Wayward Expeditions - Rise of the Runelords - Episode 18
Intro: For much of written history world events followed chartered routes. Oracles and seers mapped out the future in the stars above and their prophecies always gave a reliable view of the ages to come. Until a god died a century ago. No one saw that coming. And now the old prophecies are failing, oracles go mad and seers desperately tried to account for the loss of the future. While some cry out that the world is at an end, they've been doing so for a hundred years now and the world is still here, it's just unclear where things are going. The future of Golarian is open, ready to receive the triumphs and failures of a new generation of heroes. Welcome to Rise of the Runelords!

GM: We left off last session with you guys in this ancient place, you're not quite sure what it is at the moment, you would have been overhearing some goblins, you heard mention that makes you think there's a dragon here and you are currently all around a magic well, that most of you have taken a drink from.

Taury: I forgot about the poison we drank.

Loyal: Pretty good for Fenwarin.

Taury: The only one it was good for.

Fenwarin: Yeah [laughs].

GM: There are runes written around this magic well, none of you attempted to read them.

Loyal: I don't think we knew they were there.

Taury: We didn't know.

Fenwarin: Well, I didn't know.

Taury: Yeah, we didn't know they were there.

GM: It was in the description.

Fenwarin: Oops.

Taury: Well look, we were busy drinking ok, so.

Loyal: Woops [laughs].

Fenwarin: Woops! [Laughs]

GM: I will read the description again for you: The room is bathed in a shimmering golden radiance like sunlight reflecting off the ocean. The light emanates from a rune covered fountain in the center of the room, faint talking voices can be heard.

Fenwarin: Completely missed that rune thing yeah.

Taury: Oh yeah I did too. 

Loyal: I definitely missed it. 

Taury: But that's because he did say "Look at the water, look at the water!" So, I mean, my mistake, if we forgot to read what was around the water.

Fenwarin: And then we looked at the water and then we drank the water.

Taury: Yeah.

Morana: I may have taken a moment to read it, but everybody was like "Ooh, drinky poo!"

All: [Laugh] 

Taury: Alright listen, it's not a problem, I can stop anytime I want.

Fenwarin: Oh my god.

Morana: Fucken ran in there like Jim Lee.

GM: So is someone going to read the runes now? Or are you-?

Morana: I mean, I can. Well, should I try to identify them, linguistics maybe?

Taury: Well can we read the runes?

GM: It will be a knowledge religion check.

Taury: Ooh, can I do one too?

Loyal: Do I? I don't think I'm good at this... Ooh. I'm not awful but you know.

Taury: I also don't think I'm good at this but, you know.

Fenwarin: I'm going to check if I'm even good at it.

Loyal: Oof!

Morana: Mmm the dice is starting tasty.

Taury: Oh, look at that. Look at that roll I'm gonna die.

Loyal: Yeah fuck.

Taury: Oh, wow! 7, 8, 9. Jesus. The 15's alright.

Fenwarin: I thought that was one of those things I was trained in, but nope.

GM: Alright Fenwarin, after taking a sip, you then read the runes.

Fenwarin: Yeah, that's smart.

GM: Yeah, and you realize that they're an instruction about this magic well, that this is actually a shrine to Desna.

Fenwarin: Oh.

GM: And that anyone who offers a gold piece to the well as like a wishing well, will receive Desna's blessing and then may drink from the well. 

Loyal: Would've been good to know before we drank from it! [laughs].

Taury: You couldn't have just said that beforehand, I feel like this is going to be another session where Fenwarin knows everything but waits until after something has already happened to go, "Oh, I read something about that once."

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Hey, don't sass me.

GM: And as a reminder for the, the geography of this room, you've got an exit tunnel where you're hearing voices echo from. There's the way that you entered and there is another door over here.

Loyal: Oh, it's a door over there. I didn't know there was a door there.

Taury: Oh, I didn't know there door door there.

Fenwarin: Oh ok.

GM: Yes, off to the east there's a door.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Markus: Ok yeah, we literally can't see that on the map.

GM: That's why I was pointing it out.

Loyal: Good.

Taury: That's where he lures us to our doom.

Fenwarin: By the way, Fenwarin has no hesitation at this point after reading that and tosses a gold coin into the well.

GM: Alright.

Fenwarin: And can I drink again?

GM: You can.

Taury: Watch him lose all the benefits he just got.

Loyal: Penalties.

Taury: Yeah, he just drops dead and we're like, well shit.

Fenwarin: You just hear a voice, "Nah ah, ah, not again."

Loyal: You didn't say the magic word.

Fenwarin: Yes, exactly.

All: [laugh]

GM: Alright, you drink from the fountain. It is as cool and as fresh as you remember from your first sip, but you don't feel that magical warmth this time.

Loyal: F.

Fenwarin: "Well that tasted good, but it didn't feel like the same as before, but still feels good."

Loyal: "Alright, so do we plan to deal with the creatures in that other room or are we going this way?" And he kind of nods at the door.

Taury: What does the door look like?

GM: It's a wooden door, oh sorry, it is a stone door, not wooden.

Taury: It's just normal, nothing fancy on it. And no symbols on it?

Morana: "I mean, don't, don't let me stand in your way."

Loyal: "So creatures or door, what's our plan?"

Taury: Taury is going to walk over and try and listen behind the door, see if there's anything, any sounds behind it, any movement.

GM: Alright, give me a perception check.

Taury: Sweet... Followed by the roar of a dragon.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Oh hell yeah son.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: 24, I'll take that.

GM: Alright, all you can hear is the gurgling of the fountain and the chittering of the goblins, you don't hear anything through this door.

Taury: Oh, I don't like that. Part of me wanted to hear something. Taury is going to look around the rest of the group and might go towards like, pushing it open.

Markus: "The goblins seem to be occupied for now, but that might change but, yeah sure."

Loyal: "We can deal with them later."

Taury: She nods and opens door, attempting to do it quietly I should add.

GM: The door silently swings open to reveal a chamber bathed in red light. On the east side of the room a pair of stone statues stand on either side of a dusty altar that is inscribed with runes. Atop the altar sits a large red gemstone. The creepy red light comes from this gemstone.

Taury: Sorry, the creepy red light? 

Loyal: Creepy red, a shade of red.

Taury: I don't like that.

Fenwarin: I guess that would look creepy in a room just completely bathed in red light.

Loyal: "Well, looks like a trap, if anything." 

Fenwarin: "Ah hah."

Loyal: Does Taury look like she's planning to, like, go in?

Taury: She's looking to you when you've said it's a trap, she's kind of looking at you like "And you're going to do something about that?" kind of thing.

Loyal: I'm going to step just into the room so I can get a better look and I want to look around to see if I noticed any specific traps like mechanism's, excetera.

GM: Give me a perception roll.

Loyal: Hmm.

Taury: Oh god, of all times, to roll a crit 1! 

Fenwarin: Jeez.

Loyal: But I normally roll very well on perception, not today! [laughs]

Taury: Oh boy.

GM: Alright, as you kind of lean in and look around the room, the only thing you notice is that this rectangular room has these two statues and this dusty altar with this gemstone on the top. There's runes carved all over the place, and there's a door to the south right here.

Loyal: Step 5 more feet in. And I'm thinking, "Ah, it's probably..." I kind of look back at everyone, "It's probably trapped once you take the gem I'd imagine yeah?"

Morana: "Maybe see if we can identify the runes first?"

Loyal: "Oh yes, runes." Where are the runes that you talked about?

Taury: They're on the statues, aren't they?

Loyal: On the statues.

Fenwarin: And the altar?

Morana: It came across like they were just everywhere.

Taury: Hmm, hmm.

Loyal: Yeah ok.

GM: Yeah the runes specifically that you're wanting to read are inscribed along the altar.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: You gonna roll, gonna roll religion assume?

Loyal: Do we have to get closer to take a look at them or something?

GM: No, as you step into the room. The two statues both simultaneously boom, with a loud voice.

Taury: Of course they do. 

Loyal: Oh ok.

GM: "Approach with humility and live."

Loyal: "Well then, seems like a ah, well it seems like our answer there I guess." How loud was that? Was that loud enough to trigger the, probably for the goblins to hear?

GM: Perception check.

Taury: Oh god, don't give him ideas.

Loyal: But he said it was a loud booming voice, so I'm like yeah, it would make sense, I want to know.

Taury: You hear the pitter patter of goblin feet and your imminent death.

GM: While it is very loud and booming in this room and echoes about here, you believe that the line of people behind you has absorbed the sound enough, and the fountain behind you is gurgling enough to mask that sound.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Yay for teamwork!

Loyal: [Laughs]

Fenwarin: [Laughs] We're just cushioning the sound waves.

Taury: Yeah, Taury's just holding out her arms, like trying to absorb the sound.

Loyal: No, you will not pass sound.

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: "Anyways, well let's try this humility thing." and I'll kind of like bow down essentially and approach slowly.

Markus: "Runes first?"

Loyal: "Trying to get a closer look at them." Does anything happen as I approach?

GM: How are you approaching?

Loyal: Like essentially bowing down, like head down.

Taury: 'Humilitisly'.

Loyal: Yeah, he, that.

Taury: That's not a word mate.

Loyal: You know what I mean.

Taury: But it works! 

Loyal: Approaching with humility yeah, like bowing down, essentially keeping my head down.

GM: Alright, and you're just moving forward 5 feet.

Loyal: Yes.

GM: Alright, nothing seems to happen.

Loyal: Ok. Now that I'm a bit closer, I want to see if I can take a look at these runes and identify them.

GM: They are Thassilonian.

Loyal: "Ah Markus, this might be more of your expertize." And I'll step back. "They're written in Thassilonian."

Markus: "Ah, interesting."

Loyal: "Meanwhile, I want to take a look at the southern door, if there's anything off about it." 

GM: Alright.

Taury: Oh, you just disappeared off the map and I was like what the hell?! Door. Then I was like, Oh, right darkness.

Loyal: Gone, forgotten.

GM: It is also a stone door, very similar to the one that you just came through.

Taury: Taury's just standing like in the doorway, she hasn't like, entered the room. She's watching Loyal.

Markus: Are you blocking the way or could Markus actually-?

Taury: Nah she'd be up against the wall, like at the corner of the doorway.

Markus: Ok, can Markus read the Thassilonian from where he is or does he need to be closer?

GM: Perception check... Alright, you read the same message that the voices spoke out, "Approach with humility and live." Reading further you read "The energy heart is for those who respect the waves of fire."

Loyal: Energy, heart huh?

Taury: Yes, it's cool right?

Loyal: That's a, that's a cool name.

GM: "Can withstand the melting acids."

Taury: I love how something really beautiful is followed up by something terrifying.

Loyal: [Laughs] Yeah! Melting acids.

GM: "And can endure the flows of electricity."

Taury: Oh, that's fun.

Markus: "Ok, so I'm thinking elemental theme trap's based on if we try to get that thing, so maybe not?"

Loyal: "Yeah, probably."

Markus: "Hmm yeah, it's talking about waves of fire, electricity, acid. So yes, um, perhaps avoiding the big shiny gem might be a good idea."

Loyal: But it's a big shiny gem of course. No.

GM: Speaking of big shiny gems,  would you like to roll an appraisal check on the big shiny gem?

Loyal: Sure why not?

Taury: Oh, don't you dare tease like that.

Loyal: It's a 12. I'm just finding out, I'm just wondering, I'm curious.

Taury: It's worth one million dollars.

GM: Alright.

Loyal: But it explodes when you touch it.

GM: This is a large, flawless ruby.

Loyal: Ooh.

Taury: Of course it is.

Loyal: "That gem looks pretty valuable in general." And with that, he's going to kind of step up to the statue and take a look at it.

GM: Alright, perception check.

Fenwarin: Uh oh.

Loyal: 19.

GM: 19, you say?

Fenwarin: Oh! Uh oh! [laughs].

Taury: You know, all I'm thinking is, you know, you know who likes really expensive shiny things? Dragons. That's who like really shiny expensive things.

Loyal: I mean, bribery?

Taury: Oh, but it's gonna know that it's there.

Loyal: Oh well.

GM: I'm going to copy and paste this image into the discord for you.

Loyal: Oh shit.

Taury: Oh, for fuck's sake.

Loyal: Nice, cool.

GM: We'll put that into the art channel.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] 

Loyal: Alright.

Taury: That looks like a goblin.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: And you do not believe that it is trapped.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: You don't believe it's trapped?

Loyal: Can't be.

Morana: While they're doing all this silliness, Morana is going to lean in and take a look through the doorway and use a detect magic to look around the room.

GM: Alright, as you start looking around with detect magic, you are instantly aware that both statues and the ruby are all magical.

Morana: A knowledge arcana to try and figure out with what maybe?

GM: Hmm, sure.

Morana: Man! These dice today.

GM: Hmm, you are not sure what magics are on this ruby, but you do identify burning hands on both statues.

Loyal: Nice. Seems like fun.

Morana: "Ok, so the statues are going to try and light you on fire if you do the wrong thing."

Loyal: "Ok well, it seemed approaching earlier was ok, when I approached. Do we want to try and get this gem?"

Morana: "It's magic, but I don't know with what."

Loyal: "Well I guess there's only one way to find out."

Morana: Morana leans back out of the doorway and puts her fingers in her ears.

Loyal: That's fair. Alright, let's do this shit!

Taury: Classic Morana!

Fenwarin: Oh, man!

Loyal: I'm going same way I approached the last time, like bowing down with humility... 'Eh.'

Taury: Does he also make that noise?

Fenwarin: [Laughs] The sound effect yeah.

Loyal: 'Eh eh.'

GM: As you step within 5 feet of the altar, both statues unleash a wave of burning hands.

Loyal: Ah.

GM: And I need you to give me a reflex save.

Taury: Oh, boy.

Loyal: Boy.

Fenwarin: Oh shit!

Loyal: My dex is going to be 1 less than normal 'cuase my dex is fucked right now.

Taury: I was going to say it's lucky it's not me. I have no reflex right now because I got those two -2's.

Loyal: It's not the correct way to approach [laughs]. Probably should have gone lower, crawled. That is a 12 on the reflex save.

GM: A 12 is a success. 

Fenwarin: Good.

GM: So you will be taking half damage.

Loyal: Cool.

GM: -Of, double checking that this is only one and I have to roll it twice, or if it's considered 1 damage roll for the whole trap.

Taury: Oh, I don't like that.

Loyal: Yeah because there's two statues both doing a thing.

GM: Right.

Taury: Er er, half damage on both of them probably still enough to kill you! [laughs]

GM: Alright yes, I roll for both because you are in an overlap area.

Loyal: Fun! Nice.

Taury: Oh ho ho!

All: [laugh]

GM: So you are hit with both.

Fenwarin: Ouch!

Loyal: Nice!

GM: It's the same save regardless. So one save will save for both.

Loyal: Ok cool, I'll take it.

Taury: Oh that's fair.

Loyal: I'll take it.

GM: But I will roll twice the amount of damage.

Taury: Oh, my god.

Loyal: Nice, nice this is fire so I'm ok with half that. 

GM: So you will take half that. 

Fenwarin: Oh.

Loyal: Ok cool so I take 8, I have fire-resistant 5, so I take 3, yeah?

GM: Yes.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Loyal: And getting hit by that, I'll just quickly grab the gem and fucking jump back.

Taury: Yeah, Indiana Jonesing the shit out of it!

Markus: No, O, K, yeah.

Loyal: "Ah! Well I did it!"

Markus: No.

GM: You realize with how you were positioned, had you been kneeling or crawling, it would have gone above you, merely bowing at the hip was not low enough.

Loyal: Ah should have crawled yeah.

Fenwarin: Wow it definitely was an Indiana Jones thing.

Loyal: It was intense.

Taury: Yeah, yeah.

Loyal: But I grabbed the gem yeah?

GM: You do.

Morana: I was kind of figuring at that, that's why I didn't say anything with that until he was already moving.

Loyal: Part of his sleeve is on fire, he kind can of knocks it out. "That stung a bit."

Fenwarin: "Yeah that looked pretty horrible, but you seem to be fine."

Loyal: "It wasn't the worst. I was expecting something, so I managed to jump out of the way at least, so I have the gem." I just gonna hold it up.

Markus: "Well."

GM: As you hold it up, you notice it's got a thick viscus dark red fluid emanating from it, as if it's oozing this substance or maybe 'bleeding' would be a better word.

Taury: Oh, I don't like that.

Loyal: I don't like that at all.

Taury: I didn't like you and you said ooze, I like it even less when you said bleeding.

GM: And the ruby looks like such.

Loyal: Ooh, it's bleeding now.

Taury: Can Taury like, investigate this, like she's like having a good look at it, while he's holding it?

Loyal: "Hmm, I don't think I've ever seen a gem bleed but uh."

Markus: "Well, the writing talked about fire, but it also talked about acid and lightning, so?"

Loyal: When you say that, I just kind of like put it down on the ground, "I'll leave it there for now."

Markus: "That might actually be sensible, yes."

Taury: "Why bother taking it if you going to just leave it where you took it from?"

Loyal: "Well, it's off of the trapped pedestal now, so."

Markus: "Maybe we can identify what it is and why it appears to be... leaking."

Loyal: "Not a bad idea. I don't have those capabilities, but."

Morana: "That seems kind of a unique trait for a gem."

Taury: "Melting, perhaps?"

Morana: Are there any kind of - well probably not history- that would probably be another religion to try and see if there's some kind of story about a gem like this or?

GM: Maybe. You do notice that it has stopped glowing.

Markus: When did it stop? Did it stop when it was picked up or when it was put down?

GM: When it was removed from the altar it began to fade and is now no longer glowing.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: I presume the pedestal looks virtually the same?

Markus: Ok.

Morana: Does it still ping as magic, even though it's faded?

GM: Yes. 

Markus: So is there anyway we can try and identify this and work out what it would be?

GM: Yes.

Markus: A knowledge roll of some sort I'm assuming? 

