third is on Loyal.

Loyal: Yeah. 

GM: Last attack is on Ishmael.

Ishmael: Oh fuck.

Fenwarin: Low, oh my God.

Ishmael: Oh thank God.

Loyal: Well, it didn't crit right? [Laughs]

Ishmael: That's good.

Loyal: Min damage.

Ishmael: "Would you just die already."

Loyal: "Why won't you die?"

GM: "Why won't you?"

Loyal: "Oh fuck you."

GM: Taury.

Taury: Uh huh. I as a swift action, I'm going to use fervor to heal,

Loyal: Nice.

Taury: I'll take 7.

Loyal: And you rolled that 6 on a D6

GM: Great, so that's your swift action.

Taury: Yeah. Can, can crying be my next action? 

All: [Laugh] 

Taury: No.

Loyal: Yes, I mean it can. [laughs]

Taury: Oh that's 10HP, this is not good.

Fenwarin: Crying is free action.

Taury: Yeah I mean, I super don't want to move in here now, but I kind of have to, I don't think it matters does it really? Yeah, I gonna move in here.

GM: "Yeah, do it."

Fenwarin: Oh man.

Taury: Listen, it's fine

Loyal: It's a flank.

Taury: And stick it with the pointy end.

Loyal: Yeah, plus the 2 from flank.

GM: Yeah, that definitely hits.

Loyal: Does it though? No it doesn't.

Taury: Yeah does it though?

GM: It would definitely hit.

Taury: That's incorrect usage of the word "definite".

GM: [Laughs].

Ishmael: Possibly? No.

Loyal: Possibly.

Taury: Just like earlier when you were like, it's safe to transverse around the fucking fire.

GM: Yeah.

Taury: It's, it's not how that works, that's not how definite articles work. [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] Meh! Markus.

Taury: Please heal me.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Yeah like I'm at 8.

Taury: I'm at 10.

Loyal: I'm at 11. [laughs]

Ishmael: Yeah.

Fenwarin: I'm at 6.

Taury: Yeah but we're beside it.

Loyal: I'm still in range.

Taury: Yeah, but you can run away.

GM: Good job keeping all your hit points, Morana, well done.

All: [Laugh]

Morana: That's what I do.

GM: Everyone else is damaged and crying and  Morana is back there like, "Don't worry, I've got this." [laughs]

Loyal: I can run away if need be.

Ishmael: Closes door...

All: [Laugh]

Morana: I am most certainly am not saying that but, you know.

Fenwarin: It's a tactical position.

Taury: Well, she doesn't have the key, so she can't run away and lock the door, so it will follow her.

Loyal: I'm gonna start looking up how death works in this, and like when you die, that might matter soon.

GM: Hmm, maybe.

Taury: It might matter soon. [Laughs] Yikes!

GM: Markus, what are you doing?

Markus: Pulling out the wand and casting cure light wounds on Taury.

Taury: Thank you.

Fenwarin: All right.

GM: Morana it's your turn.

Morana: Uh hmm, well I can try this- all right ranged touch attack.

GM: That hits.

Morana: Oh?

Loyal: Touch and entangle, yeah.

GM: Yup.

Morana: All right, so that's a 6.

GM: That will hit.

Loyal: Oh! Exactly 50 on the D100! Holy shit!

Fenwarin: Just on the dot yeah.

Morana: That's a 4, I think I needed to make a fortitude save.

Fenwarin: At least it's the lowest.

Loyal: Hey, there we go!

Fenwarin: It failed it, it loses 4 points of strength as a ray of enfeeblement smacks it in the chest.

Loyal: Nice! Hell yes!

GM: Oh.

Fenwarin: Sap that strength.

Markus: Yeah, that'll help.

GM: -4 points of strength, it's strength is no longer above 20.

Ishmael: Yay.

All: [Laugh]

Markus: Uh hmm, yup. 

GM: Ishmael.

Ishmael: OK, is it still looking bloody and upset?

GM: Oh yeah, yeah.

Ishmael: Oh, do I make to the smart decision and try and get away even though I mean I'm fucked either way? I have no way to burst heal. Try to heal myself more than just like you know regen, which I mean- I pull out my wand of infernal healing and I cast it on myself. 

GM: OK. 

Ishmael: Yup so...

GM: That will be 1 point of healing for you.

Ishmael: Yup, yup.

GM: OK, Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Yup, I'm going to drink my last potion of cure light wounds before I do anything else. So that's basically my turn.

GM: OK, Loyal.

Loyal: Five foot step up and I'll attempt the same thing as before, throwing a bomb, not hitting them in the splash.

GM: OK.

Loyal: Cool.

GM: That does hit.

Loyal: Thank God, 15.

GM: Hmm.

Taury: 15 is nice.

Loyal: Yeah, that's my turn.

Fenwarin: Good one.

GM: Attempts to cast a spell and fails.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Ishmael: Does he provoke? 

GM: No.

Loyal: Trying defensively.

Taury: Why not? Because bullshit. 

All: [Laugh]

GM: Taury.

Taury: I am going to use another fervor to swift heal for 3 which is fine, and stab it with the long sword. 

Fenwarin: Hell yes. 

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: That just hits.

Taury: I was hoping that.

Fenwarin: Ooh. 

Loyal: Ooh [laughs].

Taury: And I was hoping that, I was trying to calculate it, I was like, all my good attacks haven't though. [Chuckles] But it's fine, I'm not mad about it at all.