Loyal: Yeah, I'll try a religion.

GM: Alright. 21. Alright, you notice now that it is no longer glowing, that this liquid is also crystallized on the surface, it doesn't seem to be bleeding freely any longer. You're not sure what this item is, but you have a feeling it might be some sort of minor artifact.

Morana: Now, the altar didn't ping at all when I looked at it, right?

GM: Correct. 

Morana: Now that the ruby has been removed, do the statues still look active or have they seemed to fade?

GM: They are still magical.

Taury: Would a spellcraft check be any helpful to figuring out what it is? 

GM: Yes. 

Taury: Gonna do one of those.

GM: Alright. You're not sure exactly what's going on with this gem, but it seems to have energy resistant properties. You're not sure what energies or how much.

Loyal: I'll probably take a look at it as well see what I can do. Eh, slightly better.

GM: Same information.

Loyal: Ok.

Markus: Are people sharing this?

Loyal: Ah Loyal probably is yeah.

Taury: Yeah, I'd say Taury's probably just talking to herself out loud about it.

Morana: Morana will also try and see if she can identify the energies.

Loyal: Pretty good.

Taury: Nice.

Loyal: That's pretty good.

GM: Alright. Morana, you are aware that this gem, while carried, will once per day, allow the carrier of the gem to ignore as it will absorb the first 10 points of acid, cold, electricity or fire damage.

Loyal: Oh, nice!

Taury: Oh, that's so nice.

Loyal: That's dope, especially because, you know, acid and black fang.

Taury: And you know, dragon yeah.

Loyal: Yeah, called black fang.

Taury: Fire and shit.

Loyal: Well black dragon usually means acid.

Taury: Oh man.

Morana: Morana will relay that information and say, "Whoever is taking the lead will probably want to be carrying this in case anything unfortunate were to happen."

Loyal: I look at Taury "You want it?"

Fenwarin: Yeah, Fenwarin does the same.

Taury: "Well, if I must." and she picks it up and pockets it in like her chest pocket.

Loyal: "Alright well, this is dealt with, the door to the south?"

Taury: Are there other doors in this room or is that the only one? The one to the south?

Loyal: I think it's just the one of the south.

Taury: Is it, because I haven't stepped into the room, so I can't see.

Fenwarin: Can I just check so that the goblins haven't noticed us?

Taury: That's probably a good call.

GM: Roll perception.

Fenwarin: Ok.

GM: It seems like they're too engrossed in their own conversation.

Fenwarin: Ok good.

GM: Also, Morana, as you entered the room, these statues once again uttered the warning.

Morana: Morana mutters under her breath, "Don't worry I'm not coming any closer to you.”

Taury: Yeah, Taury's gonna step in and like keep pretty close to the wall on the left and follow Loyal.

GM: As you enter the room, the statues utter their warning.

Loyal: "Ah, they gonna say that every time one of us walks in? Anyways there's a door down here."

Taury: It's not beside the statue right, it's just here?

Loyal: Yeah, I think it's just a little right below you.

Taury: Good. I'm going to do another perception check to try and listen inside the door, yeah.

GM: Alright, you don't hear anything through this door either.

Taury: Opens the door pretty quietly.

GM: Ok. Thick webs hang from the corners and ceiling of this room, dozens of tiny spiders crawl about on the webs, but they're far too small to be the source of these large webs.

Loyal: Hmm.

Fenwarin: Oh fun.

Loyal: Giant spiders.

Taury: Umm, they prefer to be called 'big boned spiders'.

Loyal: They don't have bones.

Fenwarin: Naturally.

Loyal: [Laughs] Spiders don't have bones.

Taury: Yeah look, they can identify how ever they want alright? [Laughs]

Loyal: Oh, my god.

Taury: Can Taury try and like identify where the webs like, lead to? Or where there most likely to be the source of the webs as she steps in?

GM: Move yourself into the room a little so you can see.

Taury: Yup, yup I did that as I said it.

GM: Yeah. The entire back wall all the way along looks to be covered in webs, as well as some spots over on this side.

Taury: Ok, but other than that, it's just small, teeny weeny spiders?

GM: Yeah.

Taury: That's great. I figure no spiders we're fine.

Loyal: [Laughs] Ok.

Taury: Famous last words!

Loyal: I'll step in one and take a look around the room.

GM: Ok.

Taury: And there's nothing else pretty remarkable about this room other than just the webs and spiders?

GM: Just the webs.

Loyal: Should I make a perception check when I'm looking around?

Taury: It's the same thing I was thinking. See, on the map there are bones, are there actual bones in the room?

GM: Yes.

Taury: Alright, see you didn't mention that before! 

All: [Laugh] 

Taury: Yeah, no I'm doing that perception check to see if there's anything noticeable in this room.

Fenwarin: Just watch, they're in the ceiling and dropping down on you.

Loyal: Yeah. I'll probably do the same.

Taury: Yeah... A 16, I'll take it. 

Fenwarin: Woah! [Laughs]

Loyal: God! Again! [Laughs] The second natural 1 on perception, my two perception checks this session. 

Taury: And it was, they were both 9 though right? As well. Yeah they were both 9.

Loyal: Yeah because I rolled natural 1's on both of those.

GM: Alright, Taury you notice the webs moving ever so slightly in this square, as if there's some sort of weight put on them.

Taury: [Laughs] I'm sorry what?!

Loyal: Weight?

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Like as if something not visible is leaning on it?

GM: Ah ha. 

Loyal: What? 

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Ok.

GM: Throughout the rest of the webs that you are distracted from really paying attention to what's going on where you're seeing this depression of the webs, because you're noticing now that you're really taking a look at it, thousands of little spiders all over the place.

Loyal: Oh god!

Taury: That's fine, I'm not concerned about the little spiders.

Markus: You sure about that?

Taury: Ah ha, I'm concerned about whatever this thing is that's causing a depression on the fucking webs.

Loyal: Swarms of spiders though.

Taury: Yeah, but they're tiny, it's fine.

Markus: No no.

Loyal: Thousands of tiny spiders are still dangerous.

Taury: Look, penny spiders are lucky alright? Um can I like investigate what's like causing that, that thing on the web?

GM: Sure.

Taury: What another perception check or?

GM: Well you're going to have to move closer.

Taury: No, don't say that! Why would you say that?

Fenwarin: [Laughs] 

Loyal: [Laughs] Markus & I have got a very similar gif in.

Fenwarin: Why don't you walk a little closer?

Taury: Yeah, said the spider as it fucking ate you.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Ok well, I'm going to walk the way where there are less tiny spiders. Attempting to be stealthy... as stealthy as Taury can possibly be which is not very stealthy.

GM: Give me another perception check.

Taury: Oh god.

Fenwarin: Oh my god.

Taury: What a time to roll a 9! When it really mattered.

Loyal: Oh man!

Markus: Would it really matter? Hmm, yes.

Taury: Look, I'll take what I can get.

GM: Alright Taury, as you're looking intently trying to see what's going on here through the webs, you can't discern anything at all but that preternatural sense of danger, like the hair is rising on the back of your neck. Yeah, that's that's going on.

Loyal: Spidey senses tingling.

Taury: Oh god. See, the thing is, I'm like ah, I stab at the thing in the air right?

Loyal: Attack the webs yeah. [Laughs]

Taury: But also the other thing is, well, what about all these little spiders? They all are gonna be like "Oh no, you're attacking mama!" So I'm not going to do that. Oh I don't like that.

Fenwarin: What if it's mama and papa?

Taury: I think that would just make it a family party wouldn't it? Can I do like a survival check to like see if I've ever encountered anything like this before, and like what the best scenario to this is?

GM: Sure.

Taury: Yeah like you know, listen, I'm grasping. Oh, God, that crit fail though.

Loyal: Wow! [laughs]

Markus: The other thing that springs to mind is potentially relevant would be knowledge nature.

Taury: Yeah, I was about to say it's like.

Taury: Oh yeah but I don't have that.

Loyal: I have that, is there anything like, unnatural about this room or something that would pop out and stare at me like, it's this breed of spider or something?

GM: Roll me a knowledge nature.

Loyal: There we go, something decent at least.

GM: Everything looks like normal spider webbing, normal spiders, and you know that spiders are really good at hiding in their webs. These thick webs, you're almost positive, are from a giant spider.

Loyal: Ok, ok. "Taury you might want to step back, spiders are ambush predators yeah, and so being close to the web might not be a great idea. Could be one in there for all we know."

Taury: She just nods at you and walks around it to the other side of the room, staring at it pretty much the entire time.

Loyal: I'm doing the same, we shuffle our way across the room [laughs].

Taury: I'm just saying I don't like the silence from Furtive, I don't like this at all and no one else in this fucking room either [laughs].

GM: Alright Loyal, as you step in that specific square.

Loyal: Oh boy, there was another one, it's like velociraptors!

Taury: Yeah, but you stepped where the web was man!

GM: I need you to roll me a strength check.

Taury: Oh, he's going to get stuck in a fucking web!

GM: As you're walking through these webs along that wall.

Taury: Oh boy.

Loyal: Strength is not my forte.

Taury: No shit, no fucking shit!

Loyal: It's an 8.

GM: Yeah.

Markus: Hey, it could be worse, it could be Markus making a strength check [laughs].

Loyal: True, mine's not negative I guess.

GM: You fail. And notice that you are stuck, you cannot leave this web.

Loyal: "Taury I'm a bit stuck right now, it's not ideal."

Taury: "You don't say." 

Fenwarin: Oh my god!

GM: As you begin to struggle against the stickiness, the little spiders are starting to move towards you as the vibrations are traveling throughout the web network.

Loyal: I want to just stop moving, I want to stop moving, and I'm like, "Taury, please cut me free."

Taury: She's going to like reach out for your arms to drag you out.

Loyal: Ok, do my best to grab your arm.

Taury: Like you know, when you like grab someone like under their elbows, that kind of like proper pull?

Loyal: Yeah, like pull me out of it.

Taury: Ah huh, careful to not touch the web.

GM: Alright, I will need a dex check and a strength check then.

Taury: Ok.

Loyal: Who's the dex from?

GM: Taury for both.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Because she's trying to avoid getting stuck as well.

Loyal: Yeah, this is going to be ah, not ideal.

Taury: Well, that's not the worst but it's not great.

Loyal: Better than a 10 it could be worse but it's not ideal.

Taury: Look, it could have been a crit fail.

GM: Yeah.

Taury: Fuck you!

GM: Taury, you do not get stuck, but you do not free Loyal.

Loyal: Ok, am I able to reach my dagger?

GM: No, the added vibrations.

Taury: Hmmm. They move faster, don't they? 

GM: A little bit.

Loyal: I don't like that image, I don't like that image.

Taury: Hmm, oh is that- that's not a swarm right?

GM: That is a swarm.

Taury: Oh great.

Loyal: I don't like that image, ok!

Taury: Fucking great.

Loyal: Issue! [Laughs]

GM: Taury would have been right next to it to help out. So the swarm-

Taury: I mean, he was originally in the middle square, but ok. 

GM: The swarm engulfs you.

Taury: Okey dokey, great. Great!

Loyal: What are the rest of you fuckers doing?

GM: Watching.

Taury: Fucking wonderful. Yeah, watching like the sick fucks that they are. I'm assuming this room is actually dark as well, right? We can just see.

GM: Oh of course this entire place is dark.

Taury: Yeah yeah because, because I'm never going to get to use that darkness spell ever. Literally never [laughs] unless I'm trying to like get away from Fenwarin or something. 

All: [Laugh]

GM: Alright. Loyal, you are first, you are starting within the area of a spider swarm which is engulfing you.

Loyal: "Off! Off! Bad! Bad spiders!"

GM: Yeah, which means you will need to make a fortitude check.

Loyal: What... A 10?

GM: Alright, a 10 fails.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Ooh.

GM: The sensation of them crawling all over you and the hundreds of bites you're receiving from them distracts you. You will need to make a concentration check for any spells that you attempt to cast.

Loyal: Ok, none.

GM: And also, because of this, you can only make a movement action, are throwing up from the pain and sensation, as you are sickened from it.

Loyal: Cool on the sickened condition.

GM: And will remain in this condition for as long as you are within the swarm.

Loyal: Cool, so can I attempt to break free of the web?

GM: Alright, your spider swarm will deal some damage to you. Go ahead and have 4 points of damage, and I need a fortitude save against the poison.

Taury: Fuck!

Loyal: Ok I currently have, I have a +2 bonus on all saves against poison, ok cool. So +2 to this. Fucking what are my rolls this session?

Taury: Ooh welp!

Fenwarin: Oh, my god.

Loyal: It's the third natural 1 I've rolled!

Taury: That's a welp that is, that's like been like the fifth one today in total.

Loyal: So technically a 6 because there's a +2 but.

Taury: I mean, that doesn't matter you're still gonna die.

Loyal: It's not my day, not Loyal's day today.

Taury: Oh boy.

GM: Have a point of strength damage.

Taury: Fuck!

Loyal: Ok I need to get out of this, this doesn't help me! This is so much worse, so much worse!

Fenwarin: Oh God.

Taury: Oh, that's so clever though, but that's so clever because it makes it harder for you to get out! Wow spiders are dicks bro.

Loyal: Fuck! Fuck me! [Laughs] It sucks!

Morana: I can give you the good news or I can give you the bad news.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Alright, give us both.

Morana: The good news: The good news is I have a way that I can deal with swarms.

Taury: Alright but?

Loyal: What's the bad news?

Morana: "You're in the middle of it.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: I mean look, it's you know look.

Loyal: Drop a bomb, at my feet, that'll work.

Taury: I'm not opposed to that suggestion.

Morana: You know it actually would.

Loyal: Fuck this! drop a bomb at my feet. [Laughs]

Markus: That might actually help yeah.

Loyal: Because it would burn the webs in theory too.

Taury: Look yeah, if you fucking burn me Bro though. [Laughs]

Loyal: I'll try not to. First I have to get unstuck.

Morana: I'm not, I can't say any more right now.

Taury: Collateral damage.

GM: The sight of a carpet of swarming spiders is unsettling indeed, particularly when the swarm is made up of spiders each the size of a gold coin and possessing blade like mandibles capable of lacerating the flesh with sickening ease. 

Loyal: Nice. 

Fenwarin: Oh yeah.

Loyal: Alright, so the only action I can take is movement yeah? So I can't like just try struggle to try to make a bomb and slam it against the fucking wall to explode. Hmm. I guess I'll try and break free or the very least break free enough to where I can like, grab a dagger and cut myself free.

GM: Alright, that is a strength check.

Loyal: Cool, which I now have a negative 1 on, thanks to strength damage, god damn it!

Taury: Listen, the power of positive thinking. [Laughs]

Loyal: Hmm.

Fenwarin: Ooh!

Taury: Never mind.[Laughs]

Loyal: That's a, that's a 2.

GM: Yeah. That's a fail.

Loyal: Death by spiders apparently.

GM: Alright, it is the storm's turn. It does nothing but continue to stand there and eat you and Taury alive. 

Loyal: Cool.

Taury: Listen, it hasn't eaten me alive, yet. Ok?

GM: Taury it is your turn, so you will take 5 points of damage from the swarm, and I will need a fortitude save from the poison, and a fortitude save against the distraction. Alright, you fail the fortitude save against the poison and will take 1 point of strength damage as the result.

Loyal: Oh boy oh boy.

Taury: I don't love that, but I'll take it.

GM: You do save against the distraction.

Taury: Sweet, this is fine.

Loyal: Not very sweet, but ok.

Taury: Listen, who got us into this? [Laughs] Alrighty, so other than that, I'm ok to do things right?

GM: Yes. 

Taury: Ok. Gonna light an incendiary arrow. Well 2 of them, I'm going to take a five foot step back and shoot an incendiary arrow, kind of want to say at the web, or at the swarm, I kind of want to say the web.

Loyal: Both go for both for but there's probably swarm on the web.

Taury: But then if I say web, am I going to fucking set you on fire is the thing.

Loyal: I'm fine with this, do it.

Markus: [Laughs] Yeah, I'll shoot it at the web that he's in.

GM: Give me an attack roll.

Taury: Yup, alright.

GM: That will hit and the webs begin to burn.

Taury: Yay, that's going to burn for 2 rounds. So that's that's nice and I think that's pretty much all I can do. Yeah, I'll just knock the second arrow and get ready to shoot that in the next round.

GM: Alright. Fenwarin, it is now your turn.

Fenwarin: Yeah, I'll step in. And I can't see anything for here. I can't see anything from here in the door, so I just move in a little bit more?

Loyal: You can probably see some light coming from the burning webs. 

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Oh yeah, it would be glowing, you might hear the faint screams of tiny spiders. I knew those incendiary arrows would be helpful at some point.

Fenwarin: Can I somehow help with getting the spiders off of him?

Loyal: Probably get me out of the spiders that could in theory work.

Taury: Ah, please don't touch the swarm.

Loyal: Yeah.

GM: Knowledge nature.

Fenwarin: Ok, Jesus!

Loyal: Ooh nice.

GM: Alright, you have identified a spider swarm, you know that this is a swarm of thousands of diminutive vermin, it cannot be single target attacked. It must be AOE only to do any damage to this swarm whatsoever. However, AOE effects do an extra 50 percent damage to it.

Loyal: Hoo hoo hoo.

GM: You have three more questions, what would you like to know about a spider swarm?

Fenwarin: Their resistances.

GM: Alright, it has no specific resistances, but it is immune to mind affecting effects as it is vermin and because of its diminutive nature of the parts of the swarm, it is immune to all weapon damage.

Fenwarin: Hmm.

Loyal: Fun.

Taury: Great.

Loyal: [Laughs] Here with a torch.

Markus: Yeah, swarms are interesting foes.

Taury: Interesting's one word for a bag of dicks, but ok.

GM: What else would you like to know Fenwarin?

Fenwarin: Any chance of finding out the AC or something like that?

GM: Sure, it's AC is on par with any of yours. Maybe even better than. But by a small margin.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Loyal: For the fountain bonus this is technically our next combat, so.

GM: That is correct.

Fenwarin: I'm thinking if I aimed my ray of frost at the swarm, maybe that would have an effect?

GM: A ray of frost is a single target attack, it won't have any effect on the swarm.

Fenwarin: Oh it is? Ok damn. I guess I'll just stand at the ready just defensively, because I can't really do anything.

GM: Alright. Markus, it's your turn.

Markus: I'm just double checking, what do I actually have? Yeah, ok. Um I think for now, Markus is going to step in here, closing the door behind him to muffle the sound of the statues, and he's gonna move to somewhere where he might get a better view. And he's going to go into his bags and pull out a piece of parchment. And that's going to be it.

GM: Alright, Morana.

Morana: Morana is going to move up here and see what all the bloody noise is about, and apparently that's 5, 10, 15, 20. Hold on, if I stand here, I can still catch enough on that line where I'd be able to hit it with a 15 foot cone right?

GM: Yes.

Morana: How hurt does Loyal look?

Loyal: HP wise, I'm not bad, actually.

Morana: Ok, cause you're probably about to be a little worse.

Loyal: Could be worse.

Morana: Yeah, we're not having any of this shit, so burning hands on the swarm.

Loyal: That's fine. I'm ok with this.

GM: Loyal make a reflex save.

Loyal: Cool. Hey, ah wait that's the spiders not mine, I still get a 17. We'll take it.

Morana: That's actually, yeah that's enough to make it so. Oh! You take 4.

Loyal: So I take 4 reduced by 5, so 0. I.m good.

Morana: Max damage, I like it.

GM: And the swarm will also take 4 points, but because it is AOE it's an additional 50 percent, so 6 total.

Loyal: Oh 6, nice.

Morana: Does that like catch the webs on fire or anything?

GM: They're already burning.

Taury: Uh huh, you're welcome.

Morana: That is her turn.

GM: Alright, the webs continue to burn, it would burn you Loyal, but you don't really feel it. The spiders that are on the web do burn with it, but it is not enough to actually deal damage to the swarm because of how many spiders the swarm is.

Loyal: Cool, but the webs are probably mostly gone?

GM: Yeah, and at this point...

Loyal: Oh no, he just rolled initiative!  There's another one!

Taury: He did, and I was just on my next turn. Literally my next turn, and I was about to shoot that fucking web as well! Great.

GM: Emerging from the webs where Taury was staring, a spider the size of a man emerges from it's web network.

Taury: Here's Johnny!

Loyal: Cool, so do I have to make, do a bunch of things in my turn?

GM: Yeah, the spider swarm will deal it's damage to you. Have a point of damage.

Loyal: That's fine [Laughs] I'll take it, 1 point.

Taury: Still a point too many.

GM: And I need another fortitude save for their poison.

Loyal: Cool +2 on this, 13.

GM: Ok, it does need two rounds of successful beating it to not.

Loyal: Go away?

GM: Yeah, but because you saved you do not take the poison this turn.

Loyal: The strength damage, ok.

GM: Yeah.

Loyal: Cool and I have to make another thing for something or other right? Or is that just

GM: Yes the distraction.

Loyal: Cool with a fortitude as well, yeah?

GM: Ah ha.

Loyal: That's better.

GM: Right you are no longer distracted.

Loyal: Ok. I don't know if the swarm can take an opportunity to attack, so I'm just going to kind of like move.

Taury: Oh I assume that it can. 

Loyal: It's a swarm.

GM: Need a strength check.

Loyal: Ok, to move through it essentially?

Taury: Oh you- oh no there's no way of doing it, never mind. 

GM: Because of the webs.

Taury: But they're burnt, you said they were burnt. 

Loyal: Ok, they're burnt, yeah, they're burnt.

GM: They are burning.

Loyal: Oh ok. So I'm still stuck.

GM: Yes, they're just not all anchored anymore longer.

Loyal: Am I less stuck enough to make a bomb?  

GM: You are less stuck, you have a bonus that I know. Give me a roll and I'll let you know if you pass.

Loyal: Ok... No. Probably not, absolutely not.

Taury: Oh gosh!

GM: A 3 is not enough. No. [Laughs]

Loyal: Absolutely not.

Taury: Fuck! Well, put it this way they should- the weba should be burned by the next round.

Loyal: Yeah.

GM: Instead of being completely immobile, you can take a five foot step.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: Further into the swarm.

Loyal: Yeah, I'm just gonna step out of the swarm. [Laughs] Just step out of the swarm.

Taury: It's like maybe don't.

Loyal: Do I have enough movement to make a bomb or nah, or at least drink antivenom or antitoxin, same thing?

GM: Yes, yeah you have a standard because you're not distracted this turn.

Loyal: I'll just drink some antitoxin. 

GM: Alright.

Loyal: +5 on fortitude saves against poison for one hour.

Taury: Yay.

Loyal: I didn't forget it like the quasit fight this time.

Markus: Yeah.

Taury: [Laughs] Oh man, that quasit.

Markus: Yeah, it's not like you had any warning that there might be things like, I don't know, spiders about.

GM: Right?

All: [Laugh]

Fenwarin: Shush.

Fenwarin: ...Oh heck!

Taury: Oh boy, he led them straight to you.

Fenwarin: Oh that's fun.

Taury: That's yeah, that's the definition of fun, that is. [Laughs]

GM: Swarms are mindless, so they seek out prey and will engulf however much they can.

Loyal: What's up Fenwarin? How are you doing? Welcome to my world. 

Fenwarin: Oh, I'm totally fine yeah, I'm no, nope.

Loyal: Welcome to my world.

Taury: I love that you left the swarm and the swarm was like, "Hey no wait, come back, come back!"

GM: Yeah.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: I want to be your friend.

Fenwarin: Lots of hugs.

GM: Taury, it's your turn.

Taury: Alright, I'm gonna shoot an incendiary arrow at the swarm.

GM: At the swarm?

Taury: Well maybe, actually hold on, I was rereading the thing and I have to get a crit in order to do that, so I'm not. I'm gonna shoot it at the big ass spider instead.

GM: Alright.

Taury: Because hopefully that one's not resistant to everything that I do... Oh man!

Loyal: Ooh! Probably doesn't confirm but.

GM: So you were saying something about needing a crit?

Taury: Yeah on a critical hit, the target must succeed a DC 15 reflex save or catch fire. Basically. A lit incendiary arrow deals and an additional 1 point of fire damage... Oh fuck!

GM: It does make the reflex save.

Fenwarin: Come on!

Loyal: Little shit, a  little shit.

Fenwarin: A giant shit.

Taury: Fuck! [Laughs] I think that's still the best roll I've ever had on an attack.

GM: And your crit chance does fail, so you hit, but not crit. Dealing a total of 7 points and then +1 for fire.

Taury: Yeah.

GM: Alright, Markus.

Markus: Yes. Ok so I'm assuming the one I can see here, I'm assuming that is not a swarm. Am I correct?

GM: That is correct, it is just a giant spider.

Taury: Just? Just a giant spider.

Fenwarin: No biggie.

Markus: Ok, move action to remove the coat, so it's no longer interfering. Throwing it over shoulder and then casting some shadows towards the large spider.

GM: Alright.

Markus: So 19 to hit with a touch attack.

GM: That does entangle it in shadow.

Loyal: How's it feel, you little fuck! How does it feel to be stuck?

Taury: You little fuck! Its multiple little fucks, oh no it's that one.

Markus: Yeah.

Fenwarin: All you little fucks!

Markus: And I'm going to take a five foot step back as well.

GM: Ok. Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

GM: Have some damage.

Fenwarin: Oh, that's so nice yes, thank you.

GM: I am benevolent.

Taury: Bullshit.

Fenwarin: Yes I've noticed, yes.

GM: And I need fortitude saves, one for the poison, one for the distraction.

Taury: And you get a fort save, and you get a fort save, everybody gets a fort save!

Fenwarin: I like.

GM: You have passed both fortitude saves.

Taury: Nice.

Fenwarin: Phew!

Loyal: Nice.

GM: What would you like to do, Fenwarin?

Fenwarin: Oh, I will cast a ray of frost on the giant spider.

GM: Alright, we'll need a concentration check.

Fenwarin: Ok... Ooh!

GM: Succeeded without issue, and you'll need to roll an attack.

Fenwarin: Alright... Ah!

Loyal: With the entangle it my hit.

Taury: It's alright, it's alright.

GM: That does hit.

Fenwarin: Good. I think that's good enough.

Taury: It's nice.

Loyal: Nice.

Taury: Nearly max damage.

Loyal: Nice.

GM: Alright. It is now the giant spider's turn. Alright. This is going to be interesting.

Taury: No, I don't like that.

GM: A 9 misses your touch, touch AC correct Taury?

Taury: Yeah, my touch AC is 12.

GM: Yeah alright, the giant spider attempts to shoot out webbing at you but misses.

Loyal: Oh oh.

Taury: Lol get wrecked.

Loyal: [Laughs] yeah.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: The spider doesn't have Tony Stark on his side.

GM: Morana, it's your turn. Go ahead and have some damage, 6 points, my gift to you.

Fenwarin: Ow! 

Taury: He says that's so generously like here, have some damage.

Fenwarin: Yes so benevolent.

Morana: You know, you say it's your gift, but it's it's really the gift of the person that decided to bring the swarm to me.

GM: [Laughs]

Loyal: I'm gonna step back.

Taury: Look, we're a team, we're a team, this is teamwork, this is what teamwork looks like.

Morana: Ok, so 2 fortitude saves...

Loyal: It was either get out of the swarm or move into the swarm.

Taury: No, put it this way you know, sharing the damage means Loyal and everyone else is less likely to die on their own, you'll die together. [Laughs]

Morana: Those are the 2 fortitude saves.

GM: Amazingly, both of those pass.

Taury: Sweet, nice.

Morana: Arighty.

Morana: Which means I've got full movement, right?

GM: Yes.

Morana: Alright.

Taury: Runs the fuck away. Alright later losers! [Laughs]

Morana: Well, that would hit Fenwarin too wouldn't it? Well I maybe not with that angle, I can't tell.

Taury: Collateral damage.

Fenwarin: Do what you have to do.

Morana: Alright, well, here we go.

Taury: Spoken like a true champ.

Loyal: Do it.

Fenwarin: I just say, kill those fuckers.

Morana: That's another burning hands.

Fenwarin: I got a reflex as well? 

Taury: Probably. 

Fenwarin: I guess.

Taury: If it's hitting, if it's in, if it's hitting, if you're in range yeah.

Fenwarin: Just waiting on confirmation.

Morana: I believe their save would match. I think it's, yeah that's still 16.

GM: Alright, so they match and save.

Morana: Yeah no, actually, they would have beaten it by 1, so no it's still a save.

GM: Oh ok, alright.

Morana: So save for half is 3, no 2, so they take 3.

GM: +1, yeah.

Loyal: Die spiders!

GM: Fenwarin is outside of your range on that?

Morana: I wasn't sure on that because it's 15 foot cone, which I think he would be just outside because of the way it's blocking by the door and then kind of squeezing in that narrow spot.

GM: I will agree with that.

Fenwarin: Ok.

GM: Alright. Morana, As you unleash your wave of burning hands, a very small portion of the swarm is caught but it spreads throughout them, burning most of the remaining swarm up, and the those that weren't burned dissipate.

Fenwarin: Oh thank god!

Taury: Hell yeah! Sweet.

Loyal: Fuck you spiders! now just kill the big one.

GM: Not being in a swarm, they lose their confidence to overpower such larger enemies than themselves and they flee back into the webbings.

Taury: Oh they've got low self-esteem.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Yeah ah man, you hate to see it.

Morana: And Morana just ok boomered, the swarm.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Yeah exactly.

Fenwarin: Oh, my God.

Taury: Look, I appreciate that.

Loyal: A good joke.

GM: Loyal, it is now your turn.

Loyal: Ok, fuck this spider. This thing is restrained, is the web gone now? 

GM: Yes.

Loyal: Ok, I'm safe to like move back here yeah?

GM: You should look where you're walking.

Taury: Oh for fuck sake!

Loyal: I mean I assume all of that is burnt though yes?

GM: No.

Loyal: But as fire does it spreads yeah? 

Taury: Well yeah, but the angle to which to which I shot it at.

Loyal: Regardless I move, boom, there we go. Problem solved.

Taury: I don't know.

GM: Yeah. Don't repeat your mistakes.

Taury: Yeah, you could just stop walking through the fucking thing.

Loyal: Is it safe to move there?

GM: Yes.

Loyal: Ok. And then I will fire my crossbow at that stupid old fucking spider. I assume since I'm out of the swarm, is the sickened gone or is that once the poison goes away?

GM: You are no longer sickened, because that is part of the distraction.

Loyal: Cool, I'll take a crossbow shot at the spider, feel like that probably doesn't hit, but you never know?

GM: That does miss.

Loyal: Ok, and move- I already moved, so yeah, that's my turn.

GM: Taury, it is your turn.

Taury: I want to light and shoot another incendiary arrow, shoot it at the big ass spider... And oh wait, hold on. I have that thing where I can re-roll. Yeah, I can re-roll that. So I'm going to re-roll that just cause.

Loyal: Yeah, it's probably good to re-roll.

Taury: Ah ha. Watch this be another crit fail. This happened to me the last time I did this as well I rolled worse. No I rolled worse.

Fenwarin: No, don't say it. No don't say it!

Loyal: You said it.

Taury: Or the damage is going to be like 2 or something.

Loyal: The chance this would happen?

Taury: Oh fuck!

Loyal: [Laughs] It doesn't confirm. 

GM: Crit chance not confirmed.

Taury: Oh boy.

Loyal: That could have been 12 if it was crit!

GM: Dealing minimum damage.

Taury: Yup. Well it deals 2 because it's got the +1.

Fenwarin: Why is it always like this?

Loyal: Oh my god.

Taury: Listen man, I know, I'm with you there.

Fenwarin: It's like miss for a big hit, or hit with a tiny little bit of damage.

Taury: With shit damage, right?

Fenwarin: It's just oh!.

GM: Markus.

Markus: Hmm... Yeah, Markus will attempt to cast a cantrip to attack the spider. Oh wait, wait, no even better. Yeah, let's cast daze.

GM: That is a will save.

Markus: It is yes, it does not succeed.

GM: Oh. That's the swarm sorry I rolled from the wrong sheet.

Markus: Ah shucks.

Taury: Watch, this roll be even higher.

Markus: Yeah, like a natural 20.

Loyal: Natural 20.

GM: Daze is mind affecting anyway, immune.

Loyal: It's vermin.

Markus: Oh a spider also counts as vermin? Ok.

GM: Yes, yeah.

Markus: Oops, oh well.

GM: Ok.

Loyal: Do I have to make the fortitude save against the poison by the way? Is that a thing I had to do in my turn?

GM: Oh yes, you do, sorry.

Loyal: This is a +7 to this because I took the antoxin. Ok, I think I'm good.

GM: The poison has run its course in your veins.

Loyal: Cool.

GM: Fenwarin, it is now your turn.

Fenwarin: Ok, I'm going to step a bit up.

GM: Up towards the spider?

Fenwarin: No [laughs], up towards the door.

Taury: Oh away you mean? 

Fenwarin: Yeah. 

Taury: Running away?

Fenwarin: Yeah I meant up on the map yeah, yeah.

GM: North towards to the exit not south towards the spider.

Taury: Towards the exit yeah.

Fenwarin: North, yeah. Thank you.

Loyal: Brave, brave Sir Robin.

Fenwarin: Yeah, I'm moving north. [Laughs] And I'm just going to go with a guaranteed hit, so I'm going to use the force missile on it. +1.

Taury: Oh look, it dead, it doesn't matter.

Loyal: It's dead. We did it.

Fenwarin: Yay.

GM: You have slain the last spider. Well the spider.

Taury: Yeah, we fucking have.

GM: There are still lots of little spiders, so it's not the last spider, but yeah.

Taury: Listen, you say that like you want us to sit here and kill every single spider in this room. [Laughs]

Loyal: Loyal is going to take out a torchlight and just start burning all of the webs.

GM: Ok.

Fenwarin: Well then.

Taury: Yay. Are we level 3 now? [Laughs]

Markus: I think the answer to that is, not yet.

Loyal: No, no.

Taury: Yeah, it's always no, the answer to that is always no.

GM: After you burn away all the webs, you find the body of a dead goblin.

Loyal: They were mentioning the sister earlier, can I tell if this is a female goblin?

GM: That would be a heal check.

Loyal: I'm good at that. There we go.

Fenwarin: Woah.

Taury: Nice.

GM: Yes, this is the body of a dead female goblin and appears to have been killed by the spider about two days ago.

Loyal: "I think we found that sister they were talking about." Anything of value on the goblin?

GM: Yes, there is a wooden dragon toy, a magic wand and a pouch with 14 gold pieces.

Fenwarin: "Magic wand hey?"

Markus: "The wooden dragon toy is going to be useful."

Loyal: And ok I've got the wooden dragon toy. The gold, I'll just kind of like be like, "alright, you guys saved me there, here." and just kind of toss the pouch to whoever's nearest.

Taury: It's it's me, but ok.

Loyal: I don't know where the body is in relation to me.

Markus: Yeah, please don't toss money at Taury.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: I just kind of like toss it backwards, not really looking where I'm tossing it, just going like nyeh.

Taury: That's a sore subject in this group.

Fenwarin: Yeah, throwing gold at Taury will be throwing it at a black hole.

Taury: Alright listen, listen, listen. 

Fenwarin: It's true.

Taury: You don't want me to bring up food alright, speaking of black holes.

Loyal: A wand huh? Seeing as Fenwarin already used his wand I'd be like, "You want this I found it, not really sure what it does, but?"

Fenwarin: "Yeah sure, and I can examine and see what see what it is."