Loyal: I mean hey.

GM: Markus.

Markus: A five foot step and then range touch attack, as Markus throws some shadows at it... That'll hit.

Fenwarin: Ooh nice.

Loyal: OK.

Taury: That's nice.

Loyal: Thats nat 20.

Markus: So it is still entangled as shadows wrap around it and pin it in place. However, it now has concealment against anyone that doesn't have dark vision.

GM: Sorry Fenwarin.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: But it's OK because he can still hit himself.

Loyal: He can just magic missile.

Markus: But using magic missile it helps but so.

Loyal: Yeah,

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: Morana.

Loyal: Also, Taury you should be adding 1 to that damage there because it's a +1 so.

Taury: Oh sweet.

GM: So you've hit twice with that sword, we'll add an extra 2 points damage for you.

Taury: Thank you! [High pitched and forlorn]

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Thank you. Thank you sir.

GM: All right, Morana.

Morana: I have a quick question. 

GM: Ah ha. 

Morana: If- I'm sure I've asked you this before, but if something says you can use a touch up to 1 time per level, that's with the same casting right?  

GM: Yes.

Morana: OK.

GM: To touch multiple people that are around you, that sort of thing.

Morana: Oh well no OK right, you can't tough the same thing, only once.

Markus: No this, this is an offensive one from the sounds of it.

Morana: Yeah.

GM: Oh.

Markus: Unless it specifically has a duration that says it must be used within x time frame or anything like that, then yes.

Morana: No it just says duration instantaneous.

Markus: Yeah, then the moment you cast another spell, you'll dissipate the charge, but you get however many attacks it says it gives you.

GM: Oh right, right, right. Yeah.

Ishmael: With that.

Morana: So you're saying it could be used 3 rounds, the same thing?

GM: Yes.

Markus: Mm hmm, yeah.

Morana: OK, in that case, standard action Morana begins casting and I'm going to end my turn there.

Ishmael: OK.

GM: Interesting, Ishmael.

Ishmael: Cool I uh, I uh- fuck it, let's go! Let's go! Oh fuck, that misses.

GM: That misses, flat out misses.

Ishmael: Wait, wait, wait no it doesn't, would a 13 hit right?

GM: Yes.

Ishmael: All right yeah, I'm not doing spells anymore.

GM: Oh so clutch.

Ishmael: Ah.

GM: So you do actually hit, yes.

GM: Yes, and what do you do?

Ishmael: Ah! 13 damage.

GM: What you do is.

Loyal: Ooh.

Ishmael: Yes!

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Loyal: Ah! Oh.

Ishmael: Ah.

Taury: Very nice.

Morana: Is very nice.

Ishmael: Very nice.

Morana: I like.

Ishmael: Fuck yeah.

GM: And that is where we'll break.

Ishmael: Bring my sword down upon its head.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

Loyal: That's a good break oh my God. It's cathartic release! [Laughs]

GM: You have felled Malfeshnekor. We will take a break here.

Loyal: Fuck! That was so, that was so scary.

GM: [Laughs]

Taury: Hell yeah.

Morana: Nicely fucking done!

GM: That was a CR 7 encounter.

Ishmael: Oh my God! I was- 

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: That was pretty sweet.

Fenwarin: Wow.

GM: You have all gained a level.

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: Holy shit!

Fenwarin: Woah!

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: Yeah.

Ishmael: Geez.

Fenwarin: Yes.

Loyal: Hell yeah.

Markus: Ho ho ho.

GM: You don't need to gain it immediately you can wait till after the session, but beating Malfeshnekor gains you a level.

Loyal: That's fair yes.

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: I have a feeling we're not going to be doing a lot of fighting, nice.

Taury: Fuck yeah dude!

Loyal: Fuck yes!

Taury: Nicely handled.

Loyal: None of us even went fucking down, hell yeah.

Fenwarin: Good job everyone.

Taury: Nobody went down!

Fenwarin: Holy shit.

Loyal: We just, we had to spam all of our healing, but-

Taury: It worked though.

Markus: Important question, do we get the hit points from the level now? 

All: [Laugh]

GM: You may.

Loyal: Thank you.

GM: That my friends, that, is how a climatic battle should go.

Morana: Yes.

Ishmael: Mm hmm.

Markus: Yeah.

GM: Even I wasn't sure if somebody was going to fall in that battle before you killed him off.

Ishmael: I was preparing something, a new character, I thought I was gonna die.

Fenwarin: I was also preparing for it.

Markus: I kind of started working on backup character before this session.

Fenwarin: Oh my God, OK.

Ishmael: [Laughs]

Markus: There was a moment or two in that fight when I thought I might need it.

Fenwarin: Hmm. Yeah, I was almost sure of it because of the hit die and, oh my God, the attacks. How happy were you that we were going into that room?

GM: Honestly? I thought you should have done the upper stuff first and came back. 

Fenwarin: Hmm.

Markus: Yeah.

Loyal: My thought process was we're at full strength now, let's fucking end this thing.

GM: Yeah, but I was thinking, level wise.

Loyal: Oh, like get a level from clearing the top stuff then come down?

GM: Yeah, yeah.

Markus: Yeah, yeah.

Loyal: Yeah.

Fenwarin: Makes sense.

Loyal: Personally I didn't think we would gain a level from clearing the top stuff, considering we came in backwards but, we did it.

Markus: Well, we don't know what's there, we don't know how big this place is.