Loyal: I hand him the wand.

GM: That will be a knowledge arcane or spellcraft.

Fenwarin: I'm better at knowledge arcane, so I'll try that.

GM: You easily identify your favorite spell, magic missile.

Loyal: [Laughs] Yes.

Taury: Yay.

GM: This wand contains 4 charges.

Fenwarin: 4 yeah.

GM: And is a first level casting.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Loyal: Is it guaranteed to work?

Fenwarin: Yeah, probably. [Laughs] It's not cursed.

Loyal: In theory.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: I mean, it didn't get that goblin very far.

GM: Alright, this dragon toy is cleverly built, when you pull on the tail, it's hinged wings and jaws move.

Loyal: That's fun. I kind of show the toy to everyone.

Taury: What age was the goblin like, was it a young goblin?

Loyal: Good question.

GM: Yes.

Taury: Oh oh.

Loyal: F, ah because it was sister ah.

Taury: Yeah. 

Loyal: Poor goblin.

Markus: Bear in mind as well that goblins also have relatively short lifespans so.

Loyal: It's true they live like what, like 15 years or some shit like that.

Taury: I mean, still.

GM: And would you like to make an appraise check on this toy?

Loyal: Sure.

GM: It is worth 50 gold. Taury and Loyal, can you see this far up this path?

Loyal: No, I can see to about right there.

Taury: I can see to there.

GM: Alright, you'll notice then Taury, there seems to be some sort of markings on the wall here.

Taury: Can I read it from here?

GM: No.

Taury: Can I like see what it looks like, does it look like some of the similar markings we've seen before? 

GM: No. 

Taury: Alrighty, no as in I don't, I can't see it at all, really?

GM: Yeah, you just know there's something on the wall.

Taury: Alrighty, is this web in this corridor?

GM: Loyal has made sure to burn it all.

Loyal: Burn it all to the ground.

Taury: Alrighty.

GM: He's probably stomping on a few fleeing spiders and-

Loyal: Scorched earth.

Taury: Just fucking curses just every now and again, echoing through the corridor. Ah yes, so she will walk up closer to that and have an investigation of it.  It's up here, you said right? 

GM: Yes.

Taury: I don't like the way you said that. How close exactly do I have to be to be able to read it?

GM: Adjacent.

Taury: Ah. I don't have to be that close to it, surely?

GM: And you'll need a light source.

Taury: Ah, but dark vision though?

GM: You cannot read with dark vision. If it is an engraving where there's like a relief to it.

Taury: Well I have an incendiary arrow that is still lit.

GM: Ok, as long as you've got a light source, you can read.

Taury: Because I always like to-

GM: Ok.

Loyal: Can I attempt to harvest venom from the giant spider,is that a thing I can do?

GM: It is, and that is a survival check.

Loyal: Ok, I'm not awful at that... Yah. Yay!

GM: You have received one vial of giant spider venom. I will put the poison in the dischord.

Taury: Can I do a perception check in this room, see if there's anything?

GM: No need, standing in the middle of the cavernous corridor up ahead is a strange stone pillar. Odd symbols and faintly glowing glyphs run up and down the 10 foot tall obelisk sides. On the east wall it looks like someone used chalk to write on one of the rough stones. It reads, The goblins fear the wyrm and do not venture through the crypt to its layer, its breath is death.

Taury: No need?

Loyal: To specify it's wyrm, W Y R M yeah?

GM: Yes.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: It's a fucking eastern style dragon, that's what it is! [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Oh, man.

Taury: That writing I assume, was on this, just this eastern side here yeah? That's what you were talking about a minute ago.

GM: Yes. 

Taury: Cool. Yeah Taury's gonna to go and have a look at this statue thing, obelisk. I presume it's a religion check to try and read it?

GM: The pillar?

Taury: Yeah, yeah. Well you already read out the writing, didn't you, that was on the wall?

GM: Yes, the graffiti was already read, the pillar will require a knowledge arcana check.

Taury: Great. Well I'm not trained in that.

Loyal: I am actually. Let's see if I can figure something out.

GM: 18, alright, that will pass. As you look at this pillar, you can tell that the symbols on the pillar make up a very simple puzzle. On each side there are a number of different symbols, but there's only one that appears on more than one place. And that's the symbol for water, which appears once on each side of the pillar.

Taury: Again with the water huh?

Loyal: [Laughs]

Fenwarin: I was just thinking that.

Taury: Uh huh. So there's a water symbol on all sides of it except one side?

GM: On all sides of it.

Markus: It's the symbol that appears everywhere. It's the only symbol that appears everywhere.

Taury: Alright.

GM: Much like the trope of this game.

Taury: Listen, this water thing [laughs]. What is that? The thing in the water, the like-? 

Fenwarin: Hmm.

Loyal: That's what I'm wondering, that's what I'm fucking wondering, I'm like ah like, I'm going to to take a look, oh?

GM: There seems to be something moving in the water.

Taury: Oh no.

Loyal: I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

Taury: How big is this something in the water?

GM: Well.

Taury: Oh god.

GM: Lets, let's see here. [Laughs] What you see moving in the water appears to be blood-red spines running the length of a frightening creature which resembles some sort of a lobster in the front, but an eel in the back.

Taury: Oh, I like none of that.

Loyal: I don't like that at all, fuck that.

Fenwarin: What?

Markus: Ok, is that a thing that can be identified?

Morana: Yeah, I wanted to ask that same question. I need to figure out what the fuck that is.

GM: I posted a picture of it in the Discord.

Markus: Ok.

Loyal: Uh uh! Fuck that! Uh uh. That nope!

Taury: Oh great, great. Oh, let me see this.

Fenwarin: What the hell?!

Loyal: What the fuck is that?  

Fenwarin: That is a death prawn.

Morana: Is that like a knowledge nature or planes maybe looking at this thing?

GM: That is a knowledge nature.

Morana: Ok, nature.

GM: Knowledge nature yeah.

Taury: I don't like it at all.

Morana: Man!

Taury: Wow. It's like a shrimp that just got really, really pissed.

Loyal: Angry shrimp. [Laughs]

Taury: Yeah.

Fenwarin: Shrimp on steroids.

Taury: Yeah.

GM: Runty, you have no idea what this thing is. Everyone else that attempted to identify this creature recognizes a reef claw. Reef claws are vicious predators. They possess greater intelligence than most other animals, but rely mainly on their strength and instincts to survive. They hunt fish, giant crabs, dolphins and even other land dwelling creatures that come within a hundred paces of their waters.

Taury: What was that last part? [Laughs]

Markus: Oh ok.

Loyal: A hundred paces hah?

Morana: It says 30 feet away but Morana's about five nine so, with that leg strength, it'd be about yeah I'm about 100.

GM: Morana, you know that there's some reef claws around Sandpoint coast, up near the Old Light and around the harbor and stuff. In populated areas, they prey on beachcomber's, divers, fishermen. Sometimes abandoning their usual solitary nature and coordinating their attacks with other reef claws. The creatures are wary however, because in some regions these abominations find their way to the dinner plate, meaning some people catch them and eat them. Brave fishermen along some coastlines and stuff, find that the infestation of reef claws are good to sell, and they bait the creatures with fresh meat and then harvest their powerful claws with axes.

Morana: Ok, does Morana know how they react? Are they not intelligent but, you know, kind of smart enough to realize when they're outnumbered and this is a bad thing for them to go after as prey?

Taury: [Laughs] I don't think they're outnumbered, I don't think it's outnumbered at all.

GM: Morana does not know this. However Loyal, Loyal you know that reef claws can't speak, but the creatures understand the languages used by humanoids near their hunting grounds. They use this knowledge in order to avoid fishermen and coordinate their attacks. Reef claws tend to keep no treasure, instead savoring the taste of flesh and the crunch of bone and shell as much as a miser covets gold. 

Fenwarin: Oh fun.

Taury: So it's Hannibal Lecter in shrimp form.

All: [Laugh] 

Taury: That's what you're saying. This is fun.

Loyal: "Alright, well they might know what we're saying, but can't talk. Or it, I don't know if there's more of them."

Taury: Is there anything else in this room in front of us other than this water and this thing?

GM: Perception check.

Taury: Alrighty.

GM: Morana, on the other side of the beach, you see a chest.

Loyal: Oh, now I want it!

GM: As you look into the darkness, you see a large pool of water, dominates the chamber, on the far side of the pool is a small island on which something glitters in the faint light.

Morana: Ok so that island, that chest is about there where it says 60 feet, right?

GM: Yeah.

Morana: Ok, detect magic. Since that goes to 60 feet [Laughs].

Loyal: [Laughs] Nice.

GM: [Laughs] You do detect two vial shaped magical sources.

Morana: Hmm.

Fenwarin: That got Loyal's attention.

Taury: I feel like we should turn around.

Loyal: Potions, potions you say?

Morana: I said nothing yet. 

Taury: And won't.

Morana: Morana is weighing in her mind whether that's worth the hassle.

Taury: But level 3 though.

Morana: "There's something over there, I don't know..." wait, out of character. Could I after you know, staring at the fields for a little bit, could I spellcraft to try and figure out what those vials are?

GM: Yes you may.

Morana: Do I need to roll once for each of them or?

GM: Yes.

Taury: Morana enters her mind palace, she's picturing them in her head.

Fenwarin: Sherlock.

GM: You identify both, the first one you notice is a potion of invisibility and the second is a potion of levitate.

Loyal: Ooh, that's nice.

Morana: "Oh damn it, why'd they have to be useful?"

Loyal: Levitate would be really nice right now, we could just levitate over the fucking water.

Morana: "That chest over there has two magic vials in it. From what I can tell, one is invisibility and one is levitate. I'm not sure weighing in my mind whether or not it's worth the hassle of trying to get past that to get them. I'd leave that decision up to whoever may want them."

Markus: "Hmm."

Taury: "Is there a door on the other side? Perhaps the tunnels loop around?"

Loyal: "Well we haven't gone far enough in to figure out if there's another side or not. I feel like if we make ourselves known to this thing and perhaps make it feel threatened, or that it wouldn't be able to take us on, we could perhaps at least skirt around the edge of the water without it attacking us. It could feel outnumbered."

GM: Speaking of the reef claw. Loyal, you had a high enough check, you get 4 questions about a reef claw. What would you like to know about them?

Loyal: What's its armor like?

GM: It's about the same as someone wearing leather.

Loyal: And the chiton isn't super powerful or anything? 

GM: No. 

Loyal: Ok. Any resistance's?

GM: Yes, they are resistant to cold.

Loyal: I don't use any cold damage on them, they live in the water they're pretty accustomed to that. What's one more?

Taury: How are they with fire?

Loyal: Any vulnerabilities perhaps? I don't know it that's the thing in Pathfinder.

GM: It is a thing, but no.

Loyal: Ok. "Well They're not vulnerable to anything, so fire's probably just average. Though if it's in the water I'm sure fire wouldn't be as great." How nasty are like it's pincers? Like, how much would those fucking hurt?

GM: Well you do know that once it grabs on to you, it will wrap its eel-like tail around you and begin crushing you like a snake.

Taury: Well, these things are fun.

GM: And they don't do a lot of damage, but they do have a poison on their claws. 

Loyal: Ah of course. 

GM: And when you kill them, they frenzy, that means they make one attack against every adjacent thing as they die. 

Loyal: Oh god. Jesus.

Taury: They flail screaming.

GM: Yeah.

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: "I think it's best we just stay away from this thing. Once it gets on to you, it's hard to get it off and they could probably drown you or, it's also poisonous."

GM: Ah, let's see here... It was Markus, Markus gets one question. Alright Markus, you have one question, what would you like to know about a reef claw?

Markus: Poison was mentioned, could we know the poison DC or is that too specific?

GM: No that's fine. You know that the poison is a relatively low DC, but it lasts for 4 rounds and deals strength damage.

Fenwarin: Ow!

Loyal: Of course.

Fenwarin: Oh them too? Oh well.

Taury: Hmm great, there's a theme emerging.

Fenwarin: Yeah, no kidding. [Laughs] It's like lower strength to not get out of the web, and lower strength not to be able to swim away from them.

Loyal: Or probably, probably escape its grasp.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Mm hmm. Yeah big grapples.

Morana: Bear in mind, escape artist is the skill, if you have it can also be used to escape grapples.

Fenwarin: If someone does have that?

Taury: I'm assuming Markus relaid that yeah? 

Markus: Yeah.

Fenwarin: "Well, I'll go with the consensus on this one."

Loyal: "Well those potion do seem useful, this also might be a good idea to scout out the room so I think if so long as we keep it threatened, it shouldn't attack us?"

Markus: "It's smart, kind of, so."

Loyal: "Yeah, they're above average intelligence for a bestial creature."

Markus: "Also we detected well, Morana detected the potions, but that doesn't mean that's the only thing over there. It's the only likely magical thing. So are we doing this?"

Loyal: "I think I would like to get those potions and I have an idea of something that I want to get in town that might be, allow me to recreate them, could be good in the long run."

Markus: "Oh, you think you can reproduce these yourself?"

Loyal: "Not currently, but I have an idea of a not too expensive item that I could purchase that would allow me to keep track of their formula, and allow me to create them the future."

Markus: "Interesting."

Fenwarin: "Yeah that's very handy."

Loyal: "So we're doing this, I guess so?" I pull out my crossbow.

Taury: Taury pulls up her bow.

Loyal: "I guess plan A is make sure it feels threatened, and plan B is if it attacks, attack."

Morana: Morana lets out a small sigh.

All: [Laugh]

Markus: "So we going to attempt to get past it without-?"

Loyal: "Without fighting it would be ideal. We're not really sure everything that's in the room yet, I haven't gotten a good look at it."

Markus: "Ok, we'll need to intimidate it then."

Loyal: "That's for sure."

Taury: "Might it be best to avoid disturbing it first?"

Loyal: "Not the worst idea."

Taury: "Intimidate it later."

Loyal: Step up, do I still see it swimming around the water? 

GM: Yes. 

Loyal: So we move along, I have my crossbow aimed at it.

Taury: Taury is not aimed at it, but she's watching it and she has her bow drawn anyway.

Loyal: So we attempting to go stealthily or nah?

Taury: I wouldn't describe it stealthily, I would describe it as softly.

Loyal: Cautiously.

Taury: Cautiously.

Loyal: Cautiously, yeah, that's fair.

Taury: But that's only because I don't want to roll a stealth check, because if I roll a stealth check we are going to get seen!

Loyal: [Laughs] Cool. I mean yeah.

Fenwarin: "Holy shit!"

Loyal: It doesn't even matter if we roll stealth now I don't think!

Taury: "Alright. Just because it sees us doesn't mean it is going to eat us."

Loyal: "It's true, we have a crossbow, and we have multiple weapons aimed at it."

Markus: "Oh I don't know, some of us could slip by."

Loyal: "That's an idea."

Fenwarin: "Some?" [Chuckles]

Markus: "Well, one of us."

Taury: "Yeah I think it's too late for that now."

Markus: "I'm thinking that might be how much it overheard. Oh, well."

Taury: Um, can I roll perception to see if it looks like it's circling like a fucking shark? Or is it just still swimming around, just chilling?

GM: It's noticed you.

Taury: Can I roll like a survival or perception, see how is it noticed? 

Morana: That sounds more like a sense motive.

Loyal: Yeah.

Taury: Well I'm gonna roll that too, but it's like is it like, "Oh hi guys!" Or is it like, "Oh look, it's dinner."?

GM: Sense motive.

Taury: Mm hmm.

Fenwarin: Probably dinner.

Taury:  We're absolutely dinner.

Loyal: Think I'll try that too, I'm keeping my eye on it. Nyeh!

Taury: That's better.

Loyal: 16, a bit better.

Fenwarin: Was that the power word? "Nyeh!"?

Taury: Yeah, Loyal just groans every time he does anything.

Loyal: It makes me roll above average.

Fenwarin: Ah nice. [Laughs]

GM: Loyal, it is very much aware of the entire group and is watching you all intently.

Loyal: "Ok, it's watching us, but it doesn't seem to be aggressive right now."

Fenwarin: "Do we intimidate it?"

Loyal: "We can try."

Taury: "Wait didn't Loyal like, literally say that it can hear you and understand you?"

Loyal: "Ah yeah, I mean, yeah." 

Taury: "Alright."

Loyal: "Well, it understands, it kind of like can understand the things spoken by the people, near here, it might only know, goblin for all we know."

Taury: "Alright."

Markus: "Ah do you want to bet your life on that?"

Loyal: "Nope uh but-"

Taury: That was what I was thinking, like maybe don't say your plan out loud.

Loyal: I just kind of get a look at them and I'm like, "Are we moving up? Oh it's moving."

Taury: Well Taury is going to like, not push, but like gently like press against your bag to kind of like keep going.

Loyal: And I look and I say, "You're outnumbered, it's five to one." I'm still talking to it. "You make a move, you die."

Fenwarin: Just watch it have backup or something.

Loyal: That's what I'm worried about.

Taury: I just, I just don't want him to have to roll an intimidate check, because it's not going to work.

Loyal: My charisma's not fantastic.

GM: Are you attempting to intimidate it?

Loyal: Sure, I mean.

Markus: Oh.

Taury: I would suggest don't, because if you fucking-

GM: Roll intimidation.

Taury: Yup, there we go!

Fenwarin: Holy shit!

Loyal: [Laughs] It was a nat 1 too!

Taury: Oh my God.

Morana: Oooh!

GM: That is the result of zero.

Loyal: The fourth natural 1 I rolled this session.

Taury: Fuck me dude.

Fenwarin: Wow.

Loyal: I mean, what I said was, was an attempt at intimidation.

Taury: Yeah, but you could have not, you could have just been kind of saying that to beat yourself up, not actively trying to intimidate.

GM: It dives under the water.

Taury: "Oh for fuck's sake, it's got ears." And Taury is taking a step back and she's going to watch it.

Fenwarin: Fenwarin is going to hang back.

GM: You can no longer see it.

Taury: Well she's going to try and track it to try and see where it's about to come up.

Loyal: I have my fucking crossbow aimed ready for this fucking thing to come up.

GM: So what are you guys doing?

Taury: Waiting for it to resurface.

GM: How long are you waiting?

Taury: Pretty much until it surfaces I would say, unless that's too long right? Unless that's like a really long time.

Morana: How long can it hold its breath or can it breathe underwater?

Taury: Is it getting reinforcements?

Loyal: My guess is it probably can breathe underwater.

Markus: At which point, how long do you want to wait?

Loyal: "So the issue is currently I don't see any other way onto the island swimming through the water, and if we swim in that water, we die. It will attack us if we swim in that water, I can almost guarantee that."

Taury: Well, Taury's like staring at the water waiting for it to to resurface.

Loyal: Kind of same with a Loyal right now.

Taury: I wouldn't say, she's not aiming at the water, but like the bow is definitely like prepared, but it's not it's not aiming.

Loyal: My crossbow's aimed and my crossbow's ready to go off whenever it sees the thing, whenever I see the thing. If it attacks.

Fenwarin: I feel like it went to get reinforcements because he just heard the numbers.

Taury: Yup, you told it how many friends to bring.

Fenwarin: It's like, "Oh you're five? Ok."

Loyal: He heard the  zero. 

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: He went, "Hey buddy. Bring exactly 4 more." [Laughs]

GM: Would you like to make another nature check?

Loyal: Sure, I'll make a nature check.

Taury: I'll make one too.

GM: Runty, you know the organization of a reef claw is that they tend to be solitary, but when they do form a school, it could be upwards of 25.

Taury: Oh fuck.

Fenwarin: Holy shit!

GM: Or they can form a harem, which is when it's mating season, which happens every two to three years, they can congregate in numbers as much as 611.

Loyal: Nice.

Taury: How big is this- how big is this body of water?

Fenwarin: Wow.

Taury: Alrighty. Hmm. No Taury's definitely waiting to see what happens with it when it comes back.

GM: Fenwarin, you also know this about their organization, you know a little bit more about a harem. You know that the females gather in groups known as harems, always females. These harems form among the females that are ready to mate, which occurs every two to three years, and then they go out looking for a male ready to reproduce. The group then descends on the lone male and rips them to pieces, forming a cloud of gore in the water through which the females then swim through multiple times. When they finish this flurry, the females then feed on the rest of whatever's left and repeats this process four or five more times over a month's period. Then they disband while the impregnated reef claws gestate. After as little as three months a female then lays tens of thousands of eggs.

Fenwarin: Holy cow!

Taury: Oh.

GM: However, less than one percent of them make it to adulthood.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Taury: I mean, that's feminism defined in a paragraph, right?

All: [Laugh]

Taury: So what less than one percent of it, it's things survive?

GM: Yes.

Taury: So it's not bringing its babies, perhaps it's bringing it's friends babies. [Laughs]

Loyal: I guess the question is, is this one solitary or not?

Morana: Probably.

Loyal: Yeah, considering it's a cave, my guess is probably.

Fenwarin: That's still doesn't you know, comfort me, because that's still around, 100 that survive.

Taury: What you were looking for a comfort in these caverns?

Fenwarin: Yeah I know, right, futile exercise! [Laughs]

Taury: Oh man.

Fenwarin: "Ah yeah, what are we doing?"

Morana: Morana is still not convinced this chest is worth it.

Taury: "Loyal, are you light on your foot?."

Loyal: "Yeah."

Taury: "Then perhaps you should run across there and we distracted it over here."

Loyal: "Run across the water?"

Taury: "No, across the side." but she's whispering that.

Loyal: "I feel like if I'm off on my own, I might get attacked." Yeah I'm whispering back.

Taury: "Well, how much do you want the chest?"

Loyal: "I would say I do want pretty bad but," he just kind of sighs. "please don't let me die." And he's just going to inch his way.

Taury: "I'll do my best not to."

Loyal: Crossbow still aimed, inch my way across here.

Morana: Quick out of character, what kind of condition was the goblin corpse in the last room in?

Taury: It died by spider didn't it?

GM: Yeah, so it had had all the fluids drained from it.

Loyal: As spiders do.

Morana: Yeah, but these things are after the crunch of bones and stuff like that.

Loyal: I see what you're saying yeah, like the goblin corpse and.

Taury: Yeah, but it's only like a goblin and this thing is fucking huge right?

Loyal: Is this web right here webby enough to like restrain me?

GM: I like your paranoia.

Taury: The water looks back at you angrily. [Laughs]

Loyal: Is it, is the web? [Laughs]

GM: Why would I answer that question?

Taury: Look, do you want me to just shoot at it?

Loyal: I still have my torch, I'm just going to light the web and fire again.

GM: Alright, there you go.

Taury: This is a teaching moment, that's what you call that.

Loyal: Alright, assuming it burns out eventually? 

GM: Yes.

Loyal: Alright, I can barely see anyone now I'm getting scared.

Taury: Can I roll a perception check, just for my watching of this thing, because I'm not watching Loyal, I'm watching the water.

GM: Yeah.

Loyal: I also want to do that.

Taury: Alright, just I want to put you to just pull some bullshit where like you're like, "Oh and it just it, it surfaces without any of us noticing."

GM: As you've been watching the water, you notice that it's got a current.

Taury: Did it already have a current?

GM: It did.

Taury: That means there's sea.

Loyal: That means there's probably and exit.

GM: It seems like this pool is fed by some sort of either underground river or connection out to the sea. You're not sure which, but maybe the thing left.

Taury: What you're saying is, it is bringing it's friends, they're all live in the fucking sea.

Loyal: [Laughs] Yeah.

Fenwarin: With that intimidate, it did not go away. [Laughs]

Loyal: It definitely did not go away with a zero intimidation!

Taury: One hundred percent did not leave without the intention of returning very promptly.

Morana: While they're buggering around with the water, I want to take a look at that pillar again.

GM: Alright. 

Morana: What did you say that was said about it, there were symbols on it ah, is it a language or?

GM: It is arcane.

Morana: Oh, let me break out of that knowledge arcana.

Loyal: Oh yeah, I forgot about the obelisk. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Nice.

GM: Alright, 22. You know that when you solve the puzzle of the obelisk, it will grant you a magical ability.

Loyal: Ok.

Fenwarin: Yeah, water walking. [Laughs]

Loyal: Please... It says water.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Morana: Well, it doesn't have anything written on it in way of a riddle or?

GM: No.

Taury: You introduced it as a puzzle.

Morana: Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm supposed to solve a puzzle with no inclination as to what it's made up of.

Loyal: Can I taste the water, by the way, is salty or that fresh water?

Taury: Oh, don't, don't drink the fucking water! 

Loyal: [Laughs] I'm just thinking if it's salt water or not. 

Taury: Don't no, do not drink the water!

Loyal: Yes, drink the water.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

GM: So you're just going to quickly grab a handful and lap it up?

Taury: Don't stick your hand in the water! Please don't do that!

Loyal: I'm just seeing if it's salt water or not.

Taury: Your hand gets fucking torn off.

Loyal: Grab a vial if I need to.

GM: I'm just checking what you're doing. Are you dunking your head in to get a drink is?

Loyal: No.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Decapitated!

GM: Ok.

Loyal: Absolutely not! Absolutely not! 

Taury: Oh yeah because, because that would be dumb right.

Loyal: [Laughs] I'll just get like, I don't know, a vial and just like get a tiny bit. I just want to see if it's salt water or not.

GM: Alright, you taste the water, and while it's not as clean and cool and refreshing as the water from that fountain at the entrance, this is pretty clean fresh water.

Loyal: I kind of look over. "It's fresh water, so I guess considering our location comparison to the sea, probably not fed by the sea or anything."

Taury: Are you shouting this across the room or are you saying this yourself?

Loyal: He's just kind of saying it to himself.

Taury: Alright, I can say it's echoing through the cavern.

GM: Morana, what are you doing with this obelisk?

Morana: Well, it's like I said, it's hard to try and solve a puzzle when I've been given no pieces.

GM: Oh, Taury already solved it, and you have it solved as well. It's extremely simplistic.

Morana: Oh so it was just that all four sides had the symbol for water on it?

GM: Yeah, you just know, you need to touch the four symbols of water and something will happen.

Fenwarin: Oh! 

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Something?! [Laughs].

Loyal: Something. You may not like it but something will happen.

Taury: Well, you'll be fine.

Morana: Screw it, I want to be the one to do the dumb thing for once, I'm gonna touch all four of the symbols.

GM: Alright.

Fenwarin: There you go.

GM: You are now imbued with the magic of water breathing.

Loyal: Ok. 

Morana: Huh.

GM: And you know that it will last for several minutes.

Fenwarin: That doesn't put our minds at ease!

All: [Laugh]

Taury: That's not helpful no.

Morana: No that doesn't that doesn't reassure me at all.

Fenwarin: No, hell, fuck this! [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah, that doesn't help.

GM: You also feel an affinity for water and a knowledge that you are very good at swimming. Mechanically, you have a +5 bonus on all swim checks.

Loyal: Go fast.

Morana: Which evens out to a +3 and it's untrained.

Fenwarin: Oh god.

Taury: Do not go into the water.

Loyal: Do it.

Fenwarin: Oh god no.

Taury: Do not go into the water. 

Morana: No! You thought I was going to? Have we met?

GM: [Laughs].

Taury: I knew you weren't, I knew you weren't. It's just when you said you were going to be one stupid thing, I was like, that's fine. [Laughs]

Morana: No, that doesn't mean I'm doing the follow ups.

Taury: We can't all do the stupid thing.

GM: That's a shame.

Taury: We'll run out of stupid things to do.

Fenwarin: What a shame! [Laughs]

Loyal: Do it.

Morana: Morana looks at the pillar and says, "Ha well that's interesting, but I'm not doing anything with that."

Markus: "Why were you the one to activate it?"

Morana: "Someone had to be." 

Markus: "True."

Morana: "Besides, it's probably not a one time thing. Someone else can probably do it. I'm not getting in that water."

Markus: "Yeah, but if it's like a once per day thing?"

Loyal: I'm moving back.

Fenwarin: "You know, given what I know about reef claws, this is not worth it, it's too risky."

Loyal: I want to touch the symbols, considering we've been told that's how to do it. Do I get the thing?

GM: You do, you feel the magic imbued on you, you're aware of what it does and that it will last several minutes. Morana, as Loyal gains the magic of the obelisk, it leaves you.

Morana: "Apparently, it can only affect one person at a time I feel, well as ordinary as I can again." 

Markus: "Is that's a good thing though?"

Morana: "Of course, for I am completely ordinary."

Fenwarin: "As you all are."

GM: Would you like to make a bluff check with that?

Fenwarin: [Laughs] 

Morana: You know I would!

Taury: Does, does she need to? like does she need to?

GM: Yes.

Taury: You got a dirty look from Taury, Loyal, when you walked back.

GM: The entire group of you minus Morana of course, feel free to make a sense motive check.

Taury: Sure.

Fenwarin: Ok.

GM: Alright everyone but Fenwarin, you are positive that Morana is anything but ordinary.

Loyal: Ah it didn't take a check to figure that out. [Laughs]

Taury: Well, Taury already knew there was something up from that you know, interesting conversation.

Loyal: She talks to a doll.

Taury: Or the doll talks to her, who knows?

Loyal: Or both.

Taury: Why not both?

Loyal: "Ah well if everyone thinks it's not worth it, then might as well just ignore this threat for now."

Markus: "I wouldn't necessarily say not worth it, I think the others are concerned about the nature of this particular creature hunting in it's own habitat."

Fenwarin: "Yes."

Taury: "If you hadn't turned around, you would have gotten it by now."

Morana: "You're a fantastic swimmer now."

Loyal: "I'd like to point out that the," as I point over there, "the chest is over there."

Taury: "I can see that."

Loyal: "Do you want me to go to the other side just of this ledge area?"

Taury: "Yes walk around."

Loyal: "I was more concerned about being separated from you all around, in the possible presence of an ambush predator."

Markus: "Well, we can interfere with it at range."

Loyal: "That's true."

Taury: "That, that was entirely the plan, distraction, you grab the thing, you run back, we shoot it, it's not watching you if it's watching us."

Loyal: "That's fair, I see what you mean." Having this swim thing, I'll be like "ok." Then move along past the burnt webs, and he's just king of muttering "I don't like this."

Taury: Taury is still watching this water. She's not stopped watching the water since.

Loyal: "Alright, there's a room, a hallway or something."

GM: I love how you're just muttering to yourself the whole way.

Loyal: Yes, he's just like, "Oh fuck I don't like this."

Morana: "And the betting ledger for the possibility of horrific accidents is now open, taking bets at a rate of 5 to 1."

Loyal: "So what's the plan here? So was the goal, you distract them or- and then I'd swim over or what's the goal?"

Taury: "You just worry about your thing." [Laughs]

Loyal: "I don't know what my thing is right now!"

Taury: "Well, I can't see what you're talking about."

Loyal: "Oh my god."

Taury: "It's just there's a shorter gap right between where you are now and the thingy?"

Loyal: "It's about the same, actually it's longer here. From your end, it's about four squares, up here it's like 5."

Taury: "Oh, I can see that."

Loyal: "I guess like ah yeah it's. Actually, I have an idea."

Taury: What's your actual swim like, is your swim any good? 

Loyal: Ah I mean it's +5 now, so it's a 4, +4, instead of -1 'cause of the poison.

Taury: That's not bad. Not great but it's not bad.

Loyal: Could be worse.

Loyal: Do I know if sun rods continue to glow underwater?

GM: They do.

Loyal: Cool, I'll pop a sun rod and throw it in the water.

GM: Where are you throwing it at?

Loyal: Well, I want to try to throw it into the middle of the pool there. My intention or possibly us to see its shadow or something.

GM: Alright, the water's pretty clear, not murky and silty, so you do see the creature as you illuminate the depths of the water, and you also get a good gauge for how deep this is. It seems to be waiting at the bottom, which is 10 feet down.

Loyal: That's not actually that deep.

Fenwarin: Knew it was waiting.

Loyal: Yeah, it was fucking waiting.

Taury: Bet you it has like, it has some kind of fucking like charge thing where you fucking jump into water and it goes straight up and fucking eats you.

Loyal: Probably yeah.

Fenwarin: Just pincers you.

Loyal: Yeah.

Taury: Uh huh, skewers.

Loyal: Dead.

Fenwarin: Mhh, yeah.

Loyal: Alright well, they probably see that now because things are illuminated. Does it react to the illumination or no?

GM: It does. It seems to be a little startled by it as the torch sinks slowly to the bottom, as soon as it hits the floor next to it, it reaches out a claw and snaps it in half, breaking it, and the light goes out.

Loyal: Well, I saw where it was for a bit. Do I know if these things can see in the dark? I assume they can, but?

GM: You are not positive.

Taury: Well, it broke the light, didn't it?

Loyal: That's a good point.

Taury: Did it do it because it knew it was a light or did it just do it because it was a thing?

Loyal: Maybe both I don't know?

Taury: Because are they, they're not intelligent are they, or are they?

Loyal: No, they're more intelligent than most bestial creatures.

Taury: Oh, that was it, they were intelligent.

Markus: They're intelligent, but rely on instinct.

Taury: Yes, so they're like not.

Loyal: Ok, rely on instinct.

Taury: So it could have just hit it because it was a thing in front of it rather than-

Loyal: I have an idea. Are there any- is there like a corpse or a skeleton right there? 'Cause there's something on the map.

GM: Hmm. No, it's a bit of rubble.

Loyal: I have an idea, Gonna move back over. "Ok. I need that goblin corpse." Does anyone go to get the goblin corpse or do I have to go get it?

Fenwarin: Who did you whisper that to?

Loyal: The group.

Taury: You're getting a very resigned look from Taury, like it's side eye because she's watching the-

Fenwarin: Yeah Fenwarin whispers back "I can attempt to bring it yeah." Is it a strength check?

Loyal: It's a goblin corpse, I don't think they're that heavy yeah.

Taury: I think you could just drag it, you don't need to lift it.

Fenwarin: Well, I just had to make sure.

Taury: Hey, maybe you could drag on it, get it? 'Cause dragon. [Chuckles]

Markus: Yes well done.

Loyal: Bad, bad, bad, bad Runty.

Fenwarin: Yeah very bad Runty.

Taury: Well, that's my fucking brand ok, listen.

Fenwarin: So Furtive, do I just drag it over no problem?

GM: Yeah.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Loyal: "Ok, I need someone to go over that other side that I was at, and on my command, throw the goblin corpse into the water."

Fenwarin: "I think I've done my duty right now."

Taury: Yeah Taury, will just walk forward, grab the corpse throw it over like one shoulder, walks over there.

Fenwarin: No issues. [Laughs]

Taury: No, literally no issue.

Loyal: Is my super swim ability still active?

Taury: Is that a fricking- what's that on the fucking map just now?

GM: Taury, as you get there, you see some movement in the shadows.

Loyal: Ah shit!

GM: Seems that something has come to investigate the light that suddenly appeared and then disappeared.

Taury: Uh huh, because it looks, it looks like a goblin from here.

Fenwarin: Oh, come on.

GM: Very possible what it is.

Loyal: I see it, I see that now. "Alright improvise, we shove the goblins in." [Laughs]

Taury: Alrighty, can I attempt to quietly approach said goblin without being seen or heard?

GM: That is the definition of a stealth check.

Morana: Yeah.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: Alright. [Laughs] I'm going to try to throughout every session to phrase it in a way where he doesn't make me roll a stealth check.

Loyal: Here we go.

Fenwarin: Yeah come on clanky Taury!

Taury: [Laughs] Alright.

Fenwarin: Whoa! 

Taury: Oh hell yeah son!

Fenwarin: Wow!