Loyal: Exactly yeah.

Fenwarin: Yeah, that's true.

Markus: Yeah.

Fenwarin: True.

GM: Uh huh. Yeah, the average party level, third level characters, took down a, CR7 Barghest, greater Barghest.

Loyal: Holy shit!

Fenwarin: We continue to do things completely backwards.

GM: Yup.

Loyal: Yeah! [Laughs]

GM: I will admit that if you had been differently positioned at the beginning of the fight, like if he would have had his full space and not been squeezing?

Loyal: That would have gone a lot of different.

GM: Yes, or if it had been a different type of scenario where he wasn't bound in this little room, it would have been a lot different as well.

Markus: Yeah.

GM: So you open the secret doors.

Markus: Yup, that was going to be-

Ishmael: They are elevators to the top, please say yes.

GM: They are not, they are just alcoves with shelves.

Ishmael: Damn! Anything on the shelves?

GM: A single silver coffer sits on it's side on one of the shelves in the western alcove,

Markus: Ooh.

GM: the coffer itself is worth maybe 100 gold, but the real treasure sits inside it, buried in a bed of fine white sand, you see a ring of force shield.

Markus: Ooh, nice!

GM: Engraved on the on the ring is a 7 pointed star.

Ishmael: Cool. I feel like we give that to Fenwarin.

Loyal: Oh, that sounds cool.

Fenwarin: What does that do?

Loyal: Even Taury.

Markus: It's yeah, it's basically a shield that doesn't require, or spell failure, doesn't require a hand to wield it.

Loyal: It creates basically a literal force shield like riot shield-esque fucking thing and a force, it's dope.

GM: When activated, the shield like plane of force generated by this ring manifests itself as a 7 pointed star that floats around you protecting you.

Loyal: Ah that's even cooler.

Fenwarin: Wow that's cool yeah.

Taury: Cool.

GM: Each of the racks in the corners of the room contain 30 eternal candles, so 60 candles in all, these are minor magical candles that burn eternally without heat, similar to continual flame spells, but shed only shadowy light in a five foot radius. Each candle is worth 25 gold.

Loyal: Hmm.

Fenwarin: I mean, that's not bad.

Loyal: Start hoarding candles.

Fenwarin: Yeah times 60, fill your bags with candles.

Taury: Well, we still have gems and shit we got to collect.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: Got a lot.

Markus: Yeah we we've got a whole bunch of stuff, I'm keeping track of it so.

Loyal: Cool a force shield, that's awesome.

Markus: Anything else?

Ishmael: Wait, wait a ring of force shield, that doesn't block magic missile does it?

GM: It does.

Ishmael: Shit.

Loyal: Oh it does.

Markus: Oh it does yeah, yeah.

Loyal: OK if we give it to Fenwarin he'd be immune to the curse damage from it's wand.

Taury: That'd be sweet actually.

Fenwarin: Whould I?

GM: It will negate 1 missile. 

Loyal: Oh OK.

Fenwarin: That's still one missile.

Taury: Still hurts.

Fenwarin: And it still hurts.

Loyal: So I mean, still probably better on like Taury though because it's a +2 to AC, the shield has no check penalty, none of that.

Taury: Well, what about Ishmael 'cause I've got a higher AC than Ishmael right now?

Loyal: Oh yeah, I guess also a matter, I guess, does it take up an arm as if you're using the shield?

Markus: No.

Taury: No, it floats.

Loyal: OK.

Taury: That's the thing it floats.

Markus: Yeah in which case yeah, that gives Ishmael a shield.

Taury: Yeah because like, I have 23 and then I also have a bit of healing, whereas Ishmael just doesn't.

Loyal: Yeah, he also- also this doesn't have any arcane spell failure chance so it would be like the only way that Ishmael could have a shield.

Taury: Yeah.

Markus: Yeah, from a game mechanics point of view, it gives Ishmael the ability to have the shield and still do his magus stuff.

Ishmael: Yeah.

Markus: Which is really, really good for him.

Ishmael: But also it would bump me up to what, 22?

Taury: Yes, see I'm on 23 AC.

Markus: Yeah.

Taury: So that's kind of why I'm saying it might be good to bump Ishmael up.

Ishmael: Hmm, that works.

Markus: Yeah I was gonna say, Ishmael or Fen, absolutely one of them, but-

Taury: Because you got hit with like, how many? 31 damage, fucking attack rolls?

Ishmael: Nah, I got hit by like, today has been a lot of crits.

Loyal: A lot.

GM: Three of the five crits.

Taury: So many.

Loyal: Three times, of the five that there were.

GM: [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Markus: Anything else loot wise that we find?

GM: No, that's it.

Ishmael: All right so this alcove's completely empty?

GM: Yup. So you've dealt with Nualia and Malfeshnekor now, the only threat that remains at Thistletop that you're aware of is a goblin army that is now essentially leaderless. Right?

Taury: The entire party rolls intimidation. [Chuckles] 

Ishmael: Yeah.

Morana: That's when we take the heads of Nualia and Malfeshnekor upstairs and toss them into the middle of the goblins and say, "Where is your leader now?!"

Taury: I vote to do that, can we do that?

Ishmael: It's funny you mention it, because that's exactly what Ishmael was doing.

Loyal: Speaking of which, I will walk over and kick the barghest corpse.

Ishmael: It comes alive one last time.

Fenwarin: Yeah, as per usual.