Loyal: That's pretty good! That's pretty good! 18's pretty good. 19-1.

Taury: Somehow the corpse made her like, steadier on her feet or some shit.

GM: Yeah, that's how corpses work. "What's that?!"

Fenwarin: Oh!

Loyal: Oh! There's another one.

GM: "Shhhh, shhh said something make sounds, shhh."... "I can't hear anything!"..."I heard, I heard, yes."

Taury: She's going to continue walking stealthily.

GM: "Hello?!"

Markus: How audible would these voices be?

GM: Perception check. Markus, you hear faint whispers... "There's no noise, no, it's, it's all gone."

Taury: Alright question, since they're small. Is it possible to grab both of them at the same time? 

Loyal: [Laughs] I love it!

Fenwarin: Woah!

GM: I like where your idea is at, tell me more and maybe.

Taury: Because she's going to run up, grab both of them by an arm or the back of their neck, and throw them into the water. 

Loyal: Yeet them into the water.

Taury: Yeah.

Fenwarin: Yeet! [Laughs]

Taury: Yeah, if possible, one on like one side of the water and one on like the other side.

Morana: I have another idea.

Markus: Well, in the meantime, Markus will be making fingers on lips, gestures to everyone. 

Morana: Taury is at the end of whatever hallway they're coming down, right, or whatever?

Taury: Ooh, she's just a square away from it, because she hasn't gone to the corner where they are.

Morana: Because what I'm thinking of doing...

Loyal: Do you have a thing that can push them?

Morana: Hit a stone with a light cantrip and toss it over to the island. Use that as a distraction to draw them out.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Taury: Maybe, but I'm thinking feed them to the thing, grab the shit and fucking run.

Morana: Yeah. When they come out looking for whatever threw the rock across the water, whatever's causing the light on the island, they come to the edge of the water, you step out, bop them in the back, they fall in the water, Bob's your uncle, they get eaten, we get the chest to get the fuck out!

Loyal: Boom! Sounds like a plan. 

Fenwarin: I love it.

Taury: I mean, maybe. Well did you answer whether or not I can grab two things at once Furtive? 

GM: Of course I didn't.

Taury: Yeah no, I'm asking you to now.[Laughs] Assuming I put the corpse on the ground, is that something I can do?

Morana: Oh damn if only you were still over here, I could have light cantripped the corpse.

Taury: [Lauhs]

Morana: Damn it!

GM: Alright, this goes into more of a discussion than a simple yes or no. 

Taury: Yeah. 

GM: Rule of cool, sure no problem I like where your head's at. Strict rules, no there's a specific feat that lets you grapple two creatures at once and because of that, I am going to say no, but I'm not going to prevent you from trying and we'll see what happens.

Taury: Well, when you say it like that, I'm gonna do Savage's plan.

GM: This is why I prefer not to answer such questions, I want to see what you attempt to do instead.

Taury: Well I would rather that work out than me run in there and get killed by two goblins. [Laughs] It's not likely to happen, but it's possible.

GM: And I being unbiased, don't care which way you go, because it won't matter, ultimately.

Taury: You're you're going to die anyway.

GM: Ha ha ha! I mean, Ha ha ha!

Taury: Benevolent GM. He jokes.

Loyal: This is revenge for earlier.

Fenwarin: That was a benevolent laugh yeah.

Loyal: Which plan are we doing because I know what I'm doing this plan, just swimming over, grabbing the stuff out of the chest and just swimming back over.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Well to grab them, it would be what? Combat maneuver would be two combat maneuvers, 1 combat maneuver?

GM: Combat maneuver yes.

Taury: Yeah and then depending on how successful that would be, you decide whatever?

GM: We'll see what happens.

Taury: Mm hmm. I just want to see if I can do it because it's fun. It's the thing.

Markus: Why don't you go for it for then?

Taury: I'm just like now, why not? Yeah, fuck it! Fuck it! Doing it!

Loyal: Do it.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Loyal: I can't technically see right now you're on the edge of my vision.

Taury: Yeah. Running at 'em, grabbing em, and fucking 'em into the water. 

Loyal: Do it.

Taury: Why not? So I'm presuming I will run first and combat maneuver yeah?

GM: Yeah, give me a combat maneuver, CMB.

Taury: Mm hmm. Oh of all the times, of all the times, my combat maneuver.

Loyal: Is there a bonus from attacking stealth, essentially? 

Taury: Well they're not expecting it. 

Loyal: I mean yeah I'm saying that might do something.

Taury: They're 100 percent not expecting that.

Loyal: Actually probably in affect that'd be considered flat footed.

GM: That will succeed.

Fenwarin: Ooh!

Loyal: Nice! Yes! Fuck you goblin! [Laughs] I love this plan.

GM: So this goblin was rounding the corner as you stepped up and grab him.

Taury: And just yeah, back of the neck, fucking uses his own momentum to throw him into the water as far as possible.

GM: Alright, give me a strength roll.

Taury: Yeah, I'll do that.

Fenwarin: Come on!

Loyal: Do it, fucking do it!

Fenwarin: Fucking yeet him cross the fucking-!

Loyal: Yeet him fucking yeet him! [Laughs]

Taury: Well I want to throw him up what? This direction because you're down here?

Loyal: You probably want to throw him in like I mean, I'm swimming like straight across here, so you probably want to throw him like here-ish.

Taury: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it will be up that, will probably as far of this direction as possible. 

Loyal: Yeah that works.

Taury: Alrighty. Watch this strength check be amazing. Maybe? ... Hey!

Loyal: Nice!

Fenwarin: Ooh! 

Loyal: Hell yeah!

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: He didn't know if his friend got thrown into the water or not?!

Fenwarin: Holy shit!

GM: Alright, you grab him and throw him out into the middle of this pond, and the other goblin that was his backup freaks out, screams and runs away.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: I'll take that.

Loyal: Anyways, seeing the goblin get- once the goblin hits the water essentially and I see him just kind of struggling. I'm gonna fucking dive for it... Go!

Fenwarin: [Laughs] Holy shit!

Loyal: This is gonna be a swim check yeah?

GM: Yeah.

Loyal: With my temporary +5.

Taury: With your +5?

Loyal: Yeah I'll add that into the actual pool.

Taury: Oh man if you drown right now! 

Fenwarin: Come on now, come on now Colin!

Taury: Come on! You can do it Otto!

Fenwarin: What the hell?

Taury: Well, it's 7 plus 5, or is that the 5 already added?

Loyal: That I already added.

Taury: Oh fuck! 

GM: Alright, you need a minimum of 10 to get any progress, so you're treading water. 

Fenwarin: Oh man!

Loyal: Ah! Why did I do this?!

GM: You would begin drowning but you can breathe the water right now.

Loyal: I can breathe water. We're good.

Fenwarin: That's a good call at least.

Markus: Technically, you might find it easier to literally just sink to the bottom, walk along the bottom and climb up the other side. 

Loyal: I'm gonna walk, but it's slower though.

Taury: Oh, I don't know then it's slower, he's in there longer, it takes like more time to find him.

Loyal: My goal is to be in there as little as possible.

Markus: I said easier, I didn't necessarily say it will be a brilliant idea.

Taury: Better? Yeah fair enough.

GM: Give me another swim check.

Taury: Come on!

Fenwarin: Come on now... Yeah. 

Taury: Hey!

Loyal: That's better, that's better.

Taury: Them's the rolls we're looking for.

GM: You can move half your speed.

Loyal: 15.

Fenwarin: Wow!

Loyal: Where's the chest?!

GM: Alright, the chest is against the wall right back here.

Loyal: I'd like to check it for traps.

GM: Yeah, that's a perception check...

Fenwarin: Come on!

GM: It does not appear to be trapped.

Loyal: Cool, in that case then I will open the chest.

GM: Alright, you open the chest and see a velvet lined chest. 

Fenwarin: Wow. 

GM: The size of it is long enough to store a sword and some other things. There is an obvious mark where a sword used to be in here. There is no sword. However, there are 2 potion vials, one of invisibility, one of levitate, they are labeled, and a small bag of 175 gold pieces.

Loyal: Oh yeah.

Fenwarin: Ooh yeah! That's what we need. 

Loyal: Grab what we need.

Taury: Oh, hell yeah son!

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Loyal: "Alright. Cover me I'm coming back."

Taury: "Hold on a second, hold on a second."

Loyal: "What?"

Taury: "How far has that goblin run away?"

Loyal: [Laughs] 

GM: Are you trying to chase it?

Taury: Well, my question is, while he would have been opening the chest, probably might have followed it, unless it legged it.

GM: It legged it.

Taury: Like, unreachable to Taury because of my shit running speed that I have?

Loyal: Throw the corpse in quickly.

GM: That's what you see as you round the corner trying to chase it and it's already out of sight.

Taury: Alright cool then yeah, going back to the corpse.

Loyal: I'm just trying to get back as fast as possible.

Taury: Uh huh, uh huh.

GM: Alright, as you come back into the chamber with the pool, you see Loyal getting back into the water.

Loyal: Jump in and swim across.

Taury: Well, the corpse was there when I dropped it.

GM: Yeah alright. Loyal, give me a swim check.

Fenwarin: Yeah!

Taury: Oh fuck yes!

Loyal: Oh hell yeah.

GM: You can move 15 feet.

Loyal: Almost out! I'm so close.

Fenwarin: And then you're just grabbed at the end.

Loyal: That's what's going to happen! That's exactly what is going to fucking happen right here.

Fenwarin: You just hear du na, du na, du na [Jaws theme] snapped!

Taury: Oh man.

GM: Loyal is swimming as fast as he can across this channel.

Fenwarin: Jesus.

GM: [Laughs] What are you doing Taury?

Taury: Throwing the corpse.

GM: Alright.

Taury: Pretty much this direction again.

GM: Give me a strength check.

Taury: Alrighty.

Fenwarin: Come on!  

Loyal: What's happened to the other corpse by now?

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: Oh, it was eaten. It ate the other one. 

Loyal: Yeah I assume it was gone.

Taury: Like it got a red X and then it disappeared off the map, so I think it ate it.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: There's just blood everywhere.

Fenwarin: It got snapped in half or something.

GM: There's a splash Loyal behind you.

Loyal: Yeah. 

Fenwarin: Oh man! 

GM: As Taury throws the-

Loyal: Fuck oh fuck! [Laughs]

GM: [Laughs] As Taury throws the corpse into the water, it splashes, starts to sink and then you see a churn of water right next to it.

Loyal: "Pull me out! Pull pull me out!

Fenwarin: "Yeah, I just grab you!"

GM: Loyal, you make it back to land safely.

Loyal: "How did that fucking work?" he says with his head in his hands like "Jesus Christ, that worked?!"

Taury: You just get these like, thumbs up from Taury, like across the water.

Loyal: "Alright well, I got the potions, there used to be a sword in there, and also a lot of gold."

Fenwarin: "What you've said, there used to be a sword there?"

Loyal: "It looked like there was the space for sword, there's no sword any more. Nonetheless, shall we move on?"

Fenwarin: "I guess we should."

Loyal: "Do you want to go back to the way we came or?"

Taury: "Well, there was a second goblin it ran, ran west."

Loyal: "Seems the only place to go from here anyway."

Taury: "Are we going forwards?"

Markus: "Seems that way."

Taury: Yeah, Taury's gonna walk back this way. Presumably you're all going to follow?

Fenwarin: Yup.

Loyal: Keeping an eye on the water.

Taury: Just checking, just checking.

Loyal: Keeping an eye on the water.

Taury: Uh huh, oh yeah constantly, eyes on the water.

Loyal: But the goblins probably know we're coming now.

Taury: That goblin I don't think is coming back. [Laughs]

Loyal: It saw it's friend thrown 15 feet into the water.

Taury: Look, it was a quick and painless death. I would call it a mercy kill, virtually painless. I kind of want to do a perception check.

Loyal: I was about to say, I want to kind of make a perception to see if I hear any goblins ahead.

Taury: Yeah, if there's goblins, if there is, you know, fucking drum beats, a balrog maybe?

Fenwarin: I think we were all thinking that yeah.

GM: Alright. Yes, you do hear them chittering away. Do any of you understand Goblin? I think it's just Markus, right? 

Loyal: I don't.

Fenwarin: Nope, nope.

Markus: I understand Goblin.

Loyal: "What are they saying?"

GM: Alright Markus, are you rolling perception as well? 

Markus: Oh yeah...Nah.

Fenwarin: Oof.

Morana: Man these dice today! 

Taury: So many. So many crit fails.

Loyal: This natural 1, gets 11.

Fenwarin: Yeah, wow.

Taury: Well put it this way, at least they're perception checks and they're not, you know, us getting eaten by that fucking dragon thing.

Loyal: Eaten by a reef claw.

Fenwarin: A getting eaten check. Yeah. [Laughs]

Taury: Roll for tastiness.

GM: Alright, Markus, you can hear their agitated speech going on but, too many of them are talking at once for you to sort out and translate what's happening.

Loyal: I think we have a gist of people attacked us, probably.

Markus: Well, they were arguing before, so it has. Have they actually changed arguments?

Taury: Yeah, are they still animatedly talking or are they just the same as earlier or? 

GM: Yes, it is still very excited arguments going on.

Loyal: Probably just the subject has changed about what they're arguing over now.

Fenwarin: Yeah probably.

Taury: Yeah like, "I swear to God, I saw something in the dark throw Michael over the fucking thing!" [Laughs]

Fenwarin: My buddy just flew when it the water.

Taury: And they're like, "Shut up Derick! Shut the fuck up ok?"

Fenwarin: Derick?! [Laughs].

Loyal: Michael and Derick the goblins. [Laughs]

Taury: Uh huh. Alright what direction they're coming from? Presumably south.

Fenwarin: Or west.

Taury: Or west... Oh. I sees 'em.

Fenwarin: Oh, you spotted them? Ok.

Loyal: Uh, I don't.

Taury: I would like for the record to state that I was approaching someone stealthily.

GM: Roll stealth then.

Taury: Great, great. Stealthily, but in a very scary way, like I could also throw both of them in the water.

Fenwarin: Scary sneak!

Markus: Was that a general roll stealth or just for Taury?

Taury: Oh it was just me 'cause I said it. Yeah [Laughs].

Fenwarin: Wow.

Loyal: [Laughs] There's the good old Taury stealth we like.

Fenwarin: Did you just fall down?

Taury: Oh wow! Wow! Wow!

Loyal: Some so many natural ones!

Morana: "[Shouting] GUYS! I'M SNEAKING THIS WAY!"

All: [Laughs]

Loyal: So many natural 1's this session! God.

Taury: I like to imagine it's more like turning around and going.

Fenwarin: Yeah, she shouted that and then she fell down just blank.

Taury: Yeah, you got to be very, very quiet.

GM: Oh, it's so much funnier than that, you rolled a zero as your result.

Fenwarin: Oh, no.

Taury: A zero plus one.

GM: You are not, you are not noticed.

Fenwarin: What?!

Loyal: I'm sorry?!

Taury: What?!

GM: Because of the the discussion that is going on in Goblin, in this chamber, the only one facing your direction is the Goblin King. King Fat Mouth, and he is too distracted by his minions to notice you.

All:  [Laugh]

Taury: Oh, that's so good, that's so good.

Fenwarin: Wow!

Loyal: Yes, surprise round!

Fenwarin: You succeeded with a zero?!

GM: Because of distance.

Taury: I love it, I love it!

Loyal: Not sure how to feel.

Fenwarin: I'm just so surprised.

Taury: I love it. You know what that is? That's just for the cool points of throwing a fucking goblin into a fucking thing. That's what that is.

Loyal: To be eaten by a sea monster.

Taury: Uh huh, that's, that's karma for you.

Fenwarin: It's a hidden bonus of 10 because of that.

Taury: Yeah. Yeah. She got the shimmering glow of like, bad ass-ery. Alright. well, Taury will do the like you know, combat pointing, points towards 'em, counts 'em, shows up her fingers to the to the guys behind her.

Loyal: Cool.

Loyal: How many fingers, I'm curious how much we're up against?

Taury: I'll have to take another step forward to do that.

Loyal: Ok. Anyway regardless.

Taury: Three that she can see.

Markus: There should be at least one more.

Taury: Well, I could see two before, and then taking a step forward I saw three so.

Loyal: Well we might we might have killed one more. 

Markus: I thought there were five?

Taury: We killed one because he ran up this direction.

Markus: We killed one.

Loyal: Killed one so yeah, I guess there's four.

Taury: I don't know, they're going to be dead in a minute, so it's not going to matter.

Loyal: Surprise round question mark? I don't know if that's a thing in pathfindr, it probably is.

Taury: Well, we haven't attacked yet.

Fenwarin: Is it like a bull rush or something?

Taury: We'd have to attack them first for it to be a surprise.

Loyal: I mean yeah. Initiate combat essentially.

Fenwarin: It would be flat footed too so that would be like ooh.

Loyal: Oh yeah, we'd have a- we'd be fucking ready.

Taury: So what are we doing? Are we like- am I signaling to you guys to be like, we're going to charge, And then we're all going to attack the exact same time?

Loyal: I mean yeah that's a surprise round.

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: That's a surprise attack. 

Taury: Cool.

Fenwarin: Love it.

Loyal: This is the first time we've actually actively gotten a surprise attack off.

Taury: Yeah. So I'm a fucking shoot at this guy. Alright, we make an attack roll is that was happening?

GM: Roll it.

Taury: I don't like this I don't like this at all. Far too confident about this.

Loyal: Do it, flat-footed...

Fenwarin: That's not bad I mean, that's flat-footed.

Loyal: Flat-footed I mean yeah.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Listen, I'll take it.

Fenwarin: You should take it yeah.

Taury: If it hits.

Loyal: Oh, nice.

Taury: Yes.

GM: You fire your arrow right into the back of this little goblin's head. He falls forward dead, and the other goblins turn and see you with your bow still up. What would you like to do?