Ishmael: And bites you one last time, just.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Morana: Roll your heal check.

Loyal: Yeah all right, let's roll that.

GM: All right. It's dead, but as you kick it, it falls into the fire and begins burning the corpse.

Morana: No, get  the head! [Laughs]

Loyal: I will attempt to cut off the head as quick as possible. And he's just like sawing through the head.

Taury: It's the second time we've done something like this, sawing fucking corpses. [Laughs]

Loyal: [Laughs] If I can't get the head off in time, I'll definitely cut off an ear.

Markus: No, no, no, pull it out of the fire.

Loyal: I mean yes, I will. I'm kind of like doing that at the same time is trying to cut the head off.

Markus: Prioritize one or the other, or you might not do both.

Loyal: Listen. [Laughs] Mini panic.

Taury: Listen Quiet, that's not how his character works.

Loyal: Exactly.

Ishmael: Do I need to roll or can you just let me cut the head off?

GM: Yeah, you can cut the head off no problem.

Ishmael: All right, and then I go into the room where Nualia is dead and do the same? 

GM: Sure.

Loyal: Ooh.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Ishmael: And I take a bit of rope and tie them both to my waist.

Morana: Yeah, I'm going to get the, get the head of the yeth hound too.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Tie 'em to your waste.

Fenwarin: The order will be: throw yeth head, throw Nualia head, throw Malfeshnekor head.[Laughs]

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: I just love that like "permission GM to cut it's head off", it was just a statement that was said

Loyal: [Laughs] Permission to remove it's head please.

Fenwarin: Are we doing that to the priest again? Just throwing creatures at him and it's like "ah here"?

Morana: No, we're doing that to the whoever's upstairs like-

Fenwarin: Oh! OK.

Taury: The 'Gerblins'.

Morana: You think you have a prayer? Here's what we've already done. Flee.

Fenwarin: Yeah, yeah, they'll, they'll run away. [Chuckles]

Taury: Just ask 'em, "heads or tails?" 

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Ah, ah. They always go for heads, every time.

Taury: Yeah, they do.

Morana: [Laughs] Oh God all I can think of now is us walking into the temple in Sandpoint with them, and pulling a John Carpenter's Vampires reference, just toss 'em onto the floor in front of the father and say, "Nothing like a little head hey padre?" 

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Oh, God damn it.

Morana: And I'm done.

Ishmael: Yeah, I guess we go about- I mean here's the other question, do we just go out the way we came and then just go up and march up there?

Taury: I mean, you were too afraid to run through the door so.

Ishmael: I mean.

Taury: You could do that again.

Morana: We would have to figure out how to get out of the water cave and back around now that the rope has gone.

Ishmael: Shit.

Loyal: It's true.

Markus: Yeah, we might all get swept away by the currents.

Morana: I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Loyal: And let's not go out that way. We have to go through the trap again?

Morana: Yes.

Markus: Yeah.

Taury: Listen! The fucking trap?! Compare the trap to what we just fucking killed.

Loyal: I mean yeah, but like- [Laughs]

Taury: Which decision was better?

Loyal: It's a pain in the ass! [Laughs]

Markus: And then we were all stuck in a pit.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: That would be the worst end to a campaign ever!

Taury: Yeah, but we're not we're not all going to run across it at the same time, I would hope?

Loyal: One after the other fall in the fucking pit.

Taury: Just everybody all Scooby Doo drops, fucking- 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Like in that fucking one shot.

Taury: Hey I found the trap again.

Ishmael: Oh. I guess, I guess we're going through the traps, right? Backwards that'll be fine.

Taury: Yeah, yeah is it backwards if it's the right way?

Fenwarin: Well you should be used to this, this is what we do. [Laughs]

Taury: [Laughs] This is how we do this.

Fenwarin: That's fair.

Ishmael: Well.

Taury: It's that kind of day.

Ishmael: Oh, fuck, 14 to get through it now.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Ishmael: [Groans]

Taury: It's a reflex, right?

Ishmael: Yeah.

GM: Would you like to re-roll that?

Ishmael: I would love to re-roll that... there you go. Can I cartwheel through? I'd like to cartwheel through.

Loyal: Yes but, you're on -4.

Markus: OK, I can deal with a -4 maybe.

Taury: Maybe.

Ishmael: I would hope that would get me through. I guess I yeah, I guess I have to step into this room so that the next person can get in. 

GM: OK. 

Ishmael: Or through. You know like-

GM: Your book's still in the room.

Ishmael: That's good, I like that book. [Laughs] I threw wrong book, actually threw spell book in the room, damn it, that was close! 

GM: [Laughs] 

Ishmael: I wait for the next person to show up I guess, like "We're doing this right?"

Loyal: "I'll go."

Morana: Things I won't be doing next.

Loyal: Fuck! 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Oh! 

Loyal: Time to roll a nat 1.

Morana: Dude!

Taury: I love how you did it twice successfully and this is the time.

Loyal: Yeah, then fuck it up now.

GM: Would you like to roll again?

Loyal: Please... that's better.

GM: I'm feeling nice after that fight.

Morana: Ah thank you GM you're so courteous, kind and loving.

Taury: That's only because he's really excited about whatever the fuck is on the other side.

Ishmael: I like to cast infernal healing on myself again.

GM: You're good Fenwarin, you make it through the trap no problem. You know what? Everybody makes it through the trap.

Ishmael: Sweet.

Taury: Great.

All: [Laugh]

Morana: We kill a greater barghest and just can't get through this simple little trap, nope we're fucked. This is where the campaign ends. We're all in the pit! 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loyal: I don't want to fucking deal with this.

Ishmael: Yeah, I pick up my book and I guess I go to this door and kill us all?

Markus: OK. Well, before we go any further, Markus will do the thing that I was going to do in the fight but couldn't, which is fiddle with a device that he's got currently attached to his wrist and speak a few words.

GM: The door that you opened was already slightly ajar. It's a stone door detailed with carvings that once covered it's surface but are now defaced by chisel marks and hammer blows. The extent that only a few remnants of images, mostly of gemstones and crowns remain. The floor here is slanted downwards towards the west. There's a hallway that curves off towards the north where you can see a staircase.

Loyal: Sweet.

GM: Cracks line the walls here and there, and it seems like this staircase is fairly clean of dust and rubble, whereas much of the rest of the level that you were just exploring was cluttered with dust, rubble and cobwebs.

Ishmael: "Ah. They did a bit of cleaning, that's nice."  I guess I start creeping my way up the steps. I mean, I wait for everybody to hopefully be behind me.

Taury: Yeah, Taury follows him pretty closely, I would imagine.

Loyal: While we're going Loyal will take out his boro beads since it's the next day, and I'm just going to essentially rejuvenate my cure light wounds extract and then drink it immediately.

Ishmael: We could just take this time to heal ourselves up a bit I mean, with the wand. 

Loyal: Yeah just in case something comes up.

Taury: That's probably a good idea.

Markus: The wand is getting low on charges, it's not desperate but-

Loyal: And yeah, we found it like in a dungeon, so we didn't have a huge amount of charges.

Ishmael: I mean, we can always buy a new one.

Loyal: That's true.

Markus: We could yes. 

Ishmael: I hit myself with infernal healing yet again. I mean I reckon I can just start healing people with infernal healing, it'll just take a bit longer.

Taury: I also have cure light wounds as well.

Loyal: I also have a special thing.

Markus: "Oh. Um, Ishmael, you might have more use of this than I will." and he'll pass a wand forward.

Ishmael: I take the wand, what is the wand? 

Markus: Shocking grasp. 

Ishmael: Ah sweet! That's very good.

Markus: So it's first level cast so it's not as good as you can cast it yourself. However, it currently has 28 charges so.

Ishmael: That's very good.

GM: All right, Taury. 

Taury: Ah hmm.  

GM: You reach the top of the stairs and see the back of a secret door. Ishmael is behind you and Markus just behind that. Loyal, Fenwarin and Morana you are all on the stairs still.

Taury: So I'm looking at the back of a locked door yes?

GM: Secret door.

Taury: Secret, well it's not very secret, if I can see it.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Never change. Would you like to try and open the secret door?

Taury: Yeah that's- I was getting there. [Laughs] 

Yeah, Taury would like to attempt to open the door or find somewhere where it opens on this side.

GM: Perception check. You'll gain a +2 since you are on the back of it.

Taury: Hell yeah. Watch me fail it though... No, sweet.

GM: All right, you easily find the switch to open the door. You can also tell that it appears that this door has been heavily trafficked over the past few weeks or so, recent activity.

Taury: I push it open and walk through.

GM: OK.

Ishmael: I follow behind.

Taury: I don't like the way said that.

GM: A large wooden work table sits in the middle of this room, its surface cluttered with scrolls, books, stone tablets covered with dense, spiky ruins and fragments of carvings that appear to have been chipped off of statues or bas-reliefs. To the north, a floor to ceiling set of wooden shelves sags with picks, shovels, brushes, lanterns and other equipment one might expect to see in an archeologist's site. As you enter the room, you see a woman reading over her scrolls and stuff, and she is very startled by your appearance.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: "Greetings."

Taury: [Laughs] Hello there.

Ishmael: Oh, yeah! Hello there.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Hello there.

Taury: What's with the cloak flick as well, absolutely.

Ishmael: [Laughs]

Markus: Description wise would she look to be dark skinned?

GM: Yes, she's in her early 20's with dark skin and long hair braided tightly into cornrows.

Markus: OK.

Ishmael: Is she saying anything, is she screaming for help or?

GM: There's a white cat that is sitting on the table cleaning its paws.

Taury: Is the cat saying anything? [Chuckles]

GM: No.

Taury: No, nobody's saying anything.

Ishmael: I reach forward to pet the cat.

GM: The cat hisses at you.

Ishmael: That's fair. [Laughs]

Taury: That's fair, I'd hiss at you too.

Loyal: [Laughs].

Ishmael: "Whatever, right, cool so we're all gonna go out that way, unless you have something else to say or? Your boss is dead, your job's done. Right. Taury you want next door or do you want me to go through the door?"

Taury: She nods at you and attempts to open the door to the right.

GM: "Wait. Who are you, how did you get here and what do you mean Nualia is dead?!"

Ishmael: Like Ishmael will hold up Nualia's like head just on a rope. 

All: [Laugh] 

Ishmael: "As I said, your boss is dead. We came through the back, sorry I left that part out."

Loyal: 'We came through the back'!? 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: [Laughs] 'We came in the back,' oh God that is so good!

Ishmael: Ah there's a back door like I mean.

Fenwarin: [Chuckles] There's a back door yeah.

Morana: I can hear this from the bottom of the stairs right?

GM: Yes.