Morana: Now would be an opportune moment for intimidate if you have it.

Taury: I know that's what I was going to do. That's exactly what I was going to do.

Fenwarin: Oh that is so badass!

Loyal: Fucking do it.

Taury: I'm just trying to think, of like what would be like a fucking sick thing to say right?

Fenwarin: I just picture Taury just do a barbaric yawp or something?

Taury: I think just a roar or like a battle cry.

Fenwarin: Yeah, exactly.

Taury: That's what's happening.

Fenwarin: It'll like scare the shit out of them!

Taury: Yeah, it's definitely a battle cry, for sure, I'll roll that intimidate.

Fenwarin: Wow! Shit! 

Loyal: Sick!

Taury: 25!

Loyal: Hell, yeah!

Taury: 25, I don't know if they-

GM: Just shy of a nat 20.

Loyal: Oh yeah.

GM: 19 on the die.

Loyal: Cool.

GM: Sees King Fat Mouth drop to his knees in terror as the other two don't even have a chance to, like, process what just happened. They literally just run away.

Loyal: [Laughs] Yes.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

GM: No pause, no talk, just leave.

Taury: These goblins are having a bad day.

Loyal: Not a great day for them.

Fenwarin: [Laughs] That's the least of it.

Taury: [Laughs] but at least they didn't get thrown into a fucking sea creature.

Markus: Well.

Loyal: We could threaten them with that, that's how we kill the king. [Laughs]

Taury: Oh man, is the king still there?

GM: Yeah. 

Taury: Is anyone else still there? 

Loyal: Can we grab the king say, "Long live the king." And throw him in the water?

Taury: I kind of want to throw him in the water, I really do.

Loyal: Let's get some information first. 

Fenwarin: Was, was that a Scar moment? [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah, long live the king.

Taury: Alright. Oh, there he is.

GM: Alright, the walls of this large cavern are covered with crude drawings of goblins. In the southwest corner is a throne made from animal bones where the king is now kneeling in front of it, completely defeated. The goblin is wearing a crown of bones and feathers. What are you doing, Taury, as you approach the king?

Taury: Ooh. Has he got weapons?

GM: He does not.

Taury: At all, none of 'em?

GM: Nope.

Taury: He's got his like his bone crown thing.

Loyal: Yeah bone feather crown.

Taury: She's going to take that off em.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: I'm hoping he's shaking in like sheer terror.

GM: As you take the crown off of him, he looks up at you and goes, "Why  you take my fancy crown?"

Taury: She just growls at him.

GM: "Ahh."

All: [Laugh]

Markus: Feral Taury.

GM: "You can have crown. Ahh."

Taury: And she just like goes to, you know, that thing where you spook someone, where you they pretend you're going to fucking hit them or something, you know, that's what she does.

Loyal: Oh my god [Laughs] she's such a- she's being such a bully to this goblin right now!

Taury: But she doesn't actually hit him, like just, you know, and then just, you know, like grapples like his arm or whatever to just make sure he's not running anywhere. And then just looks to the rest of the group.

Loyal: I look at the goblin and say, "Where's the dragon, how do we get to it?"

GM: He just shakes his head no.

Loyal: "No, ok."

GM: Like, continuously, he's not stopping. It's not like just a quick no and that's it, he's he's shaking his head. No as if like. No, no, no!

Taury: As, as he's doing that, he's getting like a tighter and tighter squeeze of his arm from Taury.

Loyal: "I'll ask again. Where's the dragon and how do we get to it?"

GM: "Why?"

Loyal: "That's our business. Do you know how to get to the dragon?"

GM: Sense motive check.

Taury: Should we all do that?

GM: If you wish.

Fenwarin: Ok.

Loyal: Oh my god.

GM: Alright. Morana and Loyal see through this little goblin very easily, the rest of you don't actually notice this, as he takes a pause, and then you can see the wheels turning in his head about how he's going to lie to you. And then he just shakes his head no.

Morana: Seeing this, Morana will move over next to Loyal and kind of whisper, "Hand me that, wooden toy that you pulled off of that corpse." 

Loyal: I grab it and hand it to him.

Taury: Oh no, emotional blackmail.

Loyal: Oh no.

Morana: Morana will move over here, no it's probably behind the goblin, isn't it? Will, move over here behind Taury. Hold it up, and I'm going to be rolling a bluff check for this, and you'll have to tell me if it's something believable or not. Will say, "If you don't tell us, I will destroy this, and bring the curse of the dragon upon you, for the rest of your days."

Loyal: I love it.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Loyal: I love it.

Taury: I love it so much.

Loyal: Bullying this goblin.

Taury: If this works, this might be the best thing we've ever done. This session.

GM: Seeing the toy, there's a spark of recognition in his eyes as he goes, "You?! You killed Bucktooth!"

Morana: "Hmm, you say that as though it were difficult."

GM: Roll me an intimidation.

Morana: Not my best but oh, wait actually.

Loyal: [Laughs] That's pretty good.

Fenwarin: Nice.

Taury: Nice.

Morana: And she just- Morana just quietly says, "You can join them if you'd like."

GM: "I can still be King?" [Cries]

All: [Laugh]

Morana: "There are no kings in the afterlife."

GM: And he passes out.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Woah! [Laughs]

Taury: Has he also wet himself? [Laughs]

GM: I will roll a percentile.

Taury: Oh wow!

Fenwarin: Holy. [Laughs]

GM: He does, he does wet himself.

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: Being a quote and unquote king, is there like a stash of his like kingly treasures somewhere?

GM: Directly behind the throne yes, there is a pile of stuff.

Loyal: Yeah, pile of stuff.

GM: Uh hmm.

Loyal: What's in the stuff?

GM: There are three pearls, a wand, a gold ring, and 422 gold pieces.

Fenwarin: Woah!

Loyal: 4 G's.

Taury: Wow!

Loyal: Alright ok. I'm doing some math real quick.

Fenwarin: Man, the treasure trove.

Taury: Do share the math with the rest of the class. For those of us that can't do it. 

Loyal: I just divide by- it's 422 divided by 5 is 84.4, so it's like eighty four gold to everyone and then an extra.

Fenwarin: Sweet.

Taury: Nice.

Loyal: I'll toss the extra to Taury and will be like "the extra's for the impressive performance."

Taury: What you shoot that to Taury?

Loyal: Yeah, the extra gold piece.

Taury: Yay!

Loyal: [Laughs] You get 85 instead of 84!

Taury: Yay!

Markus: Did you split the 175 you found before?

Loyal: I just had it on me, I haven't split it up yet. If you'd like I can. Just 'cause I was, put it in my pocket and run. So let me do that real quick.

Taury: Taury probably like one handedly catches the coin, puts it in her pocket.

Loyal: The 175 is 35 for everyone. And there's another wand, I'm like, "Another one of these things, they're kind of everywhere." I had the wand to Fenwarin.

Fenwarin: "Hmmm, well, I'll try and identify it." It's arcana or spellcraft?

GM: Yes. 

Fenwarin: Ok... Oof!

Loyal: Aaah. Still 12, it's still 12.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: It's a wand, I guess maybe?

Fenwarin: Yeah it's a wand. [Laughs]

Loyal: It's a cool stick.

Fenwarin: I guess.

GM: You're not sure what magic this has in it.

Fenwarin: "Damn."

Markus: "Need someone else to have a look?"

Fenwarin: "Yes, please."

Loyal: Meanwhile, I want to see if I can appraise the pearls in the ring.

Fenwarin: Nice.

GM: Markus, this is a wand of cure light wounds.

Loyal: Ooh.

Markus: Ok.

Fenwarin: Hey!

GM: It has 9 charges. 

Taury: Oh nice. 

Loyal: Hell yeah.

Fenwarin: 9 charges?

GM: Yes.

Fenwarin: Cool. Nine! [German accent] 

Taury: Nine! [Laughs] Mandatory.

Fenwarin: "Thank you, Markus."

Loyal: That's perfect yeah.

Markus: "Well, Fenwarin, can you use this?"

GM: If you have cure light wounds on your spell list, as in it is a spell that your character could learn and cast, else, you have to use a use magic device check.

Loyal: So out of curiosity, with the cure light wounds, I have it on my formulae list does that count?

GM: It does.

Loyal: Ok, so I can use it?

Markus: So can Markus and so can Morana I think?

Taury: I can, I can read it as well yeah.

Loyal: Taury, I imagine Taury can also use it yeah?

Markus: Yes ok.

Taury: I can also use that.

GM: Everyone but Fenwarin. Awesome.

Taury: Oh, just like dark vision.

All: [Laugh]

Fenwarin: Yes, and everyone is human right?

Taury: What are you talking about? I'm human.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Morana: I'm human.

Loyal: After all.

Taury: Why would you say that in such a tone of doubt?

Loyal: Yeah, I'm a human who has fire resistance, that has been used multiple times as well.

Fenwarin: Yes, and you're green hmm.

Markus: And your tail and detects as fiend and-

Taury: Yeah.

Loyal: I don't know what you're talking about. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Yeah. [Laughs]

Taury: Yeah but listen, humans growl, it's fine.

Fenwarin: "Ah yeah, so who wants to wand?"

Markus: "I could certainly could make use of it. And suggest someone taking a supporting roll would generally be better for it, but."

Taury: Yeah Taury doesn't need it to heal herself, and she's not going to be able to heal any of you guys really.

Loyal: "I tend to be on the- try to be on the supporting side for things. I could use to if you'd like. Though I do have access to healing and it might be smart to spread out the healing across multiple people if need be."

Markus: "I don't generally prepare healing spells, so."

Loyal: "That's fair."

Fenwarin: "Yeah, yeah I'm just going to hand the wand over to Markus."

Loyal: Can I try and appraise this ring and the pearls that I found?

GM: Yes. Alright, you know that these pearls, all three of them are worth 100 gold each.

Loyal: Oof!

Fenwarin: Wow!

Loyal: Jeez.

GM: And you know that this ring is really nice.

Loyal: [Typing] Cost: really nice.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Markus: Detect magic on the ring.

GM: It is magical.

Loyal: Oh hell yeah! Nice, hell yeah!

Taury: Oh! No ways, I'm so surprised.

Markus: Knowledge arcana to identify.

GM: Sure.

Loyal: I'll try as well, I'm actually trained in this.

Fenwarin: Yeah same here.

Markus: Nyeh.

Taury: Nice.

GM: Loyal, you now identify this ring as a ring of protection +1.

Loyal: Nice! 

Fenwarin: Wow!

GM: Fenwarin, you also realize this.

Loyal: There's so much stuff here!

Fenwarin: "Nice, that is a very good ring."

Loyal: I kind of like look over Taury as like, "It should probably go to her." I just put cost, really nice. "Who do you think could make use of this the most?"

Morana: "What is it, I'm not quite certain."

Loyal: "Grants additional protection." I assume, is a ring of protection just to AC? .

Fenwarin: Would it be better for those that can't increase AC by wearing armor?

Loyal: Yes, I was about to say like the question is, do we want to give it to someone who is already front line and is actively taking hits. Or do we want to give it to someone who's the less armored for the for a little bit of additional defense?

Fenwarin: I'm just going to put out there that I have AC of 14.

Loyal: Mine is 15 when my dex isn't damaged like it is right now.

Fenwarin: Oh yeah yeah.

Markus: Given what we're potentially facing in these caverns, 1 or 2 points of AC can make a big difference sometimes for frontline fighters.

Taury: Well, my AC is 17.

Loyal: Would be pretty nice to bump her up to 18.

Taury: So I'll go with whatever you guys decide.

Fenwarin: Yeah, that's a nice AC yeah.

Taury: It's decent, I think the, there's been one or two things, mostly the Sinspawn wasn't it? Had like 22 hits in that, but for the most part I tend not to get hit with shit. But no, that's not me saying I wouldn't take it gladly! [Laughs] You know.

Markus: Yeah, just bear in mind, we've been fighting low level foes that are designed for- 

Taury: Ok I know. 

Markus: Yeah. If there's a dragon that might well be able to hit you fairly easily and might be having multiple attacks, depending on how big and old it is.

Taury: I love how you say if there's a dragon. You mean there is a dragon. [Laughs]

Loyal: I mean. [Laughs]

Markus: There is a thing that the goblins called a dragon.

Loyal: That's true.

Markus: Which may or may not be a dragon, 'cause goblins. [Laughs]

Taury: Listen, listen, it's a dragon. 

Loyal: It seems like so far it kind of seems like the consensus is it's going to Taury.

Markus: I wouldn't be surprised, but. 

Morana: I would say it should to go to her as well.  

Fenwarin: For what, we're probably about to come up against, yeah.

Loyal: Yeah, Taury, I kind of since I guess I was holding it, Taury, I kind of like toss it to her.

Taury: Yeah catches it one handed.

Fenwarin: Like a boss!

Taury: Yeah. Can I appraise the crown just for the lols?

All: [Laugh]

Loyal: That should be worth like two thousand gold.

GM: Certainly.

Fenwarin: No way!

Loyal: Masterwork crown.

Taury: Watch it's made of, like yeah dragon bones or something. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Dragon bones. [Laughs]

Loyal: Ancient ancient dragon bone.

Fenwarin: And ah, dodo feathers  [Laughs]

Taury: Yeah, yeah.

GM: It's practically worthless.

Taury: Yup, yup.

Loyal: About what I expected. "So now that we've taken everything, I guess, other than the crown, there's probably nothing on the actual goblin himself yeah?"

Morana: "Search him, let's find out."

Loyal: "Yeah." Search the goblin.

Taury: Oh, yeah, Taury would have let him go once he like collapsed.

GM: Alright, the one that you killed has leather armor, a light wooden shield, a short sword and a belt pouch containing two gold. King Fat Mouth has a short sword, his fancy goblin crown, which you've already taken and 4 pickles.

Loyal: [Laugh] pickles?!

Markus: Ok. 

Loyal: "So what do you want to do this goblin now?"

Morana: "Well I'd suggest tying him up in case he wakes up."

Loyal: "That's true. Definitely don't want to just leave them here."

Taury: "Is there much need to keep him alive?"

Morana: "Well, if there is a dragon and they seem amenable we could feed him to it."

Taury: "Fair."

Loyal: "It's not an awful idea."

Taury: "Well, I'm not carrying him." And she looks at like the piss puddle on the floor.

Loyal: "I have an idea." I essentially tie him up and kind of like put him on a rope like a leash.

Morana: "Tie a rope to his ankle and drag him with us."

Loyal: "There we go." I just kind of like hand the rope to whoever wants it.

Taury: I'm pretty sure that's going to get left to Loyal.

Morana: You look at Morana and she looks at you like you've lost any scruples you might have had.

Loyal: I start dragging the goblin. 

All: [Laugh] 

Fenwarin: There you go.

Taury: I love the way you treat Loyal like an intern.

All: [Laugh]

Taury: He's like every suggestion he has, we're like "Oh god."

Loyal: [Laughs] 

Morana: Oh no, she'd give any- she'd give anybody that look.

Taury: Oh man, so we've got a pet goblin to add to our inventory?

Markus: "Is that really necessary?"

Loyal: "I don't know. What you want to do with it?"

Markus: "We let the others run off." 

Loyal: "That's fair."

Markus: "I didn't see anyone go chasing after them, so?" 

Morana: "Again, and let me state this, you know, flat out, if there is a dragon and well, technically it would come more into play if it did not seem amenable. And we need to leave expeditiously. We can feed him to it, which will give us the chance to leave expeditiously."

Loyal: "Hearing what Markus said that could be a bit cruel actually, but?"

Taury: "I'm rather more on Morana's side. I don't see the reason in letting it go."

Morana: "It's a goblin, if you let it go, it will find more goblins and possibly lead them to attack a settlement. It's what they do."

Loyal: "That's true actually. Yeah, goblins are goblins."

Taury: "You had no objections to us feeding the other goblin to the creature in the water."

Loyal: "Well originally I thought it was going to be a corpse, but then."

Taury: "Yes well, things change."

Markus: "Feeding a corpse and feeding a live goblin are very different."

Taury: "I fed a live goblin, I think I would know."

Morana: "I'm sure dragons prefer fresh food."

Taury: "Yes, it's quite the fun in playing with it."

Fenwarin: "And also, it's a goblin."

Loyal: "Regardless, whatever you guys want to do." And I drop the rope, start walking over to see what's up ahead... "Oh."

GM: In front of you is a 20 foot cliff.

Taury: Great, more teamwork.

Loyal: Cool.

GM: To get to the next area, you'll have to climb it.

Fenwarin: Oh, yeah.

GM: Roll 20 does not do elevation changes.

Loyal: Yeah, I can see that. [Laughs] I can see what's there! I don't know that, but looking at the cliff, "What do I have I can help with the cliff?" I just start digging through my bag.

Morana: "Rope, perhaps?"

Loyal: "It's around the goblin."

Taury: "I have rope." And very lazily Taury pulls out the rope that she has and throws it to Loyal.

Loyal: Grabs the rope. "Um it's 20 feet up, I don't have a grappling hook, unfortunately."

GM: You can hear faint shuffling at the top of the cliff.

Loyal: "Well there's movement at the top of the cliff, so not really sure what that is."

Morana: "Well, you know what seems awfully convenient, there was the chest in the last room, had certain things in it, one of them might be useful for getting to the top of a 20 foot cliff."

Loyal: "Are you talking about the cliff with, on the island, with the reef claw? 

Morana: "I'm talking hmm."

Loyal: "Which chest? That's the only chest I know about."

Morana: "Yes! The one you swam for."

Loyal: "Not really not really keen on swimming for it again."

Fenwarin: "No"[laughs].

Morana: "Did you not get everything out of the chest?"

Loyal: "Yes, I took I took everything."

Taury: Out of character he's talking about the levitation potion. 

Loyal: Oh!

All: [Laugh]

Taury: That's what he's talking about

Loyal: I want to save it.

Morana: Morana is now just staring at you like you've lost whatever sense you had.