Taury: I hope so.

Ishmael: Yes.

Morana: All right so as he's saying that from the bottom of the stairs, Morana goes, "Ah yeah, we got Nualia and her little dog too!" and yeets the yeth head upstairs.

All: [Laugh]

GM: OK, um.

Taury: Are we all chaotic neutral?

Markus: No.

Morana: And I'd like to follow that up with an intimidate roll, if I can.

GM: She begins dry heaving a little bit, but then regains her composure.

Loyal: [Laughs] Oh my God.

Ishmael: Oh, my God.

GM: "Barbarians!"

Markus: "My apologies for my companions, they are effective but, hardly diplomatic."

Morana: "It's been a long fucking day!"

Ishmael: "Two days technically."

Morana: "Yeah, two."

Ishmael: "Also I resent the term Barbarians, it's been a while since I've been called that though."

Markus: "Would you prefer thug?"

Taury: "What is it Markus always with the, with the sleights?"

Loyal: [Laughs] She's looking at us arguing among ourselves. 

All: [Laugh]

Morana: I mean, Morana continues talking from the bottom of the stairs. "I mean, you say barbarians, but, you know, it's not like you were planning to burn down a town or anything. I mean pot, kettle, what the fuck do you want?"

Loyal: "It's true."

Ishmael: "Have you met?"

Morana: "Yeah."

Taury: "I hate to say it, but she has a point."

GM: "I was only interested in the history of this place. I don't care for any of Nualia's harebrained schemes, she was insane."

Ishmael: "Oh I see, so ends justify the means, OK I got you."

Morana: "Well, now you're free of her, now you're free to study the history all you want without demonic influence hanging over your head, isn't that wonderful? That's a plus!"

Taury: "You should really, really have some dinner with Markus sometime, never shuts up about it."

Ishmael: "Also, you should be careful, there is a trap, pit don't fall into it or anything."

GM: "Oh yes, I'm aware of that." 

Loyal: "Cool."

Markus: "Do you know how to get past it?"

GM: "Yes, you you run very quickly and then dive."

Markus: "I see."

Ishmael: "Yeah I figured that out the second time through, so."

Markus: "So you, you are studying the ruins, anything interesting you've found?"

Taury: Taury has walked through the door.

Ishmael: I'm going through too.

Morana: Then Morana walks into the room and, "Sorry about the head thing, just you know, you never know what kind of people you're going to run into in here, it's best to lead with a strong start." 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Damage control.

GM: "Yes. And to answer your question no, there's been not anything of any significant meaning yet that I've found. There is a very interesting pillar of gold coins that I think there's something behind it but I have yet to figure out the mechanisms to open."

Morana: "You did, you, you could [Stammers] umm... hmm."

Markus: "Interesting ah."

Ishmael: "Enough, scolding the child, come on."

Fenwarin: "Morana, leave them alone."

Morana: "I'm just saying, as researchers, go she wouldn't end up at a prestigious university."

Fenwarin: "No, no that's true let's just leave them alone."

GM: "But I am from a prestigious university."

Ishmael: "Which one is that?"

GM: "The Magnimarian Academy."

Ishmael: "Right yeah, cool yup." [Laughs].

Morana: "I'm going to have to see about their standards." 

Loyal: Oh boy.

Morana: Morana just keeps muttering roasts about this person to herself as she keeps walking. "So how the fuck did she not, really? Just...[Mutters]?"

GM: OK, you walk into the next room, which is a large table surrounded by chairs that fills much of the room, a slate board to the north is covered with scribblings in chalk, but the maps of Sandpoint that have been carefully inscribed on it leaves no doubt as to the purpose of this room. It is doubtless that this is where the recent raids were planned.

Ishmael: Like a war room yeah.

Taury: It's a war room.

Morana: Ah, yeah OK, I'd like to point out that Morana does grab the dog head as she walks by. "You never know, I might need it later."

Loyal: "There are two more of those things."

Ishmael: All right, so I guess, "So right door or left door lady?"

GM: Are you hollering back at Lyrie?

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah like well, not hollering, but yeah, like saying it loud enough for the woman, the archeologist lady to give me an answer.

GM: "Well where do you want to go?"

Ishmael: "Where everybody else is." 

Loyal: "Out."

Ishmael: "Yes."

GM: "Well, if you want to go up, take the door to the left. Though, if you take the door to the right, you'll eventually find another way up and there are more people that way."

Morana: "So what we're learning here is, you're about as helpful with giving directions as you are good at locating door mechanisms?"

Loyal: "Oh boy."

Fenwarin: "And doing research yeah."

Morana: "Yes, that too."

GM: "Why are you so mean to me?"

Morana: "Ishmael, let's just pick a door."

Ishmael: "I'm just gonna go through this one I guess. She said right, takes you to everybody else right?"

Loyal: "I'd like to concur to that, you guys are being pretty rude."

GM: Give me a sense motive.

Ishmael: 17.

Loyal: Nice, nice. [Laughs]

Ishmael: Too busy just being mean.

Taury: That fits because she's upset as fuck.

GM: That nat 1 fits for Morana, yeah.

Loyal: Fuck! [Laughs] 

Taury: Wow, we all suck.

GM: Everyone that got over a 5 can tell that she's extremely affected by Morana's gibes, those that got above a 10 can see that she's starting to like, get a little misty about it, it's really affecting her. Those that got above a 15 can tell that she's got self-esteem issues. 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Aaah!

Fenwarin: Oh!

Morana: Why didn't I figure this out, Come on dice! Dice you fucked me!

Loyal: Ah ah.

Taury: Great.

GM: And Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: You know that not only does she have self-esteem issues, but she has always seemed to have had poor self-image. And this is just more stuff on top of a lifetime of this type of treatment.

Loyal: [Laughs] Oh.

Fenwarin: Wow. 

Ishmael: Like Ishmael will look back to Morana and just go "Apologize to her."

Loyal: God damn it.

Morana: "Apologize to the one that's been working with demons?"

Loyal: "She didn't know that."

Ishmael: "Right, yes like".

Morana: "She saw, I'm sure she saw Nualia's arm."

Loyal: "Nualia wasn't a demon yet, I don't think."

Morana: "She was in league with them, that should have been obvious."

Fenwarin: We just showed up like a train of bullies just going past her.

GM: [Imitating the group] 'Here's your boss's head! Ha,ha! You suck! Which door do I take?' 

All: [Laugh]

Fenwarin: 'Good directions, dumb ass!'

GM: [Laughs]. 

Morana: "Fine, fine." Morana leans back through the door. "I'm sorry, make better decisions!" and leaves.

Ishmael: Ooh.

Taury: Ooh.

Ishmael: Oh my God.

GM: And that is the point she openly starts crying. 

Loyal: Oh God!

Taury: Oh my God.

Ishmael: Ooh.

Taury: Ooh.

Ishmael: "Do you see what you did? Do you see what you did now?"

Morana: Morana just stares at her.

GM: Her cat is like pawing at her arm and meowing, trying to comfort her.

Loyal: Aw.

Taury: The cat knew, the cat knew, the cat knew you were a dickhead.

Loyal: [Laughs].

Markus: And yeah, Markus is going to try and reach out and put a hand on her shoulder.

GM: She slaps your hand away, "Don't touch!"

Taury: Welp.

Markus: "I'm sorry."

Morana: "We'll be back to deal with this I guess, like we got goblin's deal with right? Where the goblins at?" 

Markus: "Go! Stop making it worse."

Taury: Yeah.

Ishmael: All right. 

Loyal: Leave.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Ishmael: Just go to there.

Morana: Morana rolls their eyes and points through the door, "Go!"

Ishmael: Right. She said right to everybody else, Right yeah fuck it.

GM: You're just barging through rooms, let me read descriptions man.

Taury: Yes.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Kicks open door. "Ah no, not here."

Loyal: "'Sup fuckers!"

All: [Laugh]

Taury: He's a lot livelier now he's not in a pit.

All: [Laugh]

Ishmael: Yeah it's just it's been a day, it's been two actually, but yes.

GM: All right, so this room right here.

Ishmael: Yes.

GM: The lower four feet of the wall is empty, but it's also covered with crude drawings done in mud, blood and what various paints seem to have been found. Most of the drawings show goblins engaged in some sort of violence against humans, horses or dogs. One picture on the north wall is at least three times the size and complexity of the other scrawlings, this image shows Thistletop from the side and the goblin stockade perched atop it like a crown. A cave has been drawn into the center of the image, and looming inside is what appears to be an immense, muscular goblin with snake like eyes and a dog slicer in each taloned hand.

Fenwarin: Oh my God.

GM: If the scale compared to the rest of the drawing is to be believed, this goblin must be at least 35 feet tall.

Loyal: Oh.

GM: You can instantly tell because of it's placement that this is their depiction of Malfeshnekor.

Loyal: [Laughs] Yes.

Ishmael: Awesome.

Loyal: We killed their god.

Ishmael: We did kill their god yes.

Taury: Get wrecked nerds.

GM: Was anyone looking at anything back here in the war room? Since you just run through that too? 

Loyal: Ah, I probably would have, are there are there like maps and shit?

GM: Yes,! There's all sorts of stuff.

Loyal: OK yeah.

Taury: Well yeah, Taury would have been looking at it while they were bitching.

Loyal: Yeah if so, I'm going to scoop up the maps, since we seem to be in a hurry to get out of here and must just scoop them up for look sees later.

Fenwarin: Yoink!

GM: OK, we can go over that later if you ever actually go through it.

Taury: Ha ha, I stole your shit!

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Ishmael: All your shit belongs to us now, just.

GM: Bullies, just a lot of you, what are you doing?

Taury: That's what happens, the bullied becomes the bully. [Laughs]

Ishmael: I peek my head in here, I guess.

GM: All right, two large stone doors sit in the western wall here, their faces carved with images of horrific, deformed monsters clawing their way out of a pregnant woman.

Ishmael: Awesome. That's a - I, yeah, yep.

Taury: Yup.

Ishmael: That's not the place, I don't think, it looks like some kind of temple. Is nobody else in there?

GM: Oh, that's just the doors, are you opening the doors?

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah I peek in, I peek my head in, yeah.

GM: Give me a stealth roll.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Ishmael: All right, um... Yeah. 

Taury: Oh boy.

Fenwarin: Oh no.

Taury: We woke up the puppy.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: The puppies.

Fenwarin: Oh no, it's the other two. Oh.

Taury: Oh fucking monkas. At least we know there are only two of them right?

Ishmael: OK, do the doors open inward or outward?

GM: Outwards towards you.

Ishmael: I look at Taury and-

Loyal: Bar the doors!  