Loyal: "Oh that, that was not on my mind, I wish to save it so I could add it to my formulae list later."

Morana: Out of character, how much is a simple levitate potion?

GM: It's a level 1 spell isn't it?

Markus: It's a level 2 spell.

Loyal: Levitate's 2.

GM: It's level 2? Alright, so it's 100 gold.

Morana: "Oh, for the love of I will buy you another one later."

Loyal: "Alright, fair enough". I hand them the levitation potion.

Markus: "Thank you. There are more efficient ways of doing it if you just want it in your formulae, but later."

Morana: "Let's worry about that later, right now we need to get up there."

Markus: "We could always try climbing."

Loyal: "I mean yes, that's always an option."

Morana: Morana looks at the top of the cliff, looks down at herself, looks at the top of the cliff, "That's a good joke."

Taury: [Laughs] "Well, I could always lift you Morana."

Morana: "I was thinking more along the lines of drink potion, levitate, the top tie rope for rest of you."

Markus: "Hmm, well volunteered, that would work and would leave you alone with whatever's moving around up there."

Loyal: "Yeah, there is something moving up there that's an issue."

Morana: "Yeah, that's fair, hmm.”

Markus: "I was wondering why you were volunteering for that. [Laughs] But yeah, certainly as a general plan that would work, frankly having Taury boost, one of us would probably be just as effective."

Taury: "Worked for us before."

Morana: She hands him back the potion and says, "Ah, as you will."

Loyal: Puts the potion away. "How sturdy does that goblin crown look?"

GM: Not sturdy at all.

Loyal: Ok.

Taury: I mean, Taury has put that on her head. She is, in fact wearing it now.

Loyal: [Chuckles] She is the goblin queen.

Taury: Ah huh. 

Loyal: "I guess the simplest way to go up is just to climb, I'm not keen about whatever is up there."

Morana: "That is the other reason that the potion would be an idea, it would keep your hands free, in case you need them for anything."

Loyal: "Yes."

Taury: Can I roll a perception check to see what it is, if I can hear what it is, it's on top of the cliff.

GM: Alright. Just faint shuffling.

Taury: Does it sound like heavy shuffling or like light shuffling?

GM: No.

Taury: "So it's more goblins?"

Fenwarin: "Probably."

Markus: "There was mention of a crypt so?"

Loyal: "Regardless, there is room for two of us to climb up at once, if you'd like?"

Markus: "You volunteering?"

Loyal: "I'm not the best at climbing, but I'm willing to go."

Markus: "Neither am I but."

Taury: Taury has already walked over and starts lifting Loyal. Just picks him up and just lift him towards the cliff.

Loyal: "Ok." And then I'll start climbing up, it's not going to end well.

GM: Climb check.

Loyal: Yeah... ah, could be worse.

GM: This 20 foot high cliff is relatively smooth and climbing it requires the DC 20 climb check.

Loyal: Ah! So I, yup. Doesn't matter!

Fenwarin: Holy shit.

GM: Each successful check allows you to move half your normal speed. Failing by 5 or more means you fall from where you were, you had made no progress so.

Loyal: Ok that's fair.

Taury: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're being held.

Loyal: Oh.

GM: Yeah you're trying to like, scramble up and can't find any handholds or anything so, yeah.

Markus: "Ok."

Loyal: "That's not climbable."

Markus: "Seems Morana's plan might be the appropriate one then?"

Loyal: "Ah potion it is I guess then. That's fine, I can always find another one later."

Taury: Nah, Taury puts you on the ground.

Markus: "Are you going Loyal?"

Loyal: "Um anyone else want to go up? It might be worth sending someone up who can pull us up by a rope if need be, or at least secure a rope quickly."

Markus: "Well, if you want someone that can pull us up, that's really one person."

Loyal: "Yeah, yeah."

Taury: I'm assuming you're all looking at me, you're looking at Taury.

Loyal: Uh huh.

Markus: Yeah. 

Fenwarin: Yeah we are.

Markus: Markus definitely is, yeah.

Taury: Great.

Loyal: Can you lift people when one you're levitating?

GM: If you make a strength check, yes.

Loyal: It might not be a bad idea.

Taury: Can you what now? Can you lift people with it?

Loyal: Lift people, so like you could levitate up and lift me with you, so there's two of us up there.

Taury: Ah, that's, that's adorable imagery.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Loyal: Insert Josh Groban's You raise me up.

Markus: It means you're not going to be alone and it means you could potentially guard Loyal while he's tying off the rope.

Taury: Yeah, because I saw what's on top of that fucking cliff.

Loyal: Yeah, we could see it because the dynamic lighting, but like, we the characters don't know.

Taury: But my character has no idea that's there but knows there's something there. Have you got the potion in your hand or you like handing it?

Loyal: It was put away.

Taury: Right, because just right now, you're all looking at Taury.

Loyal: He's like, "It means you could probably try and lift me up with you if you'd like, that way there's not just you up there."

Taury: "If you don't want to be alone down here with these?"

Loyal: Loyal just kind of like does that nose laugh where he kind of just exhales.

Taury: Yeah a scoff.

Fenwarin: Or snort. [Laughs]

Loyal: Snort. [Laughs]

Taury: "Well, I guess it's been decided then." and she reaches out her hand like waiting for the potion.

Loyal: I take out the potion and give it to her.

Taury: Alright, well Taury gonna drink the potion.

GM: Alright, you can now levitate.

Taury: How long does it last for?

Loyal: It's one minute per level so two minutes.

Taury: Oh, this is going to go one way. So you said I can also oh, I suppose I can carry Loyal?

Loyal: Yeah, you can make a strength check to essentially try and pull me up. I'll take my backpack, just grab essentials like that I need for combat and such, and I'll take my backpack off for this because it's heavy as fuck.

Taury: Alright, well, I'll try and grab him by like, the back of the neck, not his actual neck, his clothing. So that's a strength check yeah?

GM: Yup. 

Taury: Oh I still have a -1 on this. I don't like not having full strength.

GM: Strength checks yeah.

Taury: Ooh.

GM: Alright. Yeah, you can't lift him. Every time you try to lift him, it drops you back down.

Taury: Right. Does Morana look lighter?

Loyal: [Laughs]

GM: Slightly.

Taury: Can I also try and grab Morana?

GM: Sure, strength check.

Taury: Or Fenwarin, who out of the two of them looks lighter, Fenwarin or Morana, which one looks lighter?

GM: Fenwarin looks more lithe, but not necessarily lighter.

Taury: That's not helpful.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

GM: No.

Morana: Is Taury like looking at Morana while she's trying to do this mental calculation?

Taury: Well no no no, this is me doing calculation, I imagine this is like she attempts to grab Loyal, doesn't work, so very quickly then grabbing somebody else. I feel like she probably grabbed Fenwarin. She'd get less resistance from Fenwarin. [Laughs]

Fenwarin: [Laughs] I am pretty light though yeah.

GM: Strength check.

Taury: Well, it's just a look right? 

Fenwarin: It's like gaunt little elf yeah.

Loyal: Elves tend to be lighter yeah.

GM: Same issue.

Fenwarin: Ooh.

Taury: Oh man. 

Loyal: Alright, looks like you're alone on this Taury.

Taury: Alright, I'm on my fucking own, grabbing onto the cliff edge.

Markus: "Take the rope, tie it off."

Taury: Yeah, I'm going to grab the rope from Loyal as obviously I'm going, because imagine if I got stuck at the top without the rope. Yeah, so I get onto this cliff edge I assume?

GM: Yeah, the chamber at the top of the cliff looks like it was once some sort of ceremonial burial chamber, but it's now just a ruin with bones and cobwebs littering the place. A gentle wind blows through, carrying with it the faint sound of something shuffling in the darkness, which you can see obviously. Also at the top of the cliff, the chamber's old musty crypt that was once used to house the honored dead, now however the dead do not rest easy.

Taury: Uh hmm.

Fenwarin: Ooh damn it.

GM: At the top here, you see some adventurers come here before you, there's already a piton hammered into the top of the cliff and a rope tied off to it.

Loyal: That's convenient. [Laughs]

Taury: Nice. Well, super quickly ties the rope to the thing, drops it down to to the rest of the guys. Now presumably those things that are moving, are they moving specifically towards Taury at this point or they're just shambling around the place?

GM: They're just shambling about.

Taury: Cool, cool. 'Cause then she'll reach out like her arm to, like help people get up and then, you know, like a finger on her your lips like "Shut up. Be very quiet." [Laughs]

GM: Oh ok. No, you're not going to have time to do all that, no.

Taury: Well she can try to get at least one person up.

GM: Well ok. Give me perception check then.

Taury: Ah man.

GM: Since your attention is turned down the cliff face.

Taury: Well, it's both like it's split attention, I would imagine. Because she did see them, if she didn't see them, I wouldn't have said that Right? But you still going to fucking kill me anyway.

GM: Roll perception.

Taury: Uh huh.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Taury: Oh fuck yeah! I'll take that.

GM: As soon as you kick the rope over the side, you notice they're starting to move towards you.

Taury: Yeah, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Now, do they technically count as undead?

Fenwarin: Oh, Jesus. I just, I just saw them appear.

Taury: Ah hah.

Loyal: I've been seeing this the whole time.

Fenwarin: My, my stupid vision! [Laughs]

Loyal: Yeah, he's got bad vision! [Laughs]

Fenwarin: Just now. [Laughs]

Taury: Oh yeah, [Laughs] I forgot about that.

Loyal: The entire time the rest of us have been like "Oh yeah I know what that is." [Laughs]

Fenwarin: No, it's just a cliff- oh shit!

Taury: Oh shit, ah man. I'm guessing I'm rolling initiative?

GM: Yeah.

Taury: Yeah, just a bit. Hey! I'll take the 22 thank you very much.

Loyal: A 3, with a natural 1. The fourth from this session.

Taury: Oh my god those crit fails! Lads!

Loyal: Wow! Ok. Jesus. What's with the natural 1's this session? There's a lot of them.

Markus: Yeah, there has been.

Fenwarin: You have gotten so many Colin it's crazy.

Loyal: I've gotten four this session.

Fenwarin: It is four now?! Oh.

Markus: It happens.

Taury: It's always Quiet though, and Quiet never fails.

Loyal: Quiet's gotten a lot yeah.

GM: Alright, Fenwarin, you are first.

Fenwarin: Hmm, what can I do here spell wise, since I'm down the cliff, can I see them?

Taury: If you could climb the fucking rope that would be great.

Fenwarin: I can't see them yeah.

GM: You cannot see them, your options are climbing the rope or doing nothing pretty much.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Taury: Because it's 20- it's 24, right? Isn't it?

GM: Yeah, if you could see them, you could magic missile them, but you can't see them.

Fenwarin: Yeah it would be great if it was totally lit up. I could back up and then see them from far away and then shoot them.

Markus: If you want to set up having light up there so you can see. You could cast light on a pebble, throw the pebble up and back away, and the next round be able to.

Taury: Or just carry the pebble with him as he climbs the rope.

Markus: Or climb the rope yeah.

Fenwarin: Do I have that spell to light a pebble or is that just?

Taury: But you could climb the rope and hold a pebble and do that afterwards.

Markus: Should be a cantrip, it depends whether or not you've memorized it.

Taury: You have like light isn't it?

Fenwarin: I don't have that, I don't have that one. 

Taury: You have light. You do not? 

Fenwarin: No.

Taury: Oh I thought you did.

Markus: How do you not have that?

GM: There were other things deemed more important, obviously.

Taury: Listen, wizards are fighters, we've discussed this.

Fenwarin: Yeah.

Markus: Yeah, that's fine ok.

Fenwarin: Well, I'm not climbing up there because I'm still very hurt so.

Loyal: Throw them over the cliff Taury.

Taury: Oh no, I'm not going to do that.

GM: Alright, so you're not climbing up? 

Fenwarin: No.

GM: Ok. Taury, it's your turn.

Taury: Ok.

GM: You can do a knowledge religion on skeletons.

Taury: Sure.

GM: Alright 17. You are very familiar with skeletons, bludgeoning damage works really, really well against them. Otherwise a vial of holy water would be great. The cantrip disrupt undead.

Loyal: I have a vial of unholy water.

Markus: Or just hitting them.

Loyal: Or that, [Laughs] that's also an option.

Taury: Yeah well I was just-

GM: Yeah well, bludgeoning weapons specifically are best for hitting the skeleton.

Taury: Ah I don't think I have anything that's bludgeoning. Yeah, I'm just taking out my staff and just fucking swing for the one in front of me. 

Loyal: Do it.

Taury: Oh nice.

Loyal: That's pretty good, a good hit and a good damage yeah. 

Taury: That could have gone worse. That could have definitely gone worse.

Loyal: Could have gone a lot worse.

Markus: Are you actually using it as a scythe or are you just using it as a staff?

Taury: Ah basically it, the blade can just come out of it, it's a swift action to take the blade out of it. So basically, I imagine as she swings it, it triggers and it comes out.

Markus: Ok. 'Cause you might actually do more damage if you don't.

GM: Oh, yeah, I was thinking you weren't using the blade.

Taury: I didn't specify either or.

GM: You did, you said you were going to swing with your staff.

Taury: Oh well, that's just because I call it that but yeah sure, it's a staff. I mean, she mightn't have had the time to actually think about drawing the blade, she probably just swung at it when it was behind her, so.

GM: You're using the weapon in a way that's not intended for it to be used, so you take a negative 4 penalty to the attack, it still hits no problem.

Taury: Yeah. 

GM: Because you're using it as a bludgeon instead of the slashing piercing, it does the full amount of damage.

Taury: Sweet, I'll take that.

GM: Yeah you smash the skeleton to bits.

Markus: Does it not just count as a quarterstaff when the scythe blade's closed then, or? 

GM: No. 

Markus: Ok

GM: Have 4 points of damage as one of the skeletons claws you and the other skeleton misses both times. 

Loyal: Nice.

GM: Morana, it is now your turn.

Morana: Oh hmm, I have ideas but, do  I want to enact those ideas yet? Does the rope change the climb check that you need, I can't remember?

GM: It does, the DC for climbing is now only 5.

Morana: So that could, I could get up there.

Loyal: Still could be a struggle for me.

Markus: I'm assuming climbing will take both hands, yes?

GM: Climbing will take both hands and it doesn't change the half speed.

Morana: Half speed, so I don't think I, no I couldn't make it up there in one round unless I double moved.

GM: Correct. 

Morana: No, I'm not going to block the rope, someone else would be more use than me can get up there. So I'm going to pass my turn. Because I have no line of sight so nothing I do can would work anyway.

GM: Alright, Markus.

Markus: Is anyone else planning on climbing the rope?

Loyal: I mean, I was gonna but like, you, technically, you can survive in melee better than me so.

Markus: Right, in which case Markus will need to put his shield away and start climbing the rope.

GM: Alright climb checks.

Taury: Oh god, if you all die from falling.

Loyal: Just fall . [Laughs]

Markus: Well.

Loyal: [Laughs]

Taury: [Gasps]

GM: Alright.

Loyal: Oh god, the DC is 5 and we still can't make it.

GM: Would you like to attempt again and do a double move to move only halfway up?

Markus: Yes please.

GM: Alright.

Loyal: Oh my God!

Fenwarin: What?

All: [Laugh]

Taury: Dang.

Loyal: Oh my god, what's this here?

GM: Alright, Markus, you struggle.

Morana: Welp.

Taury: That's the third zero we've rolled today.

Loyal: Yeah, I think so.

Taury: Impressive

GM: I'm impressed yeah, it's.

Taury: Yeah.

Markus: The dice are not with us today.

Taury: Well, they kind of have been and they kind of haven't.

Loyal: They are they aren't, it's kind of up and down.

Taury: Yeah, they've given and they've taken away.

Loyal: They let us pull off the throw goblin in the water, swim, get the thing manouver.

Taury: Yeah. But rational, logical decision making, they're like "nah dude, you can't do that."

Loyal: The dice support chaos.

Taury: If I decided to throw Loyal on top of the cliff, I bet you it would work out better.

Fenwarin: [Laughs]

Loyal: Probably.

GM: Loyal it's your turn.

Loyal: I'll try and climb!

Taury: Try operative word.

Loyal: Nope. Uh uh. Uh uh.

Taury: Oh my god, that's a 2.

Fenwarin: How is this happening, I mean what?

Loyal: [Laughs] I don't know, they're fighting and we're just struggling to climb the fucking thing!

Markus: Because none of us are good at climbing.

Taury: Oh boy.

Loyal: Oh my god.

Taury: You don't even have to be good at climbing, you just have to get a 5.

Loyal: Let's try again... It's worse! It's 1!

Taury: It's a 1.

Fenwarin: How?!

Markus: Ok. Let me rephrase that, none of us are trained in climbing and have strength penalties and armor penalties.

Loyal: Normally, mine would be a plus zero, but I have strength damage.

Fenwarin: That's not a good excuse.

GM: I love that the person who could make the check you gave the levitation potion to, this is beautiful.

Loyal: Yeah well, I figured she'd be the best person to be up there in case things went wild.

Taury: In fairness, all of the rest of you probably would be dead if you were up here, so maybe.

Loyal: It's also true. You have the highest AC.

Taury: Yeah, it's probably not the worst, but it could have been better.

Loyal: Alright, that's my turn. I attempt and failed to climb.

Fenwarin: That's the only reason why I'm not climbing up there, because I'm still hurt really bad.

GM: I think this is a good place to end this session.

Taury: Oh really, you do this just when I finally hit something on the first fucking attack, you think today is when we stop. 

GM: Yeah, I think that's a good spot.

Taury: God damn it.

Loyal: Failed to climb. 

Morana: Now you know why I didn't try. [Laughs]

Taury: Oh man, I fucking- it's been a great session though, like Jesus.

GM: [Laughs]

That's all the time we have for now. To learn more about the show, the cast, etc. head over to http://wayward-expeditions.com/