Ishmael: Yeah in front of the door now, "Hold close."

GM: Lets see... The split second that you do get to see in you see stone fonts containing frothy dark waters set to the north and south of this eastern entrance of the room. And twin banks of stone pillars run the length of a long chamber, and then you shut the door again.

Ishmael: Cool is there like handles or do they just- I try and tie the handles of the door so that they can't open?

GM: OK.

Morana: As Morana is walking through these rooms and she's seeing all these carvings on the wall and all this crazy shit with mutated goblins and things like that, and she's looking at it and she's like, "and this place has been full of goblins that have been attacking Sandpoint, and she thinks she's just doing research? Are you ki-? What kind of-?" Like no, she is not letting this go."

Ishmael: All right, I enter this room.

GM: OK. A single lantern hangs from a hook on the wall next to where the stairs enter this room from the north. Several rickety doors open into this room and a few discarded dog pelts used as rugs lie forgotten in the northeastern corner. 

Loyal: Oh. 

Ishmael: Cool.

Taury: I'm so sad, every time it comes up, every time I hate them, goblins suck.

Ishmael: "Well, I guess we go up?"

Taury: Yeah, that's the upward stairs right?

Ishmael: Yup. God, I hope so.

Taury: If it's down, good Lord.

Ishmael: [Laughs]

GM: Really? So you're just going up?

Taury: Well, why the fuck not?

Ishmael: I mean OK, I guess we check every room GM, there you are.

GM: No you don't have to I'm just, I'm just making sure.

Loyal: We want to be done with this place.

Ishmael: Yeah, yeah like.

Taury: Literally over it, a 100 percent over it.

Loyal: Yeah.

Ishmael: Like we would like to diffuse the goblin situation or deal with the other guy.

Morana: And clear the place out once we're sure it's safe.

Ishmael: It's never safe.

Morana: We need to see if there's more people for Morana to berate. 

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: And bully.

Fenwarin: More stupid researchers. 

Morana: To berate, not bully!

Morana: There's a difference!

Taury: I don't know, I think that was both. [Laughs]

Morana: Morana didn't say a single thing that wasn't true.

Taury: Like it was berating until she started crying and then you were bullying her.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Morana: I said I was sorry.

Taury: That's, that's still bullying though.

Loyal: Bullying is bullying.

Taury: 100 percent.

Morana: Ah tell it to someone who cares.

GM: Did we lose a Markus?

Taury: No, he's still holding the lady's hand.

GM: Is he?

Ishmael: Check your DM's Furtive, please.

GM: Yeah, OK yeah, he actually is still trying to calm her down.

Loyal: [Laughs] Oh, my God, we walk away, "Where the fuck's Markus?"

Ishmael: "Nah we'll get Him later, I guess?"

GM: All right, here you are.

Ishmael: Ah shit I guess, stumble out in here I guess right? Does the door lock?

GM: I need to scroll a bit.

Ishmael: Hmm.

GM: Because you're just plowing through this place.

Taury: But the rooms are empty Furtive, they're empty.

GM: The ones you've actually gone into amazingly, yes.

Markus: But filled with details and relevant descriptions and information.

Taury: Yeah but that's why Markus is hanging back, that's why you're hanging back, that's what you're doing.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: You're scouting.

GM: Markus gets the story everyone else gets to the combat ha?

Ishmael: Well I mean, well right now we're here to deal with the goblins threat Right?

Loyal: I think all want to be done with this place. 

Ishmael: Yeah.

Loyal: We're all very done with this place, we want to leave.

Ishmael: I got trapped in a trap.

Morana: I would rather get the story after we're sure we're not going to have a horde of goblins stumble into us, if we're going to get into fights, I'd like to do it on our terms.

Taury: Ah ha.

GM: OK.

Ishmael: Yup.

GM: Taury you open this door and see just off to your right, the floor of this room is hard packed soil, as if the builders either ran out of lumber after building the walls and roof or as if they simply never thought about building a floor in the first place. A number of poorly preserved horse and dog heads are mounted along the eastern wall. Along the southern wall hangs a pair of large black feathered wings tacked to the wall with daggers.

Ishmael: Hmm.

Taury: God I hate goblins.

Fenwarin: Yeah, damn damn goblins. 

Morana: Would it be knowledge nature to identify those wings?

GM: Yeah. Morana, you identify these as the wings of a harpy.

Morana: Well, that hmm, that seems like it would be unusual that goblin's would be going after Harpys wouldn't it? Are they naturally opposed to each other or? Well, we always hear about them killing dogs and horses and things like that but that's usually you know dogs, horses, that's all related to humans that they hate. So, I mean, Harpys, why would-? Hmm.

GM: That's a good question. There are seven daggers used to tack these wings to the wall. One of them looks especially exquisite as it has a pearl-esque handle.

Morana: I'm gonna take a closer look at that dagger.

GM: OK.

Morana: Nothing inscribed in it or?

GM: Nope, it just has a pearl handle.

Morana: OK are harpies common in this area? That's probably knowledge local, isn't it?

GM: Knowledge local. They're not unheard of, but they tend to be more out towards the Storval Plateau, which is to the east, not on the coast, but, maybe where there's mountains yeah, this isn't where there's mountains. And that's where we'll end this session. 

Ishmael: OK. 

Loyal: Alrighty.

Fenwarin: Oh man.

That's all the time we have for now. To learn more about the show, the cast, etc. head over to http://wayward-expeditions.com